Naruto the Smash Brother
by wildrook
Summary: Another Strong, Smart, Raised-by-family Naruto story...only with the Smash Bros cast and more. Naruto/Harem and Sasuke-bashing. And crack. Lots and lots of crack.
1. Insert MGSrelated joke here

Naruto the Smash Brother.

Chapter 1: Naruto? Naruto? NARUTO!

Disclaimer:

Naruto is owned by Masashi Kishimoto;

Smash Bros is owned by Nintendo (consisting of many different titles);

Metal Gear is owned by Konami;

Sonic the Hedgehog is owned by SEGA and Sonic Team

Storyline:

I was partly inspired by Super!Naruto stories and the fanfic where Serena (or Usagi) was adopted by Peach and raised and trained by the cast from Melee (and Snake). Takes place after the Subspace Emmisarry and has the Melee characters that were denied, the Forbidden Seven, Brawl Hopefuls, and other third-party companies. Spoilers for Shippuden are aplenty, even though I've never read the manga or watched the subs.

PS: I'll be using the English names of the jutsu because I only know so very little Japanese. And I've never written a story that didn't include myself.

Subspace. Possibly the worst hellhole ever to exist in the world. After the defeat of Tabuu and the restoration of Smash World, everything (except the Island of the Ancients, much to the dismay of one Robotic Operating Buddy) went back to normal.

But we'll get to that story later. Right now, we're focusing on one unfortunate boy in a ninja village.

The date was October 10, the day of Kyuubi's defeat. A blond-haired, blue-eyed, five-year-old boy was running from an angry mob. Why, do you ask? Well, that's Naruto Uzumaki. Enough said. For those that don't get it, here's the low-down:

Four years ago, on that same day, Kyuubi was rampaging through Konoha. As the ninja were trying to stall it, the Fourth Hokage sealed the beast into a newborn baby. Naruto. Ever since then, he's been tortured, raped, near-death, even ignored, and October 10th was the worst day for him. This time, the mob increased itself in size.

However, there's going to be a difference in this routine. One in the form of a cardboard box.

(Codec ringing)

Man: That's the kid the Master Hand wanted to see?

Woman: The one with the whiskers? That's him, alright.

Man: He wasn't kidding when he said that there would be a mob after this kid.

Woman: One of the main reasons why we should talk to their Hokage, but for now, try to sneak past them undetected.

Man: Got it.

(End Codec transmission)

The box opened to reveal a man in a tight grey skin suit, a bandanna, and a beard.

_Snake_

Using his cloaking device, he ran past the mob through a different route in order to get to Naruto. Unfortunately, when he got there, the villagers were halfway beating him to death. So he did the only thing he could do when in a compromising position: bite the cat.

"What the hell?" one of them said. When Snake deactivated his cloaking device, the same guy asked, "Who the hell are you?"

The look in the villagers' face reminded him of Revolver Ocelot's: Twisted, uncaring, and evil. "Leave the boy alone," he said, with malice in his voice.

"If you fight for the demon," another villager said, "you will die with the demon!"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!"

At that, they froze up. The Third Hokage arrived with ANBU by his side.

"Lord Hokage!" one of the villagers asked him. "W-w-w-we were trying to arrest this outsider for siding with the…"

"ANBU," the Third Hokage, "take them to Ibiki for breaking my law."

"Yes, Lord Hokage," the dog-masked ANBU said.

As the mess was being dispersed, the Third said to Snake, "I appreciate your help for protecting Naruto, but who are you and what is your purpose with him?"

"I can't exactly reveal my name," he said in flawless Japanese, "but you can call me Snake, and I'm here…on a mission."

"You're not with Akatsuki, are you?"

"Who?"

"Never mind. Follow me to the hospital. We can talk there."

(Unknown Sewer)

'Ow…' Naruto thought. 'The villagers weren't as merciful as last year.' He then looked around. 'They must have thrown me in the sewer. As if leaving me to die wasn't enough. Oh well. Better find the exit.'

As he was walking towards the light, he noticed doors on the side and in the front, there was a giant cage.

'What is this? There's no way that something that big can live inside me.'

"**YOU CAN BE SURPRISED AT WHAT'S IN THERE AS WELL, BRAT**," he heard.

Naruto was officially freaked out at this point.

"If this is a joke," Naruto said.

"**NO JOKE. WE'RE IN YOUR MIND.**"

At that point, he looked in the eyes of the being that was in here.

"W-w-w-who…or what are you?"

"**CONSIDERING YOU'RE AT A YOUNG AGE RIGHT NOW, I SHOULDN'T BE SURPRISED. BUT HERE'S THE SUMMARY: I'M THE KYUUBI.**"

At this point, Naruto was hyperventilating. "WHAT? But…the Fourth killed you!"

"**THAT WAS JUST A FABRICATION IN ORDER TO KEEP THOSE AROUND YOUR AGE LEVEL FROM KNOWING. THE TRUTH IS THAT THE FOURTH SEALED ME INTO YOU. ALTHOUGH BY THE LOOK OF THINGS NOW, I SHOULD HAVE WIPED THIS VILLAGE OFF THE MAP.**"

After that comment, Naruto became angry. "You're the reason why I'm hated! Because of you, I've had a shitty life, get thrown out of stores on a daily basis, and the reason why I'm an orphan!"

"**AND BECAUSE OF ME, I'M THE ONE KEEPING YOU ALIVE.**"

"Huh?"

"**BECAUSE OF THE FOURTH'S SPECIAL DEATH GOD SEAL, YOU AND I ARE STUCK WITH EACH OTHER TILL YOU DIE. MEANING IF YOU DIE, I DIE. THAT'S WHY YOU SURVIVED THOSE BRUTAL ENCOUNTERS. BESIDES, I WASN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE AWAKE THIS EARLY!**"

Now, that threw him in a loop. "You attacked the village because you were interrupted in your slumber?" Naruto asked him.

"**I PREFER YOU CALL IT 'BEAUTY SLEEP', KIT. AND THE GUYS WHO WOKE ME UP HAD FOUL-SMELLING AURAS.**"

"Okay," Naruto said. The situation was becoming weirder by the minute, and finding out that Kyuubi was a woman was enough to make his head spin. "Two things: One, who were the guys that woke you up, and two, you're a GIRL?"

Kyuubi rolled her eyes. "**YES, I'M A GIRL. WOMAN TO BE PRECISE. AND THE GUYS THAT WOKE ME UP…I'M NOT GOOD AT REMEMBERING FACES, BUT I CAN RECOGNIZE EYES.**"

That's when Naruto got into a thinking position. "What did their eyes look like?"

"**ONE OF THEM HAD SNAKE EYES, WHICH I ASSUMED WAS THE SPAWN OF OROCHI, AND THE OTHER HAD RED EYES WITH TOMAS IN THEM. THAT'S WHAT LED ME HERE IN THE FIRST PLACE.**" She then noticed Naruto's mind shifting. "**LOOKS LIKE THE OLD MAN IS WAKING YOU UP. I SUGGEST YOU TELL HIM WHAT I TOLD YOU.**"

"Okay." Then there was a bright light.

(In a hospital room)

'Ugh…' Naruto said.

"Good to see you awake, Naruto," the Third said.

"Old Man…We need to talk."

Sarutobi was in for a surprise. "About what?"

"Why is the Kyuubi sealed inside me?"

He was shocked. "You talked to it?"

"Yes, I talked to her."

Snake had his eyebrows up. "Her?"

Naruto looked at Snake. "Who's he?"

"Naruto," Sarutobi said, "this is Snake, the man that saved your life."

"Nice to meet you," Naruto said, bowing out of respect.

"It was nothing," Snake said. "I just don't like seeing kids in pain."

"Now," Sarutobi said, "what did Kyuubi tell you?"

After explaining Kyuubi's and Naruto's conversation in the mind, Snake was a bit surprised that humans could rouse demons, but Sarutobi was furious.

'So, Minato was right,' Sarutobi thought. 'Goddamn that Orochimaru. He probably thought that he could get the Sharingan through there. But the man with the red eyes and tomoe could be an Uchiha…but he's dead…isn't he?'

"Grampa Saru," Naruto said, "I'd like to know who my parents were. Are they alive?"

Sarutobi sighed. 'I'd figure he'd ask sooner or later, but I was hoping he'd be at least Chuunin level.' "Naruto, what I'm about to tell you must remain a secret within these walls. If anyone found out about this, there would be uproar among the villagers."

"My lips are sealed, Grampa Saru."

After the explanation…

"WHAT?"

Yeah. The Third explained who his parents were. Snake was still cleaning out his ear because of the loud noise.

"You're telling me that my father sealed Kyuubi in me? And that my mother's nowhere to be found? Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because your father had countless enemies inside and outside the village. If any village, most likely Iwa and Kumo, had found out about your heritage, they would either try to kill you or kidnap you."

"How am I supposed to protect myself then?"

"That's what we're here to talk about. Snake, explain."

Snake sighed at this. "I'm here to pick you up because of your treatment. I've had someone talk to the Hokage in order to train you in the ways of a fighter and a ninja, so she picked up some scrolls and other stuff. She even picked up a few weapons and clothes. Personally, I don't know why the Master has interest in you, but he's mostly right about these things. We've agreed for the fighters, their friends, and other fighters to train you in many different styles (mine being stealth and weapons) so that you could train yourself in time for the Genin Exams. Are you up for it?"

Naruto thought for a moment.

"**I SAY TAKE THE MAN'S OFFER.**" Kyuubi said.

"You got a deal, Snake-sensei," Naruto said.

"Great," Snake said. "But I warn you, the training's going to be harsh."

"Naruto," Sarutobi said, "no matter what happens; don't think of yourself as what the villagers think of you. Promise?"

"I promise, Old Man," Naruto said. "I plan on being Hokage, and I won't let anyone stand in my way. Not even the villagers."

Sarutobi smiled. 'He has your determination, Minato, and Kushina's smarts. You both will be proud.'

'He'll be enthusiastic now,' Snake said, 'but he'll find out that some of them can be harsh taskmasters.'

To be continued.

----

(A/n: Dear God, it's been Ten Months…maybe Eleven. If anything, I've seen Naruto-competing-in-the-Smash-Tournament stories, but never one raised-by-Smash-Tournament-Contestant stories...well, none with a Naruto/Harem thing with both Naruto and the Nintendo/Konami/SEGA/Capcom/Square-Enix/other series.

I may know that Naruto doesn't belong in the Smash Bros tournament, but being raised by them is another story entirely. It will be explained what Naruto will be taught and what kind of antics it will involve. As for the Harem, it won't be the main Smash Cast and their intended loved ones from their respective series. And don't even THINK of main characters' intended loved ones (which means I'm going with MarioPeach, LuigiDaisy, LinkZelda, FoxKrystal, PopoNana, and those like it) with him. There are some points I WON'T touch with any integer multiplied with the amount of length from the Mr. Grinch song, which is 39.5x.)


	2. No Brain Means No Comments

Naruto the Smash Brother.

Chapter 2: Playing Stupid...It's a Legitimate Strategy!

Disclaimer:

I don't own Naruto or Smash Bros…or anything else.

Storyline:

Eight Years, in time for the Genin Exam. If anyone asks about the woman who was in the office, it was Samus.

-----

A young man was walking through the village in an unrecognizable cloak.

'How long has it been since I've been here?' he asked himself.

"**EIGHT YEARS, GIVE OR TAKE A FEW DAYS**," Kyuubi said. "**BY THE WAY, ARE YOU STILL WORKING ON THE CELESTIAL BRUSH TECHNIQUES?**"

'Yes, Kyuubi.' Yes, he and Kyuubi have a mutual friendship with each other. Simply put, Kyuubi loves to tease and flirt with him and Naruto puts up with it because they're bonded for eternity. 'Boy is the old man going to flip when he sees me.'

At the Tower…

'Damn paperwork,' Sarutobi thought. 'How did Minato defeat you?' He then noticed the door opening. "Can I help you?" he asked the man.

"It's been a long time, Old Man," the man said. Sarutobi's eyes widened with shock.

"N-Naruto? Is that you?" Naruto then took off his henge.

"In the flesh. How have things been?"

'He looks just like you, Minato.' "Boring, to say the least. Anyways, why are you here?"

"For my enrollment at the Academy, remember?"

"Ah." He then took out a permission slip. "The room number is 105. I'll inform the teacher there of your arrival."

"Got it, Old Man." Before Naruto left, however, he then said, "And have you tried using Shadow Clones for the paperwork?" Then he left via Shunshin leaving the Third gaping at him.

'So that's how you did it. Heh, and they call me the Professor.'

(At the classroom)

Iruka Umino was a bit frustrated with the behavior of the class. Well, most of the female half due to a certain Uchiha bent on revenge. Now, there's a new kid in his class on the day of the final exams.

"PAY ATTENTION CLASS!" he said, using his Big Head Jutsu. Everyone quieted down. "Now, before we begin the Exam, we have an extra student attending."

"But Iruka-sensei," someone asked him, "how come you're letting someone attend on the very last day of the academy?"

"Hokage's orders, Kiba," was all he said. "Said that he had this spot open before he even attended. Now, introduce yourself, Mr…"

"Uzumaki," Naruto said from the door. "Naruto Uzumaki, or Storm Fox if you prefer." Naruto walked in with a black jumpsuit that had a Spiral on the right sleeve, the Namikaze symbol over the Star Fox insignia, and the Smash Bros logo on the back. His gold hair was long and had red tips on it (either from his mother or Kyuubi) and had a watch with an orange strap on it.

'Holy crap,' Iruka thought. 'Naruto has changed.'

'What is the demon brat doing here?' Mizuki (yes, he was there) thought. 'Oh well, I might not have to do anything due to his arrival.'

'He shouldn't act that cool,' a certain pink-haired girl thought. "**Only Sasuke can look that cool!**" That was her inner persona.

'Oh man,' a certain lazy genius thought. 'Not another pretty boy. Troublesome.'

'Naruto,' a certain Hyuuga thought. 'You're back.'

'Feh, another loser to join the ranks,' the so-called Rookie-of-the-Year thought. 'He does have a certain aura around him, though. I might learn his secrets so I can kill _him_.'

"Naruto," Iruka said, "take a seat so we can start the exam."

"Sure, Iruka-sensei," Naruto said. He then sat between Shino and Hinata.

"Now that everyone's here, we'll start with the written exam, then the shruiken exam, then the taijutsu exam, and finally a demonstration of the Replacement technique, the Transformation technique, and the Clone Technique."

'This would be bad,' Naruto said, 'if I hadn't known Shadow Clones in the first place.'

"**KIT, I'M SENSING SOMETHING FOUL ABOUT THE CHUUNIN WITH THE SILVER HAIR**."

'No duh, Kyuubi. He's probably going to rig the exam in his favor.' The adults may have hated Naruto, but Mizuki had a scheming grin on his face.

"**PLAY DUMB DURING THE WRITTEN COURSE, THEN EXCEL EVERYWHERE ELSE. THAT'S HOW YOU STUMPED NESS AND LUCAS**."

'Of course.'

(Minutes later)

"Time's up," Iruka said. "Pencils down. After turning in your papers, head towards the shruiken practice area for your next exam."

(A/n: I'm just going to skip to the tournament. But Naruto got a perfect 10 out of 10 for studying human anatomy.)

'Good thing the lessons from Dr. Mario paid off,' Naruto thought.

'How the hell did the newbie know where to hit?' Sasuke thought to himself. 'I must know! I'll get an opportunity during the taijutsu tournament to find out.'

'Damn, the brat's onto me,' Mizuki thought. 'I should have known it when he purposely got the exam wrong.'

"Now, it's time for the taijutsu exam," Iruka said. "For the first match…"

"Iruka," Mizuki said, "why don't we have Naruto fight the Rookie of the Year?"

Everyone was gaping at him.

'Now I know he's up to something,' Naruto thought.

'Perfect,' Sasuke thought. 'He just got lucky at shruiken throwing. I will put him in his place.'

"Why?" Iruka asked him.

"More like a demonstration of skill." 'And to see the Uchiha annihilate any chances of the demon brat passing.' "He has been gone a long time."

"Point," Iruka said. "Okay, Naruto Uzumaki vs Sasuke Uchiha. Would both fighters enter the arena?"

Sasuke decided to show off by jumping towards the arena. Naruto just walked up there.

"Ready to taste defeat, dead last?" Sasuke asked him.

Naruto looked impassive. "Depends on who gets the first bite." Sasuke growled at that.

"Fighters ready?" Iruka asked. "BEGIN!"

Sasuke rushed towards Naruto and attempted to punch him, but Naruto dodged and landed a kick to the stomach, making Sasuke stumble backwards. Sasuke then went back towards Naruto, but he just grabbed Sasuke and threw him backwards, nearly taking him out of the ring. Furious, Sasuke then tried to kick Naruto, but he had been expecting that. As a response, Naruto flip-kicked him in the chin and knocked him out of the ring.

'He needs work,' Naruto thought. 'If I had taken my limiters off, he would've been six feet under.'

"By ring out," Iruka said, "I declare the winner of the first match…"

"**FIRE STYLE!**" they heard. "**GRAND FIREBALL JUTSU**!" The fireball (which was fired by Sasuke) was heading towards Naruto. Everyone looked worried, but Naruto reached into his belt, unsealed it, activated his reflector, and kicked it, reflecting the fireball back towards Sasuke, burning him.

'Damn it,' Mizuki thought. 'I'll just have to disrupt his chakra flow in order for him not to pass.'

"Naruto," Iruka said, "what did you use?"

"Just something from a friend," Naruto said. "He insisted that I bring it to remember them by."

Iruka was surprised. 'I'm guessing whoever…or whatever taught him how to fight wanted him to grow as much as I do.' "Well, that friend probably had your best interest in mind. I will have a talk with Sasuke about harming his classmates."

As Iruka had left with an unrelenting Sasuke, his fan club had intensely glared at Naruto.

Soon enough, it was time for the Ninjutsu portion of the exam, and Naruto was bored. Ignoring the glares from the Sasuke Fan-Club, he was thinking of how most of the villians he knew and trained with managed to entertain themselves, and that included a certain King of Evil he had tusseled alongside Link-Sensei.

"Naruto Uzumaki?" Iruka asked him.

'About time,' our protagonist thought. 'I thought that I would never hear the end of Haruno-san's yapping.'

When Iruka and Mizuki were watching him, Naruto had used a combination of Transformation and Replacement to make the silver-haired Chuunin fall on his ass, much to the amusement of Iruka and Kyuubi.

"Not bad," Iruka said, "but refrain from using those on a proctor. Now the Clone Technique, please."

Mizuki smirked. 'Now to make sure the demon brat doesn't pass.'

However, to Iruka's surprise and Mizuki's anger, Naruto did a different Clone Jutsu.

"**MULTI-SHADOW CLONE JUTSU!**" he yelled. With that, the whole room was full of Narutos.

Iruka, shell-shocked at this development, had regained his composure. "You pass, Naruto."

----

That afternoon, Naruto can be seen on top of the Hokage Monument…wandering around like an idiot. The reason is because he was looking for a strong connection to his many different Sensei from another world…good luck with that.

'Maybe I should have gone with Fox-Sensei's idea for a transmission,' he thought.

"**WOULDN'T WORK, KIT,**" Kyuubi said, within his mind. "**EVEN WITH THE ADVANCED RANGE, KONOHA'S A DEAD ZONE.**"

'Good point. If you'll need me, I'm going to take a walk. I'm starting to wonder if the place has changed.'

If there was one thing Konoha was good at, it was remembering what Naruto was. However, his mind was diverted to a small beeping in his ear.

(Codec begin)

Man: Hey, Kiddo. How's it going?

Naruto: Otacon? How did you extend the transmission?

Naruto: Never mind. If anything, I managed to graduate without going with the written exam as a score. Someone would sabotage it, knowing some of the adults I know.

Otacon: Well, they have lost a lot during the attack, but they're still fools into thinking you're…well, you know.

Otacon: But back onto why I called you. Apparently, there's dark deals going on in your area, and I doubt that your village leader knows about it.

Naruto: What kind of dark dealings?

Otacon: You know the ROOT division of ANBU?

Naruto: You mean with the leader dead-set on turning me into a weapon? How can I NOT know?

Otacon: Well, he's been in cahoots with one of the Great Sannin in trying to turn Konoha into a war zone, and it's neither the Pervert nor the Gambler.

Naruto: Orochimaru, then.

However, Naruto noticed something was off. WAY off.

Naruto: I have to go. Tell Meryl-chan, Naomi-san, and Mei-Ling-chan I said 'Hi,' okay?

Otacon: All right.

(End codec transmission)

Following the sound, the young fox vessel had followed the trail of the sound to Mizuki.

'When you're right, you're right, Kyuubi,' Naruto thought. 'Mizuki WAS up to something.'

"**THIS MIGHT BE A GOOD TIME TO GET THE JUMP ON THE IDIOT,**" Kyuubi thought. "**JUST REMEMBER TO SAVE YOUR STRENGTH FOR THE BATTLE AHEAD.**"

Naruto nodded, but Mizuki found him first.

"Look what I found," Mizuki said. "Not only do I get to steal the Forbidden Scroll, I get to kill the Demon Brat, too."

Naruto smirked. "Don't get cocky, bastard. This demon brat has a couple tricks up his sleeve. On top of all that, you're not even worth the trouble of wasting my chakra."

Mizuki frowned. "Do you know why the village hates you?" Naruto could not believe his ears. He knew why the village hated him, but Mizuki didn't know that, so it's basically a way to psyche him out. However, Naruto decided to give him a rude awakening.

"Is it because of the Vixen in my navel?" Mizuki was confused. "Kyuubi, remember? Only there are a few things wrong with what you think you know. One, Kyuubi is female, as I already mentioned; two, she didn't attack it on a berserk rampage, but was looking for a reason why we supposedly attacked; and three, you're probably not listening, anyways, so I'm going to have someone kick your ass for me." With that, he pulled out a capsule. "You see this? It's an Assist Trophy. It's like a summoning contract, only with people instead of special animals. This one happens to be a favorite of mine."

He then raised it up in the air and disappeared, leaving Mizuki shocked. He was then beaten to the ground by an unknown force, and knocked unconscious when Naruto was present. A black hedgehog with red stripes was standing beside him.

"Thanks for the help, Shadow," Naruto said, smirking.

Shadow had frowned, but said, "No thanks are necessary, kid. I just wanted to let him know what happens when one of the more ignorant villagers attack you. Great job on graduating, though. I'll tell Espio that his techniques weren't wasted." Shadow then reverted back into a trophy and into Naruto's hands.

When Iruka saw what happened to Mizuki and Naruto interacting with Shadow, he assumed that whoever trained him had given him a summoning contract. "Looks like Mizuki picked a fight he'll regret," he said, surprising Naruto.

"Iruka-Sensei," Naruto said. "Sorry, he disturbed my walk. If anything, the Forbidden Scroll is secure."

"Good. Now, we'd better talk to the Hokage on who has been training you. I'm pretty sure he'll want the full story."

With that, the Instructor and the Hyperactive Ninja had taken the traitor and the Forbidden Scroll to the Hokage, and to Naruto's surprise, the Hokage DID want the full story.

"Well, Grampa Saru," Naruto said, "it started after you granted me to leave the hospital…"

To be continued…

----

(A/n: Wow. I cannot BELIEVE that I held off for THIS long. If anything, I thought it was horrible, but I had thought along the concept of Naruto being trained by Nintendo, Konami, and SEGA characters a LONG time ago, and after writing the first three chapters of my Naru-Gi-Oh story and reading a couple Zelda/Naruto crossovers, I got back to this story. Apparently, the reason I stopped writing it was because it was on Word.

I'm thinking of the other characters' reaction to some of the gadgets Naruto was given during his training bout, and Tenten's would be glaringly obvious with the reflector. Oh, and Shadow and Naruto share a kinship with each other being the most hated being in their respective universes, although it's through different reasons.

Next chapter is a prologue/progression in which why the Master Hand took interest in Naruto and who trained him. Snake and Samus would be obvious choices, but I hinted that he was trained by the Star Fox team and Espio the Chameleon as well. And since his dream is to become Hokage, he was taught Manners and Politics in order to become successful, and that is where the paperwork thing came from.)


	3. Ganondorf is a Pervert

Naruto the Smash Brother.

Chapter 3: Training from Hell…and Several Worlds Across.

----

(Flashback)

"_We're here, Naruto," Snake said, waking up a 5-year-old Naruto from his nap. "You can get off my back."_

_To Naruto's surprise, it wasn't just a mansion. It was a luxury condominium._

"_This is the Smash Mansion?" Naruto asked him._

"_In all its glory. Now, two rules when dealing with both Master Hand and Crazy Hand: One, don't question Master Hand's methods; and two, try to ignore Crazy Hand as much as possible."_

"_How bad is he?"_

_Snake had shuddered at the memory of Crazy Hand's wrath. "Let's just say that Crazy Hand's name is an understatement to his sadistic sense of humor."_

_As they went inside, the Smash Mansion was considerably empty, much to Snake's surprise and Naruto's confusion._

"_I thought you said that there were a bunch of fighters here, Snake-Sensei."_

"_Samus informed them of your arrival…"_

"_I believe I can take it from here, Snake," an ominous voice said, spooking Naruto to the core._

_Appearing from the second floor balcony was a giant hand. A right hand, to be precise._

"_What the heck?" Naruto asked him._

"_I did say he was called Master __**Hand**__ for a reason," Snake said. "Now if you'll excuse me…" Snake had left Naruto staring at the floating hand in surprise._

"_You have no idea how often I get this reaction," the hand replied. "As you already know, I am Master Hand, or the Hand of Creation as my title calls me."_

_Realizing that Naruto was being rude, he quickly changed his face from surprise to embarrassment. "Sorry about that. It's not every day you see a giant floating hand."_

"_You're forgiven. Now, we have much to discuss about your training…"_

(Pause Flashback)

They couldn't believe it either. Naruto was basically staring in the face of a floating hand, so it was common that the reaction would be mass confusion.

"If you're done soaking this all in…" Naruto said, twitching in annoyance.

"Sorry," Hiruzen Sarutobi said. "I just didn't think the legend of the Hands of Kami were true. Continue, please."

Naruto nodded. "Well, you're probably wondering why a giant hand, of all things, took interest in me. You wouldn't believe this, but that was the very first question I asked him."

(Resume Flashback)

_As Young Naruto had stared at Master Hand, he opened his mouth to ask something that was on his mind._

"_Master Hand-San," Naruto said, grabbing the entity's attention, "I was wondering why you had an interest in me. I'm not exactly the strong type…"_

_The giant hand had…well, stared, in a relative term, at the young boy in contemplation. "First off, call me MH. It's what some of the fighters call me since I had Sonic the Hedgehog join us. Second of all, it's because I owed your father a favor after he helped me cope with what happened."_

"_You knew my Father?"_

"_Somewhat. Your Dad's clan is one of the few I had created in order to bring balance to the multi-verse, so I could be considered your First Grandfather. As for how we met, well…I had gone to Konoha to take my mind off of things, and he was able to convince me to forgive myself for a couple things that were out of my control." Naruto had stared at him in curiosity. "It's a long story, kid. Because of that, I owed your Father a huge debt I wanted to repay, so I kept tabs on him until around the time you were born. Believe me, kid, some of the things that happened to you made me look like a saint, and neither of your parents would've wanted you to live this way."_

_Naruto was surprised at the entity's sadness. For a poker face, he was honest, but he wanted to know something about his other parent. "My mother…was she killed by Kyuubi?"_

_After a minute of silence, the entity had broken the sad news to him. "Your mother died after the sealing. Killed in cold blood of an enemy not even I would have predicted. I'm sorry…"_

_The young Demon Vessel was saddened. "Who killed her?"  
_

"_I don't know. I wanted to help them out, but with your Dad sealing Kyuubi and your Mom killed, I couldn't return in person, so I left a parting gift within the seal…and that's what made me send one of my fighters to pick you up."_

"_I promise…" Naruto said, taking the entity by surprise. "I promise that I'll become the best fighter I can be so I can find out the truth. I had already promised the Old Man back home I'd become Hokage, and now I want to become stronger so I can prevent others from meeting the same bloody fate my parents did."_

_Master Hand was in awe at the young boy's resolve. However, there was something he wanted to test. "Would you be willing to sacrifice your whole life into becoming a mindless soldier? Power is easy to gain, but emotions are vital to being human. Would the Hokage want you to be a mindless killing machine?"_

"_He wouldn't because someone wants me to be like that, and he is not one of those I wish to protect. I don't know his name, but the Hokage said he's running things without his permission, and I want to protect the village from people like him. That's my nindo, Master Hand, and I'm sticking to it."_

_If a hand could smile, it would be of both pride and happiness. Master Hand had given a thumbs-up to Naruto because of it. "Very well. Your tor…er, training will start tomorrow morning."_

(Pause flashback.)

The old man had mixed feelings. 'I remember Minato talking to a visitor,' he said, 'but I wasn't aware that he was the Creation Hand in a human form. I'm sorry to hear that your mother was killed, but it seems you won't take the path Danzo-teme wanted you to take.' "Iruka mentioned that you had a weapon that was foreign to the ninja world, Naruto."

"You mean my reflector?" Naruto asked him. "It's a bit of a parting gift from one of my friends back at the mansion, who happens to be an inventor. Actually, he lives outside the mansion…or in orbit, if I remember correctly."

Hearing about Naruto's 'first contact' statement was enough to make Iruka and Sarutobi want more questions about his friends in the Mansion.

"Actually," Iruka said, "I want to hear more about your teachers. I know the Hokage let them use the scrolls your parents wanted you to learn, but…"

"Say no more, Iruka-Sensei. If anything, some of them can be harsh taskmasters. In fact, one of them had killing intent that made even Kyuubi cringe in fear."

(Resume flashback)

_It was around lunchtime in the Smash Mansion that Naruto had cringed through mid-meal._

'_Kyuubi,' Naruto thought, 'someone behind me is giving me the evil eye.'_

"_**I'M AS SCARED AS YOU ARE, KIT,**__" she replied, "__**AND I'M QUEEN OF THE BIJU. WHOEVER IS GIVING OFF THIS MUCH KILLING INTENT WOULD EVEN GIVE THE DEATH GOD A DIRTY PAIR OF PANTS.**__"_

_The source of the killing intent happened to be from a black-skinned guy with red hair and what looked like regal robes. Along with the evil eye came the smirk that said 'I'm an evil overlord with this much power in my system and you're going to experience it first-hand in your nightmares alone.' The man left without saying anything, and Naruto was given looks of pity._

"_I see you've got Ganondorf," a man in a green tunic said. "I swear, Crazy Hand must have it in for you."_

_"What do you mean, Link-Sensei?" Naruto asked him._

"_Whatever you did to piss him off, it's his way of revenge. Ganondorf is known as the King of Evil where I come from and he's done so much chaos that it bears repeating because he's chosen with the Triforce of Power. It took the efforts of my ancestor and the Six Sages to seal him in the Twilight Realm years ago AND myself with Midna to actually seal him in Nothingness."_

"_That explains why Kyuubi was in fear. Ganondorf's that powerful?"_

"_If the Nine-Tailed Fox was scared, then it proves that Ganondorf's getting stronger. However, from what Geno told me, there's another one as powerful as he is, but doesn't have the power of a God."_

_Naruto had recognized the name Geno, so he took a guess to who the puppet was referring to. That, and Kyuubi had a fleeting moment with said person he's thinking about. "He has one wing, a very big sword, silver hair, a complex with a meteor he calls Mother, and a small dick?"_

_Link had actually spit out his Lon Lon Milk at the mention of the size of the equipment. "You tell him that, and you'll be nothing but a pile of blood on the wall. And yes, the man you're thinking about is Sephiroth. How did you know about him?"_

_"I didn't, but the Vixen within me did. He was an ex-boyfriend of hers, but he didn't scare her THAT badly."_

(Pause flashback)

That was enough to freak both men out. Two men that were stronger than the Nine-Tailed Fox, and one of them was her ex while another was one of Naruto's more sadistic teachers.

"How did you even survive?!?" Iruka yelled.

"Let's just say that a Jutsu I invented around my first few weeks of training saved my ass."

Sarutobi, still gaping at the mention of the 'stronger-than-Kyuubi' trait, was more surprised at Naruto's ability to adapt. "How did you beat him?"

Naruto, grinning like a fox that had gained revenge, began to tell the tale of THAT incident.

(Resume Flashback)

_No one could believe it. Naruto, six-and-a-half-year-old Naruto, had beaten Ganondorf with ease._

"_No way," Link said. "No FUCKING way!" He and his ancestors had fought to near-death just to bring him down, and his fellow blonde had beaten that without a scratch and in record time._

_Samus was pissed at him. 'I am going to increase the restraint,' she thought, gritting her teeth. 'I am going to increase the weight SO hard, he won't even THINK about using this jutsu again.'_

_Most of the other guys in the stands had passed out with nosebleeds, a few of them turning into trophies in the process. Those who DID have a girl had just thanked God they were devoted to their women. The younger ones had their eyes covered by some of the jealous single women to prevent scarring._

_Naruto was just surprised at his work. "I didn't think he'd fall for it THAT easily."_

"_What the hell just happened?!?" Link asked him. "I'd say you'd beat my record, but this is just plain crazy!!!"_

"_I was experimenting with the Transformation Jutsu after watching Zelda-hime transform into Sheik, and this just came to mind after a few tries. As it turns out, the King of Evil is only a dirty old man."_

_"DIRTY OLD MAN!!! THE GUY WAS A FUCKING POWERHOUSE!"_

"_Powerhouse or not," Samus said, still gritting her teeth, "he's still a guy. A guy who broke the rules of aging, but a guy none the less."_

_That was the birth of Naruto's Harem Jutsu…and how Naruto single-handedly beat the King of Evil that put the efforts of Link's ancestors to a pitiful shame._

_And it was for three weeks that the women of the Smash Mansion had stepped up on Naruto's training._

(Pause flashback)

"I still have the scars…" Naruto said, simply.

That story was enough to keep them in silence for a good thirty minutes. Iruka, who would've punished Naruto for thinking up an idiotic jutsu, was aghast at the blonde for thinking up said jutsu that put a guy with enough power to destroy the world in a coma of bloodloss.

'Kinjutsu,' the Third Hokage thought. 'DEFINITELY a Kinjutsu.'

"What's ironic is that he was raised in a village of women," Naruto said, "but he was sealed in a void for longer than that to the point of forgetting what a woman looked like."

"I think we get the point, Naruto. Can you describe some of your other teachers and what they taught you in?"

Naruto nodded, and explained what he was taught under through those years. Mario and Luigi had taught him the art of plumbing, Peach-hime had taught him mannerisms, Link, Marth, Ike, Roy, and a few others taught him how to wield a sword, Zelda had taught him politics, Ganondorf (already mentioned) taught him how to use his inner darkness and killing intent, Fox (whom Sarutobi and Iruka were wary about because of his appearance) had taught him martial arts, Wolf taught him Guriella Tactics, Ness, Lucas, Mewtwo, and Lucario taught him to read auras, Captain Falcon taught him to concentrate his power on a certain technique, Samus and Sonic taught him the art of speed (which made Shunshin training faster), and Snake had taught him how to use long-distance weapons.

There were also those from outside the Mansion that Naruto was taught under, and he captured a few hearts in the process. However, he had Fox's significant other, a vixen named Krystal, taught him how to read faces for deception. Otacon, one of Snake's friends, had given him the codec currently in Naruto's ears to keep in constant contact. Neither ninja expected an outsider to teach him actual Ninjutsu, but Espio of the Chaotix fit the bill for Naruto's jutsu sensei, despite him being a chameleon.

Through pure irony, Link had introduced him to a couple contacts of his during a quest in yet ANOTHER version of Earth where a demonic blade had swept the world. Because of it, he could rival the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist in many different Kenjutsu styles, although he had the sneaking suspicion that Naruto was more in-depth with nature because of a guy named Yoda…

"Link-sensei never met him," Naruto said, "but he taught me a couple things about the universe that didn't seem physically possible. For an old man that talks funny, he sure knew his stuff."

"It seems you're well-trained then," Hiruzen Sarutobi said. "I'll have to meet him sometime."

"I don't think that's possible. He said that he had to hide in a swamp on another planet called Dagobah. I'd help him out, but space travel gives me nervous."

Iruka was still gaping at Naruto's progress.

"Snap out of it, Iruka-sensei. You look like a fish."

"Sorry," he replied. "I'm still in total disbelief at this. If it were up to me, I'd put you on Sannin level, but it's up to the Hokage."

"As much as I'd like to promote you from Genin to Special Jounin," Sarutobi said, "what's said in here has to be a Quadruple-S-Class Secret. The only people who should know about your progress are you, Iruka, myself, and other ninja who are worthy of knowing the truth, which may include your Jounin Sensei."

Naruto sighed. "It may as well, since the only jutsu I know are the Shadow Clones, Sexy Jutsu, Harem Jutsu, Shunshin, and Rasengan. I may know about a lot of things, but my Jutsu arsenal is not plentiful."

Soon enough, all three of them noticed that the sun was setting. Was it THAT long?

"Well, I can't give you the keys to your father's estate," Sarutobi said, "but I CAN give you the keys to your mother's vacation home. Don't worry. I've already provided it with the necessities you need. Right now, you have a month to learn the jutsu your mom left you. If you haven't noticed, I had given you four Jutsu on purpose, but I didn't expect you to be talented on everything else."

"Thanks, Grampa Saru," Naruto said.

"I think I'd better get home myself," Iruka said. As he left, he had thought about how Naruto grew up. 'Naruto, you will make a fine Hokage. I'm just surprised that you're skilled in brute force.'

Before Naruto would leave, however, Hiruzen had decided to tell Naruto of certain privileges of being the last of a clan.

"Naruto," Sarutobi said, "do you know about a certain Shinobi Rule that concerns your position?"

After about a few minutes, Naruto could be seen sulking his way to his Mother's summer home. Normally, he would be livid, but the vixen within his belly was laughing her ass off.

"**AND HE SAID…YOU HAD THE…RIGHT TO…HAVE A HAREM!**" she said, laughing in her tails. "**YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW WHIPPED YOU ARE ALREADY!**"

'For a vixen, you sure are troublesome,' Naruto thought. 'Besides, why aren't you angry?'

"**BECAUSE UNLIKE YOU HUMANS, WE DEMONS ARE MOSTLY FEMALE, SO TO KEEP THE CLANS FROM DYING OUT, WE HAD TO SHARE OUR MALES SO WE CAN HAVE MORE OF THEM! I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE THAT THE SECOND HOKAGE ACTUALLY MADE THAT RULE PLAUSIBLE HERE!!!**"

'It was because the First Hokage's bloodline was canceled out! I had no idea that the Second Hokage had a perverted sense of humor! I'm pretty sure that Captain Falcon would jump at the chance if he were in my shoes…or at least Panther-baka, considering his lecherous streak!'

"**NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF PERVERSION, MY YOUNG APPRENTICE.**" Naruto, had he been in the mindscape, would have gave her an odd look because of her choice of words. "**YODA TOLD YOU ABOUT DARTH VADER, REMEMBER?**"

'How can I not? I met the guy in person, and he seemed to have joined the Dark Side because of love, not vengeance. He just hid it within that apparatus he called a mask and was nearly impossible to beat, as well as Starkiller-teme.' He then noticed the house. 'Hang on. We're here.'

With that, he had the Shadow Clones check out the house and was surprised at some of the stuff the Hokage had put in for him. Indoor plumbing, a kitchen with food other than ramen, a Hi-Def Plasma TV with various gaming systems (Gamecube, Playstation 2, Xbox, 360, PS3, and the Wii, although it's not possible in real Naruto world, it's just a hidden joke to both the series he visited and the Naruto games in the real world. Oh, and there's a DS and PSP there as well.), a computer, vid-phone, and an acutal master bedroom.

'I'm assuming that my parents liked to collect antiques,' Naruto said, 'or the Old Man has enough to buy about five more of this.'

"**BOTH.**"

Noticing the note on the fridge, Naruto had read it.

_You can't always eat ramen. Only have it on special occasions. And to annoy the heck out of the shopkeepers that throw you out, use a henge._

_Hiruzen Sarutobi._

_P.S.: I had a little help getting most of this stuff in here, so be glad that you have friends in higher places. And you should see the basement._

'That's for tomorrow,' Naruto thought. 'Right now, taking out Mizuki and explaining everything to them got me bushed. I'll see you in the morning, Kyu.'

"**GOOD NIGHT, KIT.**"

Turning in for the night, Naruto hit the bedroom, drifting off to sleep.

Unknown to either of them, a shadowy figure was watching from within.

'I'm glad you like the place, Naruto-kun,' she thought, 'but you'll be in for a surprise when you wake up this morning.'

The young man was in a deep sleep, so he didn't notice the familiar Twili laugh.

Things were going to be eventful the next day.

To be continued…

----

(A/n: The Midna idea was already planned, but Kyuubi16 had me use the idea of the Great Fairy (which he named Venus) as part of it. From one of the authors who want Naruto powerful, smart, straight, and loved, I salute you.

Don't bash me for this, but I consider Ganondorf stronger than Sephiroth. Why? For these reasons:

Ganondorf was able to take control of beings of both Light and Darkness. Sephiroth couldn't, regardless of the Geostigma used for his arrival.

Ganondorf had the power of the Triforce of Power, which was created by the Goddesses of Hyrule. Sephy had the power of a meteor named JENOVA, which isn't as strong as a Goddess.

Ganondorf happens to be many years older than Sephiroth, with a few years within the Twilight Realm and the Void, so the experience of power differed with Sephiroth's bio-engineered strength, which had a human factor.

Even though they both can be hurt by the Master Sword, only Link can eliminate both Ganondorf and Sephiroth at once. The One-Winged-Angel (despite being destroyed by only Cloud) has no such safety as Ganondorf does in turning up in one piece.

Ganondorf has appeared hundreds to thousands of years after his last defeat. Sephiroth has no such luck.

Basically, the only way Sephiroth could defeat Ganondorf is if he uses his power of flight to tire the King of Evil out. Either way, both of them can be defeated by ease with Naruto's Harem Jutsu because they're both men, end of story.

Don't get angry because I included Yoda. The reasoning is similar to Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon: Link guest-starred in Soul Calibur II, which had two games after it leading to Soul Calibur IV, and Yoda and Vader guest-starred in Soul Calibur IV. Naruto has a dark-blue lightsaber, and don't expect other Star Wars characters to appear…other than Starkiller (Vader's Secret Apprentice). With the Six Degrees factor in mind, it's also a Tales of Symphonia crossover because Lloyd Irving guest-starred in Soul Calibur Legends, a NamcoXCapcom crossover because of Mitsurugi and Taki, a Bomberman crossover because of Wario, and a Square-Enix crossover because of Geno the Puppet.

And this may be a powerful Naruto story, the restraints Master Hand gave him happens to restrain his power to a certain extent, and only the two of them can release them.

If there are any harem woman ideas, make sure to read and review. If it's logical, I may include it, but some characters are off-limits (like those who already have a love interest in mind, people who Naruto haven't met yet, Marvel characters, and those under 13 years of age).

The characters I may include in the Naruto Harem are Ivy Valentine (Soul Calibur), Taki, Blaze the Cat, Amaterasu (because Kyuubi happens to be a reincarnated Ninetails from Okami), Felicia (Darkstalkers), and Shade the Echidna (Sonic Chronicles). Midna and Rao (Female Kyuubi) are official. Sarutobi mentioned that Naruto should check out the basement for a reason, and it's because of their appearances that he extended the Genin Team placements to a month.)

Question:

Zabuza and Haku's fates.

Dead;

Alive and joining Konoha;

Alive, but doesn't join Konoha.

If alive, then should Haku be female?

Yes.

No.

Itachi's fate:

Killed by Sasuke;

Alive to protect both Naruto and Sasuke from Madara.

Pein/Nagato and Konan's allegance:

Evil;

Spies Itachi recruited;

Part of Jiraiya's spy network.

If part of Jiraiya's spy network, the hermit will live.

Which one of the OC's should be Naruto's long-lost relative?

The Rasenkage himself/herself;

One of the Rasenkage's special force members.

Read and review, because I'm not a big fan of those who just either favorite the story and watch it without notifying my progress. And don't flame me about the Sephy vs Ganon thing. I had forgotten about their final forms, but I know Sephiroth would have a slight chance living against Ganondorf. In fact, the flames will be used as Falcon Punches (or Naruto's version, which involves wind, water, earth, ice, wood, or sand) to knock out the flamers.


	4. Meeting Fracktail and Kakashi

Naruto the Smash Brother.

Chapter 4: The Naruto Fan Club from Other Worlds…Konoha's Screwed.

----

When Naruto trained with his many different sensei, he was taught how to expect tactics that no one else would on the battlefield, stealth in the world of Ninja, and paying your respects to your fallen comrades and enemies.

When he woke up this morning, he didn't expect someone he had helped out during one of his training trips to appear…at all.

"Good morning, Naruto-kun," the green-skinned woman said, surprising him.

"GYAH! Midna-hime!" He had backed away from the Twilight Princess in surprise. "W-what are you doing here? I thought when the mirror broke, you were gone forever!"

"I told you we'd meet again, Naruto. I just didn't think the mirror would lead into your world, and in your basement, of all places. Still, I can tell one part of you is happy to see me."

Naruto had looked down…and covered himself in embarrassment. 'Traitorous bastard!' "Can you excuse me for a minute, Midna-hime? I'm not decent."

After about thirty minutes, both Naruto and Midna were sitting on the couch.

"You haven't answered my original question, Midna-hime," he said. "How did you get here?"

"It's a long story," Midna said, "but I found out there was more than one Twilight Mirror, and Hyrule was its last destination."

(Flashback, Midna's POV)

_After you and Link defeated Ganondorf, one of the Six Sages had talked to me about the mirror in secret._

"_You do know that once you break the Mirror, you can't find a way back to Hyrule," she (I thought it was a she) said to me._

"_I know," I said, tears in my eyes, "and I may never see the few friends I made again, Especially Naruto-ku…Naruto."_

"_Wait. I didn't finish. I only said you can't find your way back to __**Hyrule.**__ That doesn't mean you can't see the Fox Vessel again."_

_I was surprised at the Sage's words. For as long as I had known, the Twilight Mirror was bonded to Hyrule since the King of Evil was sealed in there, so I was caught off-guard by the Spirit Sage's next few words._

"_What are you getting at?"_

"_The Twilight Mirror is connected to the Twilight Princess's heart. Your heart, to be precise. If you truly love the Fox Vessel, you'll find a way to his world from yours." I had blushed at the mention of the part where I LOVED you. "I'm not called the Spirit Sage for nothing, and yours seems to be linked to him in a point to heartache when severed. However, you have to make the portal. We cannot interfere."_

"_Thank you, Sage of Spirit."_

"_Please, if you want, call me Nabooru."_

_And during our parting, you know our promise._

"_Naruto-kun," I said to you, "No matter how long it takes, I'll find you. I promise…" That's when I broke the mirror on Hyrule's side._

(End Flashback)

Naruto remembered that too well. "It's nice you kept your promise, Midna-hime," he said, "but what about the Twilight Realm? Wouldn't they need a leader?"

"Funny you should mention that," she said, shaking her head. "After Zant took over, all the Twili became mindless zombies, so I wasn't needed there. However, your Hokage found me after wandering through Konoha, and with his help, we arranged the whole place to suit your needs and moved the Mirror Gate to the basement."

Naruto blinked. 'No wonder the Old Man told me to check it out,' he thought. 'I wonder how many more surprises he gave me.' "Well, I did make a mental note to check it out sometime today, but I have about a month until Team Placements."

"Good." Without warning, she had embraced the young Fox Vessel into a hug. "We can get to know each other a little better…" Before she could plant a kiss, however…

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," a man said, entering the living room, "but I was told I became Naruto's Jounin sensei."

Midna was pissed at the new arrival, but Naruto was relieved, but he needed to make sure that the man wasn't lying.

"And you are?" Naruto asked the silver-haired newcomer.

"Where are my manners? My name is Kakashi Hatake, and I happen to know your father as my sensei."

Both of them were surprised at that. The Jounin in front of them didn't exactly look like the type, but he had the mask part down perfectly.

"If you're lying, Kakashi-san," Naruto said, "wind-charged fist meets face, and I'm pretty sure Midna-hime would give you a thrashing." Said princess was cracking her knuckles, making Kakashi sweatdrop.

'Hokage-sama wasn't kidding,' Kakashi said. 'He HAS changed during his leave.' "I don't lie. Despite acing the exam, you're still the dead-last of the graduating class, and they paired you up with the Rookie-of-the-year and the Strongest Kunoichi because the Council wished for me to teach Sasuke about the Sharingan or else my Father's grave is soiled even further."

That, Naruto could believe, and he was cursing the Council (mostly the Civilian Council) for it. "Figures that I'm on a team with Sasuke-teme," he muttered.

"I'm out of the loop," Midna said. "Who's Sasuke?"

Kakashi sighed. "Since you're considered one of Naruto's known girlfriends, I'll explain how Konoha has been during Naruto's…absence."

The cyclops knew that once one of the otherwordly fan-club knows about Naruto's treatment, the Civilian Council, Danzo, Koharu, and Homura were going to die. He mentioned that after Solid Snake had taken Naruto outside Konoha's borders, the Civilian Council wanted to mark him a missing-nin, but the Shinobi Council (other than the Uchiha Clan) used it as an invalid order because the Fox Vessel wasn't considered a Ninja at age five.

During year eight, however, the Uchiha Clan had conspired against the Hokage (because Hiruzen told Kakashi this to keep Naruto in the loop as a trump card against Danzo), and he ordered Itachi to kill the disloyal Uchiha. Unfortunately, the loyal Uchiha were killed by another player and had tortured Sasuke into thinking Itachi had killed all but him. Since then, he's been training for a cause that was misdirected and was given everything because of the Sharingan bloodline, hence why Kakashi was in the Uzumaki Vacation Home in the first place.

"That's stupid," Naruto said, making them stare at the young ninja like he knew something. "If Sasuke had dedicated his life to avenging the clan, he's already stepped into the Dark Side either way. Whoever Madara is, he's already sealed Sasuke's fate."

"I know that," the cyclops Jounin said. "However, I'm doing it not to teach Sasuke, but to bond with my sensei's kid. I can't exactly teach you anything other than once in a while because the Academy Proctors other than Iruka had arranged it and Hokage-Sama has a plan to put the Civilian Council out of Ninja Affairs which involves this placement."

"That's evil, cunning, and way out of line," Midna said. "Kakashi-san, Naruto-kun, good luck in the plan. If you'll need me, I'll be in the shadows." With a laugh, she had disappeared.

"Boy, would the Nara family be surprised," Kakashi said. "You've got yourself a keeper there, Naruto."

"Actually," Naruto said, "I forgot she could do that, but she's quite spirited. I'd be lying if I said I didn't love her." 'As well as some of the others that might appear, but I can't tell him that.'

With that, both the student and the teacher were bonding like brothers, and Kakashi had taught him a few Earth and Water jutsu in return. The cyclopian Jounin knew that a few jutsu wouldn't be enough for an 'I'm Sorry,' so he told stories of his Father during the Rock-Leaf War…which involved showing Naruto the Sharingan eye implanted in his left socket.

----

'Well,' Naruto thought while walking out of the ninja store in a Transformation, 'at least Kakashi-Sensei would've been willing to teach me, at least.'

"**HE'S AN HONORABLE SHINOBI,**" Kyuubi said, "**AND THE SHARINGAN USER THAT GAVE HIM THE EYE HAPPENED TO BE A LOT LIKE YOU, ACCORDING TO THE STORIES.**"

'The one Uchiha I could have liked, and he's six feet under. I think Obito-san would've frowned at Sasuke's actions, and if I'm right, would like to see someone other than a dead-last on the pole. He didn't tell me anything about what happens AFTER placements, though.'

"**ONE OF THE RULES OF NINJA IS TO EITHER LIE OR TELL FRAGMENTS OF THE TRUTH. IT'S SIMILAR TO WHAT YODA TOLD YOU ABOUT STORIES OF JEDI: 'A CERTAIN POINT OF VIEW, THE STORY MUST BE TOLD IN,' IN QUOTE.**"

'For an old guy, he knows discipline. I doubt he would approve of the life I've chosen, though. Still, I'm trying to keep to the Light Side of the Force as I possibly can. Plus I have yet to see the Basement of the house, so I'd better get back.' Sealing the ninja gear in a scroll, he then Shunshined back to his house and opened the door with stairs leading down it. 'Wouldn't hurt to change the light-bulbs.'

"**I SUGGEST USING FARORE'S WIND IN CASE YOU RUN INTO TROUBLE, KIT. THROUGH AGING, A BASEMENT CAN BE AS BAD AS A DUNGEON.**"

Naruto nodded, and took out a gem with a green spark in the middle of it, making a small typhoon outside the door. He then started to walk downstairs, minding his steps to be slow enough not to trip and light enough for the stairs not to break.

Without much incident, he had made it to the basement floor. To be on his guard, he had taken a kunai out of his pouch and began looking for a light switch.

'Why do I have the feeling that someone's watching me?' he asked himself.

"**SAME HERE, AND I DON'T THINK IT'S ANYONE YOU KNOW.**"

If it was Midna…wait, scratch that. She had a bit of a wry sense of humor, but never to frighten him.

However, he had accidentally pressed a stone trap.

'Well…shit.'

From above, he had accidentally sprung the old 'Rolling Boulder' trap, and the only way to actually survive is to run like hell…which, incidentally, he did.

'OH GOD, OH GOD, OH GOD, I DON'T WANT TO DIE IN MY OWN HOUSE! I JUST BECAME A GENIN, FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!'

However, before the hallway stone tablet closed down, he had slid into the door, and made a last-minute grab at his headband which fell out.

'What kind of Vacation Home has the old Boulder Trap?' he asked Kyuubi.

"**YOUR MOTHER'S, APPARENTLY.**" Naruto had growled. "**IN ALL SERIOUSNESS, KIT, I THINK SHE DEVELOPED THAT IN CASE INTRUDERS TRIED TO RAID THIS PLACE, AS YOU CAN SEE ON THE BLOODIED BODIES IN HERE.**"

To Naruto's disgust, there WERE bodies that were long-dead. 'Must have been one heck of a security system if the couldn't get past the first one. I really have to thank Sonic-san for the enhanced Shunshin lessons. And the Old Man wanted me to check this out?'

Before Kyuubi could retort, there was an earthquake in the chasm, which led Naruto to the gem he kept in his pocket.

In a weird coincidence, a dragon's head came out of the rubble.

"INTRUDER ALERT!" it said. "PROTOCOL DICTATES THAT I MUST EXTERMINATE YOU!"

"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?" Naruto asked, yelling out loud.

However, instead of an immediate attack, the dragon had pondered on the voice. "VOICE RECOGNITION IDENTIFIED. DATA UPDATE REQUIRED." With that, it was loading, which led Naruto to activate his codec in the process.

(Codec Transmission)

Naruto: This is Naruto from…somewhere in my mother's basement.

Man: It's been a long time, Naruto.

Naruto: Colonel, you won't believe what I'm seeing. Apparently, I'm staring in the face of a dragon with a loading screen.

Colonel: That would be Fracktail. He was basically the guardian of one of the Pure Hearts that were used against the Chaos Heart.

Naruto: Chaos Heart? Basically, he guarded an artifact that was similar to the Chaos Emeralds?

Colonel: Mostly. The Eight Pure Hearts were essential to counter-act the Chaos Heart created through forced marrage between Princess Peach and Bowser. Mario had to learn new tricks in order to defeat Dimentio, who was the user of the Chaos Heart, which leads to the guardian himself. This happens to be Fracktail 2.0.

Naruto: What happened to the first one?

Colonel: Virus by Dimentio and was destroyed by Mario and the Pixils. This one must have been a gift to Kushina-san from Master Hand in your parents' wedding.

Naruto: That explains the non-flattened dead bodies. They must have been Dad's enemies AND some of the Civilians who were angry that I was gone. I'm pretty sure that he's done loading. We'll talk later.

Colonel: Naruto, congratulations on becoming a Ninja. I'll see you later.

(End codec transmission)

After about a few minutes of loading, Fracktail took a good look at Naruto. "YOU HAVE THE DNA OF BOTH MINATO-SAMA AND KUSHINA-SAMA. YOU MUST BE THEIR KID."

Naruto was surprised. "Well, the Colonel did say that you were a wedding present to my Parents."

"KONOHA FILES ARE UPDATED. WELCOME TO THE ARCHIVE, NARUTO-SAMA. I TRUST YOU WERE TAUGHT BY THE GREAT HERO, MARIO?"

"Not just him, Fracktail-san. Basically, everyone he befriended during the Subspace Incident. Now, I want access to the Archive by request of the Third."

"ACCESS APPROVED, SINCE YOU DON'T HAVE A SET PASSWORD. THE THIRD KNEW ABOUT MY LINK TO YOU, BUT HE WANTED YOU TO FACE THE SURPRISE OF THE OLD BOULDER TRICK." Naruto had growled. "DON'T BLAME HIM. HE DIDN'T HAVE THE NECESSARY DNA TO DEACTIVATE IT."

"I'm still going to leave a nasty surprise on him."

In the Hokage Tower, Hiruzen shivered.

'I'm assuming Naruto met Fracktail,' he thought. 'It's the only explanation why I feel like I pulled Kyuubi's tail.' He could have sworn that the words "A curse be upon you" in the clouds.

Back in the cave, Fracktail had let him into the place…and it had the aspects of all the people he trained under. Gateways, spaceships, even a mainframe.

'I'm starting to think that MH knows more about my parents than anyone in Konoha does,' Naruto does. 'That meeting he had with my dad AND the mystery of my mother is basically the surface of what they're not telling me.'

"**IT'S BECAUSE KONOHA'S OPERATION WAS FUNDED BY YOUR DAD'S CLAN AND YOUR MOTHER HAD ADDED TECHNOLOGY FROM HER HOMETOWN. SARUTOBI WAS KEEPING YOU ALIVE TO FUND KONOHA AND HONOR YOUR DAD'S MEMORY AND THE SHINOBI CLANS KNOW THIS.**"

Naruto then had a flash of the bodies that were there. 'Of course. Some of them HAD to be from the Uchiha clan, if some of the headbands and clothes are any indication.' However, he had a disturbing thought. 'What if I was stalked? Kyuubi, did you sense anyone behind me?'

"**NOW THAT I THINK ABOUT IT…OH, SHIT!**"

Rushing towards the entrance, he saw what Kyuubi was talking about.

"MUST DESPOSE OF THE INTRUDER!" Fracktail yelled.

"Fracktail, stand down!" Naruto yelled. "She doesn't mean any harm!"

"BUT NARUTO-SAMA, SHE COULD BE ONE OF THE COPY NINJA!"

"The only Copy Ninja left alive is Sasuke, so if he come here, you can erase his memory and leave him in a compromising position, but you don't harm anyone from the Hyuga clan!"

Fracktail, after pausing, realized something. "DATABASE UPLINK REVEALS THAT HIASHI HYUGA IS AN ALLY TO MINATO-SAMA. SUBJECT HINATA HYUGA SHARES DNA WITH HIASHI-SAN. REQUEST ACKNOWLEDGED, NARUTO-SAMA."

"Thank you," Naruto said. "Now, leave us."

The mechanical dragon had left the area.

"W-w-what was that?" Hinata asked him.

"My family's guard dog," he replied. "Nice guy, but he needs an upgrade. Now, how did you get in here? The Old Man blocked this place off for a reason."

Hinata had blushed. "I hit a sinkhole while training."

Naruto sighed. 'I really need to fix that.' "Well, you happened to find my mother's basement, so welcome to my den, Hinata."

"But we all thought you were an orphan."

"Believe me, so did I until I was four. Now, we'd better get you to the surface. Hyuga-san's going to be pissed at me."

With that, the both of them had returned to the surface of Konoha, but a certain Twili love interest of our hero's was watching in interest.

'So this is Hinata,' Midna thought. 'If she can get past the stuttering problem, she'd make a good kunoichi and suitor of Naruto-kun's. Then again, their fathers DID plan their engagement, so I'd better get to know her.'

And elsewhere, a certain Uchiha was spooked to death by a robotic dragon…and didn't remember a thing afterward while wondering how he got in a compromising situation…

To be continued…

----

(A/n: I'm putting the harem into two categories: Kunoichi and Other. Hinata, as you can see, is in the Kunoichi category while Midna and Rao are in the Other category.

Thanks to Kyuubi16 (once again, thanks), I've got suggestions for harem members for either a Shonen Jump Superstars or Rumiko Takahashi crossover (Inuyasha/Ranma) and most of them are Bleach characters. Weird thing is, I agree with Yoruichi and Soi Fong and had a bit of belief that the both of them should be together while with another man, to make it interesting (In other words, if one of them goes, the other must approve by facing them in combat. If paired with Yoruichi, Naruto's fighting Soi Fong, and vice-versa.) Don't know much about Inuyasha other than Miroku sharing the same voice-actor as Teru Mikami from Death Note, though, and I'm glad he stayed away from Kagome. Kouga's significant other, however, is a must if Kouga plans to make Kagome his wife after breaking a promise to another woman. Naruto's the type of guy to pick up the pieces.

LuckyGeneral (another reviewer through my second chapter) had agreed with me using Blaze the Cat in the OTHER category. A princess guardian meeting the Fox Vessel through his Shunshin sensei (Sonic the Hedgehog) will be explained later, but I need to make it logical for her to enter the story AFTER Naruto talks to Hiashi.

Polls so far:

Zabuza and Haku's fate:

Dead: 0

Alive: 2.

Joining Konoha: 1

Joining Someone Else (Uzugakure): 1

Itachi's allegiance:

Protecting Naruto: 2

Protecting Sasuke: 1

Evil: 0

Pein, Konan, and (indirectly) Jiraiya:

Spies for Jiraiya (Itachi recruits them): 1

Evil (Jiraiya dies in the process): 0(?)

Current Harem members:

Hinata (I know, but I like NaruHina. Besides, Sakura has her head up her ass around this time, so it's the only one I know that makes sense.);

Midna (Met through a training trip to Hyrule, used him and Link through a transformation process that turned them into dogs (Naruto is a Gold/Red Fox) and fell in love with the boy because of his promise to save both Hyrule and the Twilight Kingdom and now lives with him);

Rao (AKA, Female Kyuubi. Through the Six Degrees theory, Rao has been sealed inside Naruto since October 10th and now likes him. She has yet to come out in physical form, but makes the best through learning the brush techniques she copied from Amaterasu years ago); and

Blaze the Cat (Met through Sonic himself. While Sonic's and Blaze's worlds were colliding, both Sonic and Naruto (along with a two-tailed fox named Tails, whom Naruto has a blood bond with) had to find not only the Chaos Emeralds, but the Sol Emeralds as well, but Naruto got seperated after trying to save Tails from Eggman Nega and ran into Blaze. They didn't see eye-to-eye at first, but they managed to get along after finding their way to the base in space…and through that, Naruto has a fear of space travel. However, Blaze promised that she'd see him again after a kiss goodbye, and she will. The Sol Emeralds can sense her love and heartache like Chaos can with the Chao).

And the compromising position Sasuke got into involved…well, anyone with the Byakugan can figure that out, and the next chapter involves meeting the Hyuga head himself. Oh, and Fracktail, thanks to Minato's interference, has a sadistic sense of humor.)


	5. Fate Can Be A Sadistic Bitch

Naruto the Smash Brother.

Chapter 5: Meeting the Hyugas…Fate Has a Sick Sense of Humor.

----

Naruto and Hinata came out of the sinkhole the young Hyuga Heiress fell in…but he realized that he didn't know where the hell the Hyuga Compound was.

"Hinata," the mortified protagonist said, "do you know where your house is?"

"It's that way, Naruto-kun," Hinata said. 'Did he just ask me for directions? Not even Neji-nii-san did that.' It's universal for a man to fear asking a woman for directions, and not even the Branch Member with-the-stick-up-his-ass would do it, either, because he said, and quoted, 'Fate has a Sick Sense of Humor.'

"Thanks. Lead the way."

However, Fracktail's antennae came out of the ground, prompting Hinata to jump onto Naruto (she's not a coward, but when something tried to kill her, she tends to get a little nervous) while he was rolling his eyes.

"INTRUDER NUMBER TWO IS PLACED IN A COMPROMISING POSITION, NARUTO-SAMA," the mechanical dragon said.

'Sasuke must have followed her,' Naruto thought. "Where did you put him?"

"UPLOADING MEMORY BANK. HE WAS PLACED IN THE FEMALE SIDE OF THE HOT SPRING ON KUNOICHI DAY AND IS NOW RECEIVING A BEATING SIMILAR TO ERO-SENNIN."

Both Genin blinked at that. "Uchiha-teme's going to be scarred for life," Naruto said. However, Hinata was giggling. "I didn't say anything funny…"

"It's not that, Naruto-kun. Once word gets out, they're going to start blaming you for it, even though you weren't here for a long time."

"Yes, and it's sickening," they heard a stern voice say behind them. Naruto and Hinata froze at the owner of the voice.

"Father…" Hinata said, meekly.

"Hyuga-san," Naruto said, "I was just taking Hinata-san home after she fell…"

"It's all right, Naruto-san. I knew where she would go, but I didn't expect to see Fracktail in the surface after all these years."

"I WAS ERROR, HIASHI-SAN," Fracktail said, "I MISTOOK HINATA-SAN AS AN UCHIHA UNTIL NARUTO-SAMA HAD MADE ME UPLOAD MY DATA BANKS…AGAIN."

Hiashi shrugged. "You were only defending the Uzumaki Archive, Fracktail. I hold no grudge against a mechanical dragon."

Naruto was surprised. "You know Fracktail? I thought he was going to be shut down because of harming Hinata-san! In fact, I was going to upload something that was so terrible that it had no name for harming her."

Fracktail cringed while Hiashi frowned. "I'm as surprised as you are, Naruto-san," he said. "However, I think we must discuss this out of the Hyuga Council's eyes."

Both Hinata and Naruto agreed on that.

"I WILL RESUME GUARDING THE ARCHIVE FROM THE COPY-NIN CLAN AND THE CIVILIANS WHO WISH TO HARM NARUTO-SAMA AND HIS ALLIES," Fracktail said, going back underground.

Silently enough, Hiashi had led the both of them to a private meeting chamber similar to the torture chambers in Konoha.

"Now," Hiashi said, "I have a lot of explaining to do now that you know everything about your father."

"But I thought Naruto was an orphan," Hinata said.

"We all did until eight years ago, Hinata. I must say, that Pliskin guy trained you well."

Naruto was no stranger to the name Pliskin. 'He must be referring to Snake-sensei's alias.' "It wasn't just Pliskin-sensei that taught me. Some of the fighters from the tournament he attended, their friends, and their friends' friends taught me a lot of things as well. As Hinata-san saw at the academy, I'm good with the Capoiera Style of Martial Arts, which involves a lot of kicking."

Hiashi smirked. "That is similar to the grace of the Hyuga Clan's Gentle Fist, Naruto-san. However, I doubt it would match against it."

"I know. I still need work on it, considering Sasuke was cocky and it was Taijutsu only. And one of the scrolls Samus-sensei got me happened to involve the Clans and Bloodlines of Konoha, so I know what you all could be capable of."

"Who's Samus?" Hinata asked him.

"Someone whom I deem close to my mother because she's seen a lot of pain. However, she's angry at the Civilian Council for my treatment, which most of them are. Even the evil ones weren't that mad."

"As much as I'd like to hear from your trainers," Hiashi said, "I'm aware that you became eligible for the CRA."

Naruto groaned. "Yeah, and the Old Man has bad timing, too. However, I only have my mother's clan to restore until I'm either 16 or at Chuunin Level. What are you implying?"

'Minato, I hope this works,' Hiashi thought. "This chamber is sound-proof for a reason, and Hinata, I would like for you to return to the compound and tell no one about this. You know the laws for the CRA."

"Yes, father," Hinata said, bowing. "Goodbye, Naruto-kun." With that, she left the chamber.

After Hinata left, Hiashi had explained the deal that he and Naruto's Father had…

"It's a good thing this chamber is soundproof," Naruto said, getting darker. "I had no idea my Father set me up with Hinata. I knew she liked me, but I was trying to distance myself from here because I'm the so-called 'Demon Brat.'"

Hiashi frowned. "I know, but Hokage-San had informed me of your heritage and the Hyuga clan supported the Namikazes since their settlement in Konoha during the rule of the Second Hokage. It's the Elders that worry me. I've had to pit Hinata up against Hinabi in order to appease them and my nephew hates both of them."

"I'll deal with him later. Right now, I accept the deal if Hinata's willing to. I don't want her to become a slave to my family because during my training trips, those who have didn't meet a peaceful end. And I'd be breaking my Nindo if I took her in without her consent, Hiashi-san."

'You're so much like your father, it's scary.' "Hinata's been stricken with you sometime after the Kumo kidnapping and my wife, Hinamori, has been saddened with your treatment. Her death hit me hard, and Hinata's starting to grow like her. In fact, I've been training her in this very chamber in order to keep her progress out of the Elders' eyes."

"**THAT MEANS THIS CHAMBER WAS PROBABLY MADE BY YOUR FATHER WITH HELP FROM YOUR MOTHER, KIT,**" Kyuubi said. "**THIS METAL IS VERY FOREIGN TO THIS PLACE.**"

"I'll consider your offer," Naruto said, "but Hinata has to agree to it as well. From what I hear, arranged marrages never end pretty."

"Very well, Naruto-san. I'll tell Hinata about this development while you search the Archives."

With the deal set, both the Hyuga Head and Lost Son of Konoha left the Byakugan-proof chamber without any suspicion from anyone...or so they thought.

----

Back in the archive, Naruto was searching for something.

'Slippy would be reeling if he can get his hands on this kind of technology,' he thought. 'It looks like it could be home to Samus-sensei.'

"**WASN'T THE CHOZO STATUE OBVIOUS ENOUGH?**" Kyuubi asked him, sarcastically. "**BESIDES, THE HOKAGE ONLY KNEW ABOUT YOUR FATHER, BUT YOUR MOTHER DIDN'T COME OUT OF THIN AIR. SOMEONE KILLED HER BECAUSE OF A GRUDGE, AND THAT'S WHAT WE INTEND TO FIND OUT.**"

'Right. No fooling around. The Boulder Trap has been deactivated to those except for my parents' DNA samples, my own, yours, and those whom we or they have befriended. As for Fracktail, his allies are the Sarutobi clan, the Hatake clan, the Inuzuka clan, the Yamanaka clan, the Nara clan, the Akimichi clan, the Aburame clan, and the Hyuga clan. Enemies happen to be everyone else, but more on that later. I'm starting to feel like I'm in what Yoda mentioned the Jedi Archives on Coruscant.'

However, their actions weren't unnoticed. Someone…or something was watching Naruto's every move. He didn't know who, but it was either mechanical or (the least likely option) organic.

'First Fracktail, then a panic-stricken Hinata, now this? If I want answers, I can't exactly be stalked by an unknown assailant.' "Come on out and show yourself!" he yelled.

He didn't expect to be kicked in the face for that comment.

'Definitely a hostile.' With that, he fought back with a flurry of kicks, but for some odd reason, they felt familiar. It was either the style his opponent used or the elemental chakra that was slightly burning his face.

However, it ended with Naruto being pinned down like a lion and its prey…and kissed him in a way only he recognized.

"It's been a long time, Naruto-kun," she said.

Naruto recognized that voice. "Blaze-chan?"

----

After a talk, Naruto wanted to ask why Blaze was here instead of Nega-Mobius.

"To tell you the truth, Naruto," Blaze said, "I've been asking myself that since I got here. If anything, I don't care, I'm just glad to see you again."

"Yeah," Naruto said. "I'm just as surprised as you are. I was actually looking for why my mother was killed in cold blood. I would ask Fracktail, but he's only designated for guarding this place."

"Then we'll look together. I was actually looking for a way to connect both sides of Mobius in here."

Naruto raised an eyebrow, because the only known way to do it was to use two different forms of power unintentionally. If not resolved, existence becomes nothingness.

However, in order to gain something that was lost, they had to work together, so they decided to look through the archives.

"**WHY NOT USE THE SHADOW CLONE TECHNIQUE?**" Kyuubi asked him.

'Because I'm looking for the AI that can help,' he replied in thought. 'That, and I couldn't leave her out of the loop.'

Unfortunately, because he was lost in thought, he tripped over what looked like a dead body.

'Okay, I'm officially freaked out now,' he thought. 'There's a dead person in the Archives.'

"**CHECK AGAIN, KILLER. THAT'S NOT HUMAN AT ALL. IT'S AN ANDROID.**"

Naruto had a look of confusion on his face. 'Is there something you're not telling me, Kyuubi? Because if you know about an android living in this place…or androids at all, you must be around longer than we have.'

"**I'M NOT TOO SURE MYSELF, BUT I'VE BEEN AROUND LONGER THAN YOU HAVE. I CAN TELL WHAT'S ALIVE AND WHAT ISN'T, AND WHEN IT DOESN'T SMELL LIKE DEATH AND ROTTEN ORGANS, IT'S AN ANDROID OR SOMETHING CLOSE TO IT.**"

Inspecting it, Naruto realized Kyuubi was right…once again. 'For a bucket of bolts here, he seems pretty fresh. I'm assuming Fracktail knows about him freeloading.'

Before Kyuubi can retort, the android was activated.

"What happened?" the being asked no one in particular. "Did we win?"

"IT'S ALIVE!" Naruto yelled.

"Not so loud, Minato." He then realized something. "What happened, did you try an aging seal and end up as a teen?"

'He knows my Dad?' "Uh, no. I happen to be his son, Naruto Uzumaki Namikaze, but I'm just Naruto Uzumaki for the time being. I don't even know who you are, Android-san."

The android frowned. "Well, by the looks of things, the Archive is stable. And I'm not an android. I'm a Reploid."

"A what?"

"Basically, I happen to be a battle android that's made to protect humanity from Mavericks that are no longer human in body, mind, and soul. I can't kill anyone, although it doesn't stop me from torturing them. I am Megaman X, or X as my friends call me. Because you're intact, your claim is true; otherwise, I would've turned you over to Fracktail."

"Yeah, we've met before. Listen, X-san, I'm trying to find out how my Mom died, and since I just activated you, can you find the part of the archive that recorded it?"

"I'm not exactly a Servbot, but I can help you out. Follow me."

Both X and Naruto looked towards the back of the Archives, and X had pulled out a memory block that had the last known area of one Kushina Uzumaki.

Naruto didn't exactly like who he saw. A Sith Apprentice had killed his mother in cold blood, and because of the trip to stop Soul Edge and Soul Calibur, he recognized the fighting style.

"Starkiller…"

"You know him?" X asked him.

"Darth Vader's secret apprentice. He and I tangoed while trying to find Soul Edge and Soul Calibur. I was trained under Yoda at the time, so it was one-sided. That, and he had an affinity towards the Dark Side that was unheard of, even to Yoda, who disapproved of finding him. He was surprised that the Force was used as a tool instead of a life-force, but he told me to use the Grip and Lightning when I'm in mortal danger. I'm assuming my mother was a Jedi Knight?"

"One of the best," X said. "However, your Mother's killer knows you exist, so you'll need help. I doubt you can reach Yoda, and Obi-Wan is hiding on Tatooine, or so the back-up says. There are other Reploids walking this planet, though."

Naruto nodded, but Blaze had noticed the look on his face.

"You're not thinking of vengeance, are you?" she asked him.

"Not in the least," he replied. "Blaze, this is Megaman X. X-san, this is Blaze-chan."

"Nice to meet you, Blaze," X said.

Blaze was confused. "That explains why Midna's willing to share."

"You met Midna-hime?" Naruto asked her.

"Met her? She ran into me while I was looking for you."

Sure enough, Naruto was embraced from behind by said Twilight Princess.

"I doubt this is a good time," she said, noticing the annoyed look on her boyfriend's face, "but I assumed you found your Mother's killer?"

Naruto nodded. "I'm not going for vengeance. That would make me as bad as he is. Instead, I'm going to train hard for the days ahead to make sure that no one shares the same fate as she did. I would make a bad lover, let alone Hokage, if this happened to any of you and I was focused on something else."

Midna smiled. 'That's one of the reasons why I fell for you, Naruto-kun,' she said. 'You put yourself over your friends to protect them.'

Blaze frowned. 'From the looks of the guy's power,' she thought, 'Naruto would think twice before battling him.' She then smiled. 'This guy is one out of a million, so I need to train hard myself.'

'Looks like Naruto-sama is in good hands,' X thought. 'However, I need to find the other Maverick Hunters so they would meet him and train him.'

----

Elsewhere, in a galaxy far, far away, a certain Sith Apprentice had found who he was looking for.

"Starkiller," he heard someone say. A man in a black mask walked up to him. "Is something troubling you, my apprentice?"

"Nothing, Lord Vader," he said. "I'm just remembering my punishment from my hunt for the Sword of Souls."

"You learned your place, but I know you found the Padawan. He would be a good asset…if he weren't trained by Yoda. If you find him, kill him. If you fail..."

"I understand, Master. I won't fail you again." With that, the Secret Apprentice had left the Super Star Destroyer in a specialized TIE Fighter. 'Soon, son of Uzumaki, I will have my revenge over the fluke we had years ago, and you'll meet the same fate your Mother had after giving birth to your hide.'

Vader could only look in disdain. 'Don't underestimate Uzumaki, Starkiller. He was able to figure me out and use it to his advantage, but only because Yoda knows about me. Right now, I must consult with the Emperor about this development.'

To be continued…

----

(A/n: Again, only Yoda, Vader, and Starkiller are involved with the Star Wars crossover. Vader has his own problems. As for Megaman X's appearance, let's just say that Sigma was still around, only infected a certain human with malicious intent. I don't know if I'll bring in Eggman or not, though.

New poll:

Which arc should Starkiller appear in?

Wave Arc;

Chuunin Exam Arc (during the Forest of Death);

Tsunade Retrieval Arc;

Sasuke Retrieval Arc; or

Filler Arc (would be known as the Secret Apprentice arc).

Current Harem members:

Hinata;

Midna;

Rao (Female Kyuubi); and

Blaze the Cat.

The past polls are still running, and you do your part to read and review. I almost forgot about the criticism part, and I've heard I'm doing great on originality, but not as much as a few authors have done. Oh, and if you're wondering what happened to Sasuke, he basically ran into Fracktail and ended up buck naked in the middle of the hot spring on Kunoichi day without a damn clue how he got there. Needless to say, he was the laughingstock of some of the older Konoha Kunoichi (Kurenai, Anko, Hana, Rin, Tsume, and Yugao included) and Sai would use the classic Bill Murray one-liner "This man has no dick" because it's in character for him.

To all Sasuke-fans, the only way he has a redeeming quality is if he was killed when he killed Orochimaru, but that doesn't seem to be the case this time. I told you Sasuke would get a beating every now and then.)


	6. I Hate My Teammates part 1

Naruto the Smash Brother.

Chapter 6: I Hate My Teammates! Memories of the Month. Team Seven's Self-Destruction!

----

It had been one month…one long and agonizing month, but Naruto managed to train without starving to death.

'And now,' he thought, 'the Team Placements. I swear, I have to restrain myself from using Force Lightning on them…or at least the Maelstrom Eagle Captain Falcon taught me.'

"**STICK WITH THE JEDI MIND TRICK, GAKI,**" Kyuubi said. "**IT'S NOT WORTH WASTING POWER ON THE UCHIHA.**"

'I know, Rao-chan. But I'm considered the Dead-Last in grades, and Konoha has a history of pairing us up with the Rookie-of-the-Year.' He then laughed. 'Rookie of the Year, my ass. He couldn't defeat me even when I'm restrained, like what happened three-and-a-half weeks ago.'

(Flashback)

_Naruto was training with X on his Chakra Control (walking up trees, walking on water, etc.) when he felt a familiar presence._

"_What are you doing here, teme?" Naruto asked the onlooking Uchiha._

"_I don't know what happened during the Taijutsu match," he replied, "but there's no way that a dobe like you could beat me."_

_Naruto sighed and waved his hand in front of him. "You don't need to see what I can do."_

_Sasuke had stopped what he was doing, then said, "I don't need to see what you can do."_

"_You want to go to the Sasuke Fan-Club Headquarters and offer yourself to them."_

"_I want to go to my Fan Club's headquarters and offer myself to them." Without any sign of emotion, the Uchiha had left…like that._

_X was shell-shocked at Naruto. "What the heck was that?" the Reploid asked him. "I thought he would force the Council for you to train him."_

"_The Force has a strong influence on the weak-minded. If anything, he'll probably forget about the whole thing…until he realizes his predicament."_

_The next day, Sasuke found himself in his underpants after wondering what happened to him. The fangirl sleeping next to him was an indication that Naruto had sucker-punched him._

'_Okay, Itachi can wait. Naruto will die for humiliating me like that.'_

(End THAT flashback)

Naruto was still laughing in the empty classroom. 'They will never catch me.'

"**AND THEY NEVER HAVE. BUT REMEMBER WHEN YOU FOUND THE FOX CONTRACT WITHIN THE ARCHIVES? YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY AS SMUG AS YOU ARE WHEN I WAS AROUND, AND DON'T FORGET WHO TAUGHT YOU HER STUFF.**"

Our hero can still picture Rao/Kyuubi's human form, which made Midna jealous, Blaze angry, and Hinata freaked out. 'You could put a few eyes out with those hooters, and I don't think Kakashi knows your true identity. Well, he does, but he's passive only because your last human form even seduced a Poncle…whatever that is.'

Rao remembered said Poncle well. "**NO MATTER HOW MANY YEARS PASS, NARUTO-KUN, THERE ARE PERVERTS EVERYWHERE.**"

(Flashback…again)

_Naruto had pulled out the Fox Contract from the Armory version of the Archives as part of weight exercise thanks to Kyuubi's smart thinking._

'_Smart thinking, my ass,' Naruto thought. 'This thing isn't a contract. It's a fricking tree.'_

"_**LESS TALK, MORE WORK,**__" Kyuubi said. "__**IF YOU WANT TO KNOW MY ARTS, YOU HAVE TO TALK TO ME PERSONALLY. THEY DIDN'T KNOW THAT SOME BIJU HAD SUMMONING CONTRACTS.**__"_

_Naruto rolled his eyes and signed the contract. Then he tried the right hand-signs._

"_**SUMMONING JUTSU!**__" In a giant poof of smoke, what was expected as a behemoth that could topple the Archive…came out as a beautiful woman with black hair, purple robe, and a pair of melons that would make Tsunade green with envy. "Wow…"_

"_Like what you see, Naruto-kun?" Kyuubi said. "Of course, this is the form I had last time. You've seen me as a giant Biju before."_

_However, Kakashi had been looking for Naruto…and his eyes (well, eye) was bulging at the sight of what Naruto summoned._

"_Naruto," Kakashi said, making the both of them shocked that he was listening, "by any chance is that who I think it is?"  
_

_Naruto sighed. He had to come clean with Kyuubi sooner or later. "Kakashi, this is Kyuubi. Kyuubi, Kakashi. You killed his Sensei."_

'_How can he be casual about it?' Kakashi thought. "And the only reason why Kyuubi isn't starting a rampage is because that she's using a false body?"_

"_Yes, Kakashi," Kyuubi said. "And I can sense the Sharingan in your eye. It was a thing to remember him by, right?"_

_Kakashi was shocked, but Naruto had explained that she was looking for Orochimaru and Madara Uchiha for answers. She can't remember what they looked like, by the eyes are what she's best at. After all, she created the Sharingan in the first place._

"_That's a lot to take in," Kakashi said. "My Sensei was killed because you thought Orochimaru and Madara were still here. However, like me neglecting to take care of Naruto, you have a LOT to make up for."_

"_I think Kyuubi told me she was under the guise of a priestess once before," Naruto said, interjecting. "But she was under control of a being named Yami. You can use her name, right?"_

_Kyuubi nodded. "Rao it is, then," she said. "It's been a long time since I used that name…"_

(End THAT flashback)

'I had ended up on the couch that week,' Naruto thought. 'I'm not even married and already I'm whipped.'

"**HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMAN SCORNED. KONOHA SHOULD KNOW THAT WELL SINCE I ATTACKED.**" However, their conversation was cut short with the arrival of the other students.

"Of all the things I've seen," one of the kids said, "one of them wasn't a kid sleeping in BEFORE class. What were you doing here?"

"Resting from a training session," Naruto said. "What about you?"

"Same as you are, only my Mother forced my Father into it, which was diverting me from my usual cloud-watching. Name's Shikamaru Nara, and I assume you're Naruto Uzumaki?"

"No, I happen to be the reincarnation of the Fourth. Yes, I'm Naruto. I'm assuming you've heard of me."

"Heard of you? Not only did you prank the Hokage and Sasuke, you also painted the Hokage Monument, put Sasuke into his fangirl headquarters, and were rumored to have an eternal summon guarding your estate! Only hearing of you is a modest response. Some of the guys in class actually want to know your secret of humbling the Uchiha."

"It's no secret. You just have to knock him out and put him in a compromising position. I'm not accepting students, though."

The young Nara smirked. 'Naruto's going to be one interesting person to work with,' he thought. 'He won't be as troublesome as Ino would be if we're put on a team. Then again, he'd probably round me up for a prank himself.'

'I'm guessing his Dad's part of the Shinobi Council,' Naruto thought. 'If anything, the Naras think everything is troublesome, which includes the Civilian Council meddling with Ninja affairs.'

"**I ALMOST WISH THAT THE HOKAGE PUT YOU UP WITH HIM,**" Rao said. "**UNFORTUNATELY, HALF OF YOUR MISERY TRIP IS HERE WHILE THE OTHER IS COMPETING WITH THE YAMANAKA JUST TO GET THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR.**"

Even the stoic Aburame was annoyed by their antics. And they were graduating Kunoichi?

"Out of my way, Naruto," Sakura said. "True love is upon us!"

"No way, Forehead-Girl," Ino yelled. "I'm sitting next to Sasuke!"

Naruto's eyebrow twitched. The Sasuke Fan Girls were starting to bicker over the game show "Who-wants-to-sit-next-to-the-Uchiha," and Naruto was the unwilling contestant.

"SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP!" Naruto's saving grace (aka, Iruka's Demon Head jutsu) said, making Sakura merge through Naruto and sitting next to Sasuke. "Now, congratulations on being Genin. But as you know, the work isn't over. For Team 1…"

Through the whole thing, Naruto only paid attention to the teams that caught his ears.

"Team Seven," Iruka said. "Naruto Uzumaki…Sakura Haruno..." (Sakura was groaning while Naruto said "I'm going to die.") "…and Sasuke Uchiha." (Sakura was cheering while Naruto said, plain and simple, "Knew it. I knew that the Uchiha was on my team.") "Your Jounin Sensei is Kakashi Hatake."

Naruto frowned. 'Should they learn the hard way that Kakashi is late for everything?' he asked Rao.

"**IF YOU FEEL LIKE A SADISTIC ASSHOLE, THEN YES,**" Rao said. "**OTHER THAN THAT, THERE IS THE JEDI MIND TRICK.**"

'I know it works on Sasuke, but Sakura's got something that feels similar to you, only it isn't demonic. I doubt it would work on her.'

'I feel sorry for you, Naruto,' Hinata thought. 'If either the Uchiha or the Haruno harm you, me and the other Namikaze women will show them why we care.'

Shikamaru sighed. 'Sucks to be him. Ino isn't as loud, but she is as bossy. Only difference is the Mind Transfer Jutsu.'

"Team Eight," Iruka said, "Hinata Hyuuga…Kiba Inuzuka…and Shino Aburame. Your Jounin Sensei is Kurenai Yuuhi."

Naruto could only stare at Hinata in concern. 'I'll have to talk to Shino and Kiba later.'

"Team Nine is still in circulation. Team Ten will consist of Ino Yamanaka…Shikamaru Nara…and Chouji Akamichi. Your Jounin Sensei will be Asuma Sarutobi."

After the placements, Naruto had caught Shino and Kiba before they went out.

"We need to talk," Naruto said.

"What for?" Kiba asked him.

"Yes, Uzumaki-san," Shino said. "What is it?"

"During the past month that I've lived here, I've grown close to Hinata, and I'm telling this to you because you're her teammates: If anything happens to her, I'll do worse than what I did to Sasuke. The prank I did to him affected the weak-minded, and I know about the Inuzuka and Aburame clans' strengths and weaknesses, and it will get worse when Kumo nin are involved."

Kiba gulped. 'I've heard about the incident between Kumo and the Hyuga clan, and Naruto's as loyal as our dogs are to her. Even Akamaru's scared of his killing intent.'

Shino, however, remained stoic, but would fear that Naruto will find a way to nullify his kikai bugs. He didn't know that he was right, only the way was through a travel-sized can of Raid Naruto had in a sealed scroll.

"Naruto-san, you have our word that Hinata will remain safe. Just please don't nullify my front."

"Yeah," Kiba said, shivering. "I really don't want to get involved when mating season hits."

"Thanks," Naruto said. "Now, I know your parents respected the Fourth's Wish, but once you cross someone close to me, you're going to get crossed back. Are we clear?"

"Crystal," both nin said.

Naruto nodded, and then went towards the roof with his packed lunch. However, he could see Sasuke eating an Onigri roll.

'I'm starting to wonder what they see in him,' he thought. 'The only capable Kunoichi I've met are Hinata-chan and that weapons girl I've seen hang out with Neji.'

"**I DON'T HAVE THE ANSWER TO THAT ONE, NARUTO-KUN,**" Rao said. "**BUT FROM HOW IT LOOKS, MOST OF THE 'KUNOICHI' JOINED THE RANKS BECAUSE OF THE UCHIHA. THEY'RE A DISGRACE TO FEMALE WARRIORS SUCH AS SOME OF YOUR TRAINERS, AND IF I HADN'T ATTACKED, I WOULD'VE BEEN ON PAR WITH TSUNADE AND YOUR MOTHER.**"

'In human terms, but you're more powerful than Tsunade since one your tails could knock down a mountain AND create a tsunami at the same time. I don't know how you'd stand up against a Jedi Knight that went out of labor, though. Besides, the weapons girl and Neji have some odd friends…'

(Flashback…once more.)

_Around two weeks, Konoha had a rainstorm that nearly engulfed the village in a flood if it weren't for the Archives' storm drains that lead to a filtration system. Naruto had taken shelter in the Hyuga Dojo because the Uzumaki House was near the outskirts of Konoha._

_Unfortunately, he was about to become a victim to a genjutsu that would make even Satan take a bath in Holy Water, Ganondorf commit seppuku with the Master Sword, and even Sephiroth cry to his mother in fear._

"_LEE!" one of the voices yelled._

"_GAI-SENSEI!" another voice yelled._

_In front of Naruto was a sunset genjutsu…and he had tried to nullify it only to find out it was in full blast._

"_WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON HERE!?!" he yelled, breaking the two out of their stupor._

"_One of their usual antics," Hinata said. "This happens every time during a rainy day, Naruto-kun."_

"_I'm assuming you know this guy and his unbreakable genjutsu?"  
_

"_AH," the man said. "IT SEEMS THAT THIS YOUNG MAN'S FLAMES OF YOUTH IS EAGER TO LEARN! I AM GAI MAITO, THE BEAUTIFUL GREEN BEAST OF KONOHA!"_

"_AND I AM ROCK LEE, THE BEAUTIFUL AZURE BEAST OF KONOHA!"_

_Naruto was weirded out. 'Those eyebrows are not human,' he thought. 'I don't care if they are. Those eyebrows could possibly give Kakashi's Sharingan Eye a run for his money.' Obviously, he didn't know how right he was. "My name's Naruto Uzumaki…and sorry for not hearing of you guys until now. I moved back here a couple weeks ago, and the only Jounin-Sensei I've met is Kakashi and…"_

_"I'M FAMILIAR WITH KAKASHI AND HIS HIP ATTITUDE," Gai said. "HE AND I ARE ETERNAL RIVALS, BUT THE SCORE IS IN MY FAVOR."_

_Naruto groaned. 'Kakashi has some explaining to do.'_

"_I didn't know anyone other than us was in here," a woman with her hair in a bun-like hairstyle said. "My name's TenTen, and I see you got hit by Gai's genjutsu."_

"_What is up with that? I can understand the hairstyle and eyebrows, but the Genjutsu looked inhuman."_

_By the looks on the both Hinata and Tenten, neither of them could explain it. If a Hyuga, with the all-seeing eyes, couldn't explain it, then its best if he didn't ask._

"_I'm assuming this is the newcomer?" a teenager with the Byakugan said. "I don't know what Hiashi sees in you. To me, you're just a loser like Hinata-sama here."_

'_Mental note,' Naruto thought, 'kick this guy's ass later for calling Hinata-chan a loser.' "Say what you want, Hyuga-san. Words can only go so far unless you can back them up, and the Uchiha learned that the hard way."_

_Hinata, TenTen, and Konoha's rendition of Dr. Evil and Mini-Me were surprised at the tone of voice Naruto used against him. It was regal, yet filled with the tone that plainly said 'we are equal.'_

"_I'm assuming you're only saying that because you don't stand a chance against me?" the Hyuga asked him._

"_Leave him alone, Neji-nii-san," Hinata said. "He was just looking for shelter and…"_

"_Stay out of this, Hinata-sama. This man is a coward hiding behind those words."_

'_Oh, he did not go there,' Naruto thought. "Could you repeat that? I thought I heard something crazy in my ear."_

"_You heard me. You're nothing but a coward to refuse a challenge from me."_

_Now, Gai had heard of Naruto's tenant, but the killing intent came form Naruto himself._

'_Screw later. If humble politics couldn't work, this guy needs a medical dose of ass-kicking, Hyuga or not.' Naruto then released some of his restraints, making a blow of repressed chakra flow through the room. "I've heard about the Gentle Fist," Naruto said. "I wonder how it would work against a master of dance."_

"_Gai-sensei," Lee said, "how did he learn the Hachimon?"_

_"That's not the Hachimon, Lee," Gai said. "He just released some of his chakra into the battlefield." 'Is it the Kyuubi? No, from what Kakashi told me, he has a type of restraint and weapons Konoha isn't familiar with. But that much chakra…is he going all out?'_

"_You know, you're lucky that I was able to reduce my handicap to Level 5. Had I released all six restraints, you'd be nothing but blood in the dojo."_

'_THAT WAS ONLY ONE LEVEL!?!' Hinata and Tenten thought._

'_Looks like I found my eternal rival,' Lee thought._

_Neji was surprised. "You should have released all six then. I'll be able to suppress them all."_

"_Bring it!"_

_(One Hour Later…)_

_The battle was a bit surprising. Naruto and Neji were on even ground with Gai and Lee surprised at the Taijutsu style he used (Capoeira, if they can recall). Tenten, however, wanted to know about the hilt he had. Hinata, however…_

'_At least you didn't kill him,' she thought._

_At one point, however, Naruto had fallen victim to the Hyuga signature move, the 64 Divination Palms. Through the rambling Neji gave off, Naruto knew that he wasn't an asshole, but was blaming his problems on the wrong people. Instead of training to prevent this from happening again, he just gained a grudge against the Main Branch._

_However, Naruto had told him that he not only can use Chakra, but different energies, shown when breaking out of the restraint. With that, he had managed to take Neji down with one hit._

"_Neji," Naruto said, "I wasn't kidding when I said I knew what it was like to have something out of my control. If it wasn't for those whom I consider an extended family, I would've lost myself into the darkness. You, on the other hand, blamed Hinata-chan for the death of your Father. If anything, you could have trained yourself to make sure it didn't happen again. After all, you have better eyes than I do."_

_Neji was surprised. 'Better eyes…'_

_Three days after the fight, Neji not only acknowledged everyone as an equal, but was closer to Hinata and Hanabi. The upside was that the Branch Member didn't have the superiority stick up his ass anymore. The downside…Naruto knows how Kakashi feels about someone like Gai Maito as an 'eternal rival.'_

(End THAT flashback.)

It was an hour that he tried to get the team together, but gave up after realizing that they're going to find out the hard way. To put it in simple terms, Naruto had to Transform into Sasuke in order to convince Sakura to work with him and Naruto, and it worked…until the REAL Sasuke came in.

Now he's just groaning. 'I swear, Sasuke's going to be the death of me someday,' he said.

"**IF YOU KEEP DOING THAT, IT WILL ACTUALLY COME TRUE,**" Rao said. "**STILL, YOU TRIED TO GET THE HARPY'S HEAD OUT OF HER ASS, AND THAT'S EFFORT. SHE'S STILL REALIZING THAT SHE HAD PUNCHED THE REAL SASUKE INSTEAD OF THE STORYBOOK NIN YOU POSED AS.**"

'And they didn't believe me when I said to find a way to entertain themselves because Kakashi-sensei is chronically tardy. Now I'm starting to wonder if whoever killed off the Uchiha Clan forgot to add one to the kill count.'

Somewhere in a base outside Konoha, two people sneezed. One of them was a former Konoha nin while the other was wearing an orange mask.

Back in the classroom, two people had entered the room. Naruto had recognized the one with the red eyes instantly while the other one reminded him of the Third.

"**DARE I ASK WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN YOU TWO? IF IT'S WHAT I THINK IT WAS…**"

'I only met her through a crazy Kunoichi that reeked of snakes. I swear, if she had an interest in me, she'd ask you, Midna-hime, Blaze-chan, or Hinata-chan.'

"Team Eight," the woman said, "come with me." She couldn't exactly take a glance at Sasuke without laughing. 'Looks like whatever Naruto did, he's not going to get support from any of the older female Kunoichi. My headband's off to you. If only you were my student.'

"Team Ten," the man said, "come with me." The Sarutobi had looked at Naruto. 'And Dad said he has a wind affinity. I know Kurenai's thinking the same thing, but the Council can be quite forceful.'

As both teams left, Sasuke and Sakura were left to deal with Naruto as he took out a book with a black cover.

"Where did you get that, dobe?" Sasuke asked him.

"Bookstore," he replied. "It was on sale, teme." The title happened to be the Frog, the Slug and the Snake, a non-porno documentary written by Hiruzen Sarutobi and edited by Toad Sage. Basically, it's a documentary of the friendship/hated rivalry between the Three Sannin that ended with the Slug leaving Konoha, the Frog learning under his kin, and the Snake planning its demise. For some odd reason, he could picture himself, Sakura, and Sasuke doing the same thing.

Around an hour and a half later…

"WHERE THE HELL IS HE!?!" Sakura yelled.

"I told you so," Naruto replied, reading another book. He had already finished the last one and was now in the middle of another one called "The Fox Prince of the Leaves." I think it's self-explanatory since the author was the same as the last one. "Our sensei's chronically tardy."

"How could we have known that?" Sasuke asked him. 'Has the Dobe met him before?'

"Oh, I don't know, simply because of the obvious 'I told you so,' but mostly because he's not in a life-or-death situation. That, and neither of you wanted to listen to the Dead-Last…which you're currently doing right now."

Like the battle between himself and Mizuki, Sasuke disregarded anything Naruto said and Sakura followed his example. It wasn't until the door opened to reveal Kakashi.

"My first impression is…" Kakashi said, "I don't like you…"

'About time someone had some sense,' Sasuke said.

'SHANNRO!' Sakura's inner self said. 'HE DOESN'T LIKE NARUTO!'

"…as a whole." Everyone was confused. "Individually…you're too full of yourself…" (He was glaring at Sasuke while saying that) "…your stupidity is deafening…" (He was looking at Sakura, but she was unaware of who he was referring to until he said the last one) "…and I pity the blonde one. Meet me on the roof." With that said and done, Kakashi disappeared and Naruto did the same thing, much to Sasuke's anger and Sakura's bewilderment.

'How can the Dobe learn that technique already?' Sasuke asked himself. 'I deserve that power. Not some no-name shinobi with the emo-ass hairdo.' Not that this matters, the writer should point out that the pot's calling the kettle black.

'Sensei…pities Naruto?' Sakura thought. 'I know Sasuke has a bad childhood, but what could be enough for him to tell him that he was full of himself and me stupid?' If she knew the truth…would she still follow her crush or will her eyes be opened?

When both of the non-advanced Genin walked up to the roof, they saw Naruto reading another book, much to their surprise.

"What kept you?" the blond-haired/red-tipped shinobi asked them. He was reading "The Fox Among the Hounds" (not to be confused with the original tale, but involving a Hound who had a fox in his hunting pack and neglecting the training because of it. It was written by the First Hokage, yet edited by Toad Sage, once again) and bookmarked it.

"Now that we're all here," Kakashi said, "let's introduce ourselves."

"How so?" Sakura asked him.

"You can tell me your names, likes, dislikes, hobbies and dreams."

"Can you show us?"

Both Naruto and Kakashi sighed.

"My name is Kakashi Hatake," Kakashi said. "My likes and dislikes are none of your business, my hobbies aren't for those who are underage, and my dreams…are a secret."

Sasuke and Sakura facefaulted while Naruto was indifferent.

'All we got was his name,' Sakura thought.

'This is our Jounin Sensei?' Sasuke asked himself.

"You first, pinky," Kakashi said, motioning to Sakura.

Sakura growled at the nickname. If it wasn't her forehead that was mocked, it was her hair. The Harunos were the only citizens of Konoha that had naturally pink hair. "My name is Sakura Haruno. My likes…" She had looked at Sasuke. "My dislikes are Naruto and Ino-pig, my hobbies…" Again, looking at Sasuke. "And my dream…" If anyone doesn't know what THAT is, they should look up the series, because it's GLARINGLY obvious.

Kakashi rolled his eye. 'I doubt even Rin was that bad.' "You're next, duck-ass."

Sasuke seethed at that nickname. "My name is Sasuke Uchiha. My likes aren't many, but my dislikes are. I don't have any hobbies, and my dreams are to revive my clan and kill two certain individuals." He was glaring at Naruto when he said that last part. He still remembers the incident with his fan-girls.

'And that's what happens when I try to make peace with the Sasuke-lovers,' Naruto said. 'Everyone wins except for the peace offering.'

'Whatever Naruto did,' Kakashi said, 'it must have been embarassing.' "And lastly, the man with the firey hairstyle."

Naruto smirked. "My name is Naruto Uzumaki. I like my extended adopted family, Ramen, a few women, and the few friends I can count with both hands. I dislike people with sticks shoved up their asses that can't take a joke, fangirls with tunnel-vision, the three minutes it takes to cook ramen, those who can't tell a kunai from the scroll said weapon is sealed in, and murderers that don't care whether someone is recovering or not. My hobbies are training, eating Ramen, pranking, and embarassing someone to the point of tabloid-printing, and my dream is to become Hokage so I can prevent anyone from suffering the same fate as my birth mother."

Sasuke was surprised at that last part. 'His clan was killed as well? Then why is he taking his frustration out on me?'

'His mother was murdered?' Sakura thought. 'But who was that man that took him out of the village?'

Kakashi frowned. Ever since he found out who killed his mother, he's been dead-set on protecting everyone. Even if he doesn't like his teammates, he would protect him from the madman that killed Kushina Uzumaki. 'So, an emo-avenger who wants to kill his own teammate, his devoted fangirl that hates at first glance, and the son of my Sensei who wants to protect them both. Kami must hate me.' "Now that we're properly introduced, meet me at Training Ground 7 at 6:00 in the morning for your Genin Test."

Sakura was confused. "But I thought we took our Genin Test."

"The exam in the academy was to pick those who have the potential to become genin. Out of the 27 graduates, only nine can become Genin. It's just that hard, plain and simple."

Sasuke frowned. 'I don't care who or what made the Dobe who he is today. Only I will become Genin so I can kill…him.'

'Only nine…' Sakura thought. 'If I fail, I won't get close to Sasuke-kun! NARUTO, YOU'D BETTER NOT SCREW THIS UP!' That last part was Inner Sakura, by the way.

'It's not even our first mission,' Naruto thought, 'and already my teammates are assholes. If anyone has the same problem I do, I'll be completely surprised.'

In space, a certain Sith Lord sneezed. He then realized that one of the Stormtroopers was firing directly at the Falcon. "I told you, across their ship, not up it!"

"Sorry, sir," the Stormtrooper said. "It won't happen again sir."

Vader, confused at the tone, said, "What happened to the Stormtrooper?"

"You were with the Emperor at the time, Lord Vader," Tarkatin said. "Basically, Kamino was trying to create a Clone Army for the Rebel Alliance, so we had to take over. Unfortunately, all we had was DNA from a Spaceball named Asshole."

"How many of them do we have, anyway?"

In response, all the Stormtroopers had their right hands up and simultaneously saying "Yo!"

Darth Vader had groaned. "I knew that I was surrounded by assholes, but I didn't think they'd be on THIS ship." In defeat, he then said, "Keep firing, Asshole." When life gave lemons to a Sith Lord, the lemonade would have to wait.

Back in Konoha, Kakashi told them not to eat a full breakfast or else they'll throw up. With that, he disappeared.

"I don't know if you two were listening," Naruto said, "but I'll be heading home. Don't follow if you want to get pranked." With that, he had Shunshined back to the Uzumaki house.

Tomorrow was going to be eventful for the three, and Naruto will be the stepping stone to push them towards it, whether they liked it or not.

To be continued…

----

(A/n: Okay, Tarkitan's a cutaway character and the joke was used in Spaceballs with a minor crossover. Other than that, this was mostly filler, and yes, even Ganon and Sephy would cringe at Gai's genjutsu. I don't think even Darth Vader and Starkiller would be in sight of that.

Other than that, the names "The Slug, the Frog, and the Snake," "The Fox Prince of the Leaves," and "The Fox Among the Hounds" are based off of the Canon Naruto storyline. Sasuke's ambition from just killing Itachi had turned into killing both Naruto and Itachi while Sakura remains unaware of the peace offering Naruto gave the Fan Club. As for Naruto, let's just say that if it weren't for the scores, he would've become a Special Genin.

After Naruto told Hiruzen about Starkiller, the Old Man put Naruto as Hunter-Nin in training, because with Konoha's jutsu, they can't even begin to phatom anyone who could use it like an extended part of their body. In the Bingo Books, Starkiller was classified as avoid-at-all-costs target to those except Naruto Uzumaki, pissing of Sasuke even further. Why all the anger towards Sasuke? After joining Akatsuki, the favoritisim Kishimoto gave him turned my opinion into the Jak series' lazy leader Torn's about Jack and Daxter: "Because I…don't…like…you."

Read and Review, because I want tips. If you flame, two words: Falcon…PUNCH!)


	7. I Hate My Teammates part 2

Naruto the Smash Brother.

Chapter 7: I Hate My Teammates (part 2)! Kakashi's Bell Test! Overcoming The Urge To Kill (each other)!

----

The next day, Naruto woke up around 6:00, despite Kakashi's claims about being at the Training Ground at that time. Again, he had the couch, but only because of getting there faster.

Truth be told, his Jounin Sensei was right about not eating a FULL breakfast, so he snuck two apples for his teammates (knowing that they're by-the-book) and grabbed a donut on the way out.

"**IS THERE ANY REASON WHY YOU WOKE ME UP?**" Rao asked him.

'Not really,' he thought. 'Just that Kakashi's late…as usual. I'm taking the scenic route, by the way, so try to do something…not so perverted.' Because of the fox contract, Rao mostly used her human form to appear out of the seal. If anything, seducing the young man with teenage hormones would've worked…if it wasn't for the pyro cat and Twilight Princess stopping her in the process.

And speaking of cats, he wasn't exactly aware of a ivory white cat following his every move. After helping the Damiyo's Wife's cat escape (once again), the kitten had found who she was looking for, and the villagers didn't care because they thought it was a ghost cat representing the spirits Rao killed during the attack.

Is it possible that stupidity and bias has a thin line?

Around 7:30, Naruto had finally noticed the cat following him and smirked.

'I was wondering when she would get here,' he thought. 'I doubt that it would be possible, but since Midna-hime and Blaze-chan got here…'

"**YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T NOTICE UNTIL NOW? GEEZ, NARUTO-KUN. FOR A CUTE GUY, YOU SURE ARE CLUELESS.**"

'Not as much as I should be. Cats aren't exactly well-liked for a reason, and it involves a most-hated D-Rank.' Naruto then realized the inevitable truth. 'I'm going to be doing that mission sometime. That would be worse than trying to deliver chocolate to your roommate.'

Cringing, Naruto remembered that day well.

(Flashback)

'_Delivering chocolate is good for people's skills,' Naruto thought. 'Someone overlooked the thought process that almost every civilian in Konoha hates every fiber of my very existence. Oh well. The sacrifices one makes to become Hokage.'_

_Knocking on the room door, a jackal-like creature opened the door. It was Naruto's roommate, the Aura Pokemon, Lucario._

"_Good afternoon sir," Naruto said. "Can I interest you in some chocolate?"_

_Poor Naruto. He didn't exactly read why Samus wanted HIM to deliver LUCARIO, of all the residents of the Smash Mansion, LUCARIO, chocolate. Let's just say…he's about to get a crash course on why._

"_Chocolate?" Lucario asked him. "Did you say…chocolate?"_

"_Yes, sir. With or without nuts?"_

"_CHOCOLATE? CHOCOLATE?!?"_

_With that, the endurance training began. Naruto learned a very important lesson that day…_

_Okay, TWO lessons:_

_Never perform a perverted jutsu in front of Samus, and ALWAYS run like hell from Lucario when delivering chocolate. Both of them happen to be hazardous to your health._

(End Flashback)

'Samus has a sadistic sense of humor.'

Around 8:00, both Sasuke and Sakura were about to fall asleep while Naruto was hanging from a tree. With his feet on the branch. Upside-down.

Nodding to the cat, the feline landed on her feet on top of Sasuke, who woke up at the sight of it.

"What the hell…"

Let the bloodshed begin!

It was about thirty minutes, and Naruto was laughing his arse off. On top of the cat's yowl, it had woken up Sakura who saw Sasuke getting beaten up by a cat. A CAT, of all animals, was beating up Sasuke-kun.

Obviously, Naruto had something to do with it. When she looked for the blonde/red-haired offender, she was shocked to see that he was upside-down on a tree branch.

"What the hell, Naruto-baka!" she yelled.

"I'm sorry," Naruto said. "Felicia-chan doesn't like Sasuke that much."

Sakura was surprised. "You trained your cat to attack Sasuke?"

"That's an interesting development," someone said, surprising them. Kakashi was late, but Naruto had managed to cover for him with the attack cat. "Naruto, tell your attack cat to lay off Sasuke."

Naruto nodded as he landed down on the ground. "Okay, Felicia. He's had enough."

The white kitten then went into Naruto's arms, purring happily.

Sakura then redirected her anger to the first offense. "YOU'RE LATE!"

"Sorry," Kakashi said. "Apparently, there was a black cat crossing my path, no offense to the cat in your arms, Naruto, so I had to go the long way." Sakura was staring at him in disbelief, but was interrupted before she could call his bluff.

"By any chance did she have yellow eyes and talked when you stepped on her tail?" Naruto asked him.

Sasuke and Sakura were dumbfounded at his response, but Kakashi's was the most obvious…and unexpected.

"Yes. How did you know that?"

"Call it a hunch."

Sasuke was shivering. 'The dobe is crazy. I don't know how, but talking cats aren't normal unless summoned, so he and Kakashi are overdue for the mental hospital.'

'You cannot be serious, Naruto,' Sakura thought. 'If there was a cat like that, they would have a contract.'

"I think we broke them," Naruto said, simply.

Kakashi sighed. "If you two are done gawking at us, we can start the test." With that, both students stood to attention.

As it turns out, Kakashi had the bell test out, so if they could get the bells by 10:30, they can have a much-needed brunch. Sakura, obviously, asked why there were two bells, so Kakashi mentioned that one of them had to go back to the academy if they couldn't get them.

Naruto had sighed. 'Obviously, they won't know the true meaning to the test,' he thought. 'Then again, these are best known through trial and error.'

'Oh no,' Sakura thought. 'That means I won't be able to join Sasuke-kun.'

Sasuke looked livid. 'Bad enough one of the dobe's cats mauled me, but I get the unpleasant news that I have to go back if I don't get the bells? Unacceptable!'

Kakashi groaned. 'Naruto's the only one who figured it out,' he thought. 'Doesn't exactly mean the other two can't get a fighting chance.' "Ready…set…GO!"

That's when all three Genin (and one cat) went through the trees.

However, instead of going for the bells, Naruto actually decided to look for his teammates.

'They can't be too far,' Naruto thought. He then realized something. 'I almost forgot. **SHADOW CLONE JUTSU!**' With a small pulse of chakra, two Naruto clones appeared out of thin air. "All right, you two. I know we don't like our teammates, but we have to get them to help us out or else we don't pass. Naruto B, go find Sakura. Naruto C, I don't care what it takes, but you must get Sasuke to help us."

Both Naruto clones nodded and went into the trees.

"**ARE YOU SURE THAT WAS A GOOD IDEA? BECAUSE I KNOW YOU WOULD TRY TO IMITATE THEIR GREATEST FEARS IN ORDER TO CONVINCE THEM TO HELP OUT.**"

'Has it ever failed me before?'

"**YES!**"

'…I didn't expect THAT answer.'

With Naruto B, he had noticed Sakura looking at "Kakashi" paying his respects at the memorial stone, falling for an easy trap.

'Perfect,' Sakura thought. 'He won't see me coming.'

"Sakura," the Real Kakashi said, "behind you."

Turning around, she was in a Genjutsu where she saw Sasuke getting mauled by a thousand other cats like Felicia.

"Okay…" Kakashi said. "That was a little too easy." Since Naruto B saw it, he had kicked Kakashi in the face. "What the heck? Naruto?"

"Don't play dumb, Kakashi," Naruto said. "Hand over the bells or else I'll have to kill you."

The cyclopian ninja narrowed his eyes. 'I know I said 'come at me with the intent to kill,' but I didn't mean literally kill me…unless he knows something I don't.' "And what makes you think I'll do that?"

Naruto B narrowed his eyes. "I'm not exactly that smart on jutsu, but you're a hair's inch from that exploding tag near the ground."

'WHAT?'

With that, said exploding tag blew up near his foot…revealing "Kakashi" to be a shadow clone.

"Okay…" Naruto B said, "I honestly didn't see THAT one coming."

The explosion woke Sakura up from her genjutsu-induced nightmare.

"I'll save you, Sasuke-kun!" she yelled. What she saw was Naruto B staring at her in confusion. "Naruto, where's Sasuke-kun? Don't tell me that the cats…"

"There were no cats," Naruto B said. "I just came here because I figured out the true meaning to the test."

"What's the true meaning?"

"The true meaning is teamwork, Sakura-san. If we have to become ninja, we have to swallow our pride on our individuality and work together in order to…WAIT, I DIDN'T FINISH!"

To Naruto B's horror, Sakura had already started looking for Sasuke.

'Main Naruto's going to kill me for losing her,' he thought in horror. However, he heard a hissing noise from behind. On his butt…was an explosive note signed by the Copy Nin himself.

"KAKASHI, YOU SON OF A…"

BLAMMO!

Main Naruto felt the pain Naruto B felt.

"I am going to kill that cyclopian bastard," he said, flinching. 'I hope Naruto C had better luck than he did.'

And where was Naruto C? Well, he was facing off against Kakashi after Sasuke's body was buried with the Head-Hunter Jutsu. As he watched the fight, the Rookie of the Year was getting angrier at "Naruto" for upstarting him during the final exam.

'Why the hell did the Teme have to go gung-ho on him?' Naruto C thought. 'I almost convinced him that we had to work together by going as his homicidal older brother.' During his thoughts, however, he was grabbed and about to be slit in the throat.

"You forgot the fundamental rule of being a ninja," Kakashi said. "Never let your opponents get the upper hand."

"Funny," Naruto C said. "You should take your own advice." Without warning or even a jutsu call, Naruto C started glowing…

"WHAT THE FU--?" and the Second Naruto clone blew up in Kakashi's face, and said copy nin had blown himself up, much to Sasuke's surprise.

'How do they both know the Shadow Clone jutsu?' he asked himself. 'Better yet, where the hell did the Dobe learn it as well as the Clone Explosion jutsu?'

Naruto, who was watching nearby, had frowned at Naruto C's idea. 'It would work if Sasuke wasn't hellbent already. And I think I already tried that idea once.'

"**WHAT DID I TELL YOU, KIT? YOUR FUTURE PLANS…GO AS WELL AS THE FIRST ONE.**"

"I didn't exactly think that you would use clones against my own," a familiar voice said.

Turning around, Naruto could only say one thing when the timer went out: "Shit."

----

Luckily, he was spared the chance of being tied to the stump as both Sakura and Sasuke had no such luxury.

"Why the hell aren't you tied to the stump?" Sasuke asked him.

"Because he's the only one who gets to go back to the Academy," Kakashi replied.

Naruto was weirded out as Sasuke was smirking and Sakura was cheering.

'LOOKS LIKE HE'S GIVING US THE CHANCE TO PASS AFTER ALL!!!' Inner Sakura thought. 'TAKE THAT, NARUTO-BAKA.'

"I wasn't finished," Kakashi said, snapping the two out of their stupor. "Sasuke and Sakura, you two are to be suspended from the Ninja Program…permanently."

"WHAT!?!" both of them yelled.

"This isn't fair!" Sakura yelled. "How come Naruto-baka gets to go back while we don't?"

"Because he figured out the true meaning of the Bell Test," Kakashi said. "Although he did it indirectly, he had the right idea. Sakura, you were out looking for Sasuke in the illusion that he would help you out. Sasuke, you thought both of your teammates were inferior to you, and getting mauled by the cat means that an enemy can strike without a moment's notice, as Naruto had demonstrated earlier."

"But what was the true meaning of the test?" Sasuke asked them.

"Teamwork," a sinister voice said. Sasuke recognized that voice, while Sakura was surprised to see him.

"ITACHI!" Sasuke yelled. He then struggled to break free of the ropes.

"Let me finish before you attack," "Itachi" said. "You lack the ability to function as a good teammate. Not even I was that foolish. Other than that, you lack the ability to tell your teammate from an enemy."

'What does he mean?' Sakura thought. She then noticed something was off around Itachi. "Naruto, quit scaring Sasuke-kun!"

"I'm going to agree with Sakura on this one," Kakashi said. "Bad enough he was sucker punched by a cat, but posing as his brother is a bit heartless."

"Say what?" Sasuke asked them.

"Itachi" then poofed back into Naruto with TWO cats (the white one from earlier and the black one Kakashi mentioned) on his shoulders. "Sorry," he said, "but it was the only way I knew how to get through to him. You can never tell if your teammate is an enemy in disguise or not."

"Other than that," Kakashi said, groaning at the blond-with-red-tips' antics, "you all pass because Naruto's cats tied the bells around your waists."

With that, both genin looked to see the bells, thanks to said cats.

"When did you get the bells, dobe?" Sasuke asked them.

"Blame Yoruichi-san," Naruto said, pointing at the black cat. "When Kakashi mentioned that he had to take the long way around to get here, he wasn't bluffing. I don't know where the talking bit came from, but it was enough for Felicia-chan to swipe the bells from him."

"But what did we see?" Sakura asked Naruto.

Kakashi, taking out "the bells," dispelled the genjutsu to reveal them as acorns. "And they say you excel at recognizing Genjutsu," he said. "Naruto's happened to be THAT bad."

"It was convincing enough to actually GIVE them the bells," Naruto replied. "A good Hokage must make a choice that would either benefit or harm the village. It was either keep them and fail or give them away and pass. The Fourth did the same thing killing Kyuubi." 'No offense, Rao, but neither of them should know the truth. Not yet, anyways.'

"**NONE TAKEN, NARUTO-KUN,**" Rao said.

"Then why the hell did you pose as Itachi?" Sasuke asked him.

"Because I…don't…like…you," Naruto said, plain and simple. "We may have to work together, but I still don't like your stuck-up attitude." Sasuke had seethed under his teammate's attitude.

Kakashi groaned. "Well, I can say that Team Seven passes. We meet here at 8:00 in the morning tomorrow. And Naruto, don't be too hard on them. They're not as experienced as you are on this."

Naruto nodded while using the Kunai to free them from the ropes. "Let this be a lesson to you two: If you face a situation like this, I'm not always going to be here to save your asses. That's why you have to train hard and…leave me in the middle of a lesson again." 'Why the hell do they keep doing that?' Sasuke and Sakura had already left to do their own business.

"By the way," Kakashi said, "Those cats…they're not exactly normal, are they?"

"Nope," Naruto said, bluntly. "Then again, nothing is with me around. Felicia I met while training under Mitsurugi-sensei and Taki-chan while I trained under Yoruichi during a tournament I attended that MH called Jump Super Stars. As it turns out, she's Soul Society's female version of Konoha's Yellow Flash, aka, Dad."

"Do your current girlfriends know about this?"

"That's actually a funny story," the black cat said in a male voice. "Before we met up with Naruto-kun, we had to have a private meeting with both the Hokage and the Naruto Harem Brigade (as I called them) about recent developments."

Kakashi was wide-eyed at the explanation the cat had. "I thought you said it was female!"

"She is!" Naruto yelled. "It's just when she transforms into a human, she isn't decent! Do you want to see the look on Danzo's face when a woman is walking in the nude with ME of all PEOPLE?"

"I see your point…" 'If I can manage to get nude photos of them with Naruto, I can have a lifetime subscription to Icha Icha Paradise.'

Yoruichi and Felicia had given him a death glare for those thoughts.

"Actually, it's up to them," Naruto said. "If someone other than me sees them in their birthday suits, well…you'd feel like half a man. Trust me on this one."

Kakashi cringed. Naruto and he had one thing in common: They liked to pee standing up.

"If you'll excuse us," Yoruichi said, "we'll be heading back to the Uzumaki Household. We'll see you when we get back."

"Right," Naruto said. As both cats left, Naruto sighed. "What's worse is that Yoruichi has this obsessed fangirl/bodyguard/lesbian admirer that's out for my blood."

Kakashi looked at his student in disbelief. "How bad is it?"

Naruto cringed. "Let's just say if it wasn't for Shunshin, I wouldn't be standing here today. The weird thing is, I think she blushes when I get close to her…"

An explosion caught both the Hatake and Namikaze off-guard. From the rubble was a female with a stinger on her middle finger whom Naruto knew all too well. She had a black hakama with a white coat with the symbol for "Two" on it.

"And that would be her right now," Naruto said. "I suggest you'd get out of the line of fire." Kakashi did so. "BUT DON'T TELL THE OLD MAN!" 'God damn it.' "Hey, Soi Fong-Taicho. Long time no see."

"Yes," the captain said. "It has been a while since we crossed blades."

"If it's any consolation, I didn't hurt anyone. I just passed my Genin Exam, so can you kill me AFTER I do the same thing my Father did when he became Hokage during my OWN time as it?"

Unfortunately, he had to start running as soon as she got close to him. As it turns out, Sasuke and Sakura hadn't gone far.

"GANGWAY! MAD WOMAN! RUN FOR THE HILLS!"

"What in the world…" Sasuke said.

"NARUTO UZUMAKI, YOUR ASS IS MINE!" In a stampede of insanity, Sasuke was stepped on by the female Captain.

"SASUKE-KUN!" Sakura yelled. "Are you okay?"

'Strong,' Sasuke thought, 'fast, and wanting to kill the Dobe. I think I'm in love…'

Looks like Cupid's Arrow had hit at the wrong place at the wrong time.

'Where's Ichigo Kurosaki when you need him?' Naruto asked himself. 'Hell, I could even use the help of Zaraki and Mayuri right about now!'

No one in Konoha could miss this. The villagers were taking bets on the 'Demon Brat's' survival against a woman with an odd weapon on her middle finger. The odds may have not been in his favor, but Naruto had the Luck of the…well, Kitsune.

'Rao-chan, do something!' he thought.

"**ARE YOU STUPID OR SOMETHING? I CAN'T GO UP AGAINST A SHINIGAMI AND LIVE!**"

'DAMN IT! I'M GOING TO DIE AND END UP BEING KILLED AGAIN BY THE CRAZY-ASS CAPTAIN OF THE SECOND DIVISION!'

"GOTCHA!" the "Crazy-Ass" captain yelled, grabbing the young man by the coat and tumbling into the outskirts of Konoha.

From what it turns out, the villagers lost a ton of money towards the few Jounin and Chuunin that made bets that Naruto would survive. However, one of them actually bet that Naruto would not only survive, but have a make-out session with said assailant, and with the notebook out, it was obvious that a well-known Super Pervert made THAT bet.

'This kid's going to make me rich,' the white-haired hermit said. 'Icha Icha Paranormal: Arashi Kazama and the Supernatural Admirers is going to be a HIT in the market.'

However, the madness of Naruto's life had just begun.

To be continued…

----

(A/n: With the inclusion of Yoruichi and Soi Fong, this has officially turned into a Jump Super Stars crossover. I think I was on crack when I wrote the chase scene. And Jiraiya the Super Pervert (who edited the non-porn stories Naruto read) makes an unofficial appearance within the series.

Weird thing is, I think I made Naruto TOO cunning to be a prankster ninja. The startling thing was that I had laughed at my own chase scene. Won't Sasuke be disappointed that the woman who almost killed Naruto with the Hornet Zanpaku-to was actually trying to get in a make-out session with him…

WAIT, I CAN EXPLAIN!

Since Naruto wouldn't be in Super Smash Bros, I decided to have Master Hand run a second tournament that Naruto could test his skills in. That tournament happened to be called Jump Superstar Legends (Jump Super/Ultimate Stars), and he had met a LOT of crazy characters (more so than others), but the one he had met the two captains from happened to be from Bleach. If it wasn't for the fact that Laughter won against Power, which won against Knowledge, which won against the first element, Naruto wouldn't have gotten to the finals where he was beaten by Goku.

Some of his friends there happened to include Ichigo Kurosaki, Gintoki Sakara, Kazuki Muto, Monkey D. Luffy, the three protagonists from the YuGiOh series (Yugi/Atem, Jaden/Judai, and Yusei), Bobobo-Bo Bo-bobo, and several others (which included L from Death Note, who taught him Capoeira). He also befriended the happy-go-lucky Saiyan who beat him, but there were a few people that didn't exactly approve of this.

As for the love/hate relationship between Naruto and Soi Fong, I can only say this: How can you stand the fact that your idol slept with someone you don't even know, then for some odd reason found out you were jealous and in love with the guy? Especially when the idol wanted them to have a threesome (after the stranger left). It sounds like crack, but I have a twisted sense of humor. Oh, and he met his Parents in Soul Society in the process, so it was a win/lose situation for him.

As for the name Arashi Kazama, that was what people thought the Fourth's name was until Kishimoto revealed it to be Minato Namikaze. I just thought it seemed fitting.

So the harem has increased by three and the crossover increased by one more as well.

Harem members:

Hinata Hyuuga;

Midna;

Rao (Female Kyuubi);

Blaze the Cat;

Felicia;

Yoruichi Shihoun; and

Soi Fong.

New Poll Question:

Should Naruto continue the pranks on Sasuke?

Leave Sasuke-Kun Alone (Chris Crocker style);

Continue doing so, but only when not on a life-or-death mission;

Do so 24/7; or

Can I borrow some humor crack from you?

That last one happens to be based off a Family Guy quote. If anything, humor crack is from the crack you see in most fanfiction that deals with complete randomness like in Bobobo-Bo Bo-bobo or Fooly Cooly. In fact, that's where the Nightmare Transformation Jutsu and the Secret Tag Jutsu came from.

Until then, read and review. And I could use some critique on that last part of the chapter. It felt a bit like Sly Cooper to that last part…)


	8. Doing the Wave part 1

Naruto the Smash Brother.

Chapter 8: Madness? THIS…IS…D-RANK! The Downside of Genin Work.

----

It's said that Konoha has a hatred of insanity for D-Ranks. Well, if your village happened to have a D-Rank that involved a runaway cat, yours would have a history of insanity as well.

However, the only one who has experience with cats happened to be the Demon Brat, and Tora had found himself scratching Sasuke because he was too rough.

"DEMON CAT!" Sakura yelled. "GET OFF OF SASUKE-KUN!"

"Don't bother," Naruto said. "You'll get caught in the crossfire as well." 'Why the hell does the cat keep running away? Oh wait…because he keeps suffocating under the Damiyo's wife's assets.'

In the usual habit, Sakura didn't listen to Naruto and ended up getting scratched herself. Then Tora leaped into Naruto's arms and was about to scratch him…if it wasn't for him sedating the cat with catnip.

'Works every time…'

"Where did you get the catnip?" Sasuke asked him.

"Forget about the catnip," Kakashi said, through local codec. "Is this the target?"

"The ribbon's on the left ear," Naruto said. "It's the target alright."

"Good. Mission complete. And you two should listen to your teammate more often."

Both Sakura and Sasuke glared at Naruto.

'How can I listen to someone who pranks me every so often?' Sasuke asked himself.

'How dare he mock Sasuke-kun,' Sakura thought.

Naruto shook his head. 'Dear God, they're worse than Falco is on their cockiness. Well, Sasuke is. Sakura just needs to get her head out of his ass and take the stick with it. They're just as bad as myself.' That was no exaggeration. What he mentioned involved a sword that split him in four, a rival dark mage in wind, and the other three sides of him being full of demonic rage, brains, and no skill at all. Sad thing is, it was basically a half-arsed version of the Rin'negan.

When they got to the Hokage's office, Tora had a bit of displeasure for two reasons: One, he's getting hugged by the woman of doom; and two, the catnip wore off.

'Cats are evil,' Sasuke thought. 'The ultimate evil. Itachi and Naruto are going to have to wait. The cats must die.' It's obvious that the last Uchiha is losing his sanity.

"That would be your last D-Rank for the day," the Hokage said, noticing the look on Sasuke's face.

Kakashi noticed it, too. "Team Seven is dismissed," he said. With that, he and Naruto Shunshined out of the room to avoid the wrath of Sasuke…but not before Naruto decided to have a bit of last minute fun with him.

'This is going to be good,' Naruto thought from the top of the Hokage Tower.

What no one noticed was that Naruto had copied the effects of Gai's Sunset Genjutsu and applied it to Sasuke's shirt. Unknown to Sasuke, it had changed it from blue to pink with the Uchiha symbol replaced with the words 'I am gay for my fan boys.'

'Three…two…one…we have liftoff.'

"NARUTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sasuke yelled, being carried off by the few fanboys that were in his Genin class.

Said ninja was laughing at the antics going on. If it wasn't for the fact that he was anonymous to the ninja populace (mostly), he would've been marked for treason. The only way it would be funnier if he had screamed in protest because of the…

"RAPE! RAPE! GET AWAY FROM ME! RAAAAAAAAAAAAPE!"

With the prank of the day said and gone, he rushed back to the Uzumaki Compound. He had now found out that the Uchiha hated EVERYONE, regardless of gender, sexuality, age, species, and everything else in between.

----

Back at the house, he had noticed that there was a bit of competition going on.

"What's with everyone?" he asked the girls that lived with him.

"Nothing much," Felicia (the woman with cat-like features) said. "Just Soi Fong getting used to the concept of electronics."

Naruto sweatdropped at the Captain's antics. "Is that why Yoruichi-sensei's teaching her?"

Felicia nodded. "Oh, and you have a couple visitors, one of them being Kakashi-san."

"Damned enhanced hearing," Kakashi said, coming out of his Camoflauge Jutsu. "I wonder how you stand living with them."

X recognized Kakashi immediately. "It's been a long time, Kakashi-san," he said.

"X, right?" The reploid nodded. "Figures. Only me, Rin, Obito, Kushina, and Akito-san could only see you, so I'm assuming your Naruto's guardian for the time being."

"I prefer Bodyguard since I'm the only Reploid in activation right now. By the way, there are two people in a cardboard box delivered to Naruto-sama."

Naruto rolled his eyes at the Cardboard Box and opened it…

!

"Must you do this every time, Snake-sensei? And how did you get Samus-sensei to come with you?"

"I do it to keep you on your toes," Snake replied. "And Samus wanted to see how her adopted son was doing."

The Metroid Hunter growled at the result of the Les Enfant Terribles project. "You're one to talk, Pliskin." She then got up and bowed at Kakashi. "Nice to meet Naruto's Jounin Sensei. I am Samus Aran and the guy in the box happens to be Solid Snake, or Iriquois Pliskin as the other Nin were told. I'm assuming you used to be Inu of ANBU?"

Kakashi was surprised. "How do you know my alias?"

"Well, you're the only Jounin that had connections to the Fourth Hokage, and Master Hand informed me of your little traits." She then pulled Kakashi by the collar. "Let's get one thing straight: Although you might be an attractive guy under the mask, I'm not interested in dating, so don't make any advances on me or else I'll break your face. Got it?"

"Understood," Kakashi said, sweating profusely. 'She could pass off as another Tsunade.' "Now, I know you two happen to be of the many teachers of my student, but what skill do you specify in?"

"While Samus specifies in armed combat," Snake said, "she relies mostly on speed in order to get past the Space Pirates. As for me, I'm his Stealth and Infiltration teacher. Kind of like your Genjutsu only with more technology under my belt."

"I rely on speed without my suit," Samus said. "Other than that, I'm the one who Naruto got the idea to defeat Ganondorf."

The Masked Jounin sweatdropped. 'No wonder. She has to be a bombshell under THAT suit.'

"Other then being my senseis," Naruto said, "they were my adoptive parents, other than Fox-Sensei, Krystal-San, Link-Sensei, and Zelda-Hime."

"I can see the resemblance between you and Samus," Yoruichi said, making an observation, "but not between you and Snake."

"And you are?" Snake asked her.

"One of his girlfriends through Konoha's Clan Restoration Act."

Samus was glaring at Naruto, who sweatdropped.

'God must hate me right now,' he thought.

After a beating later, Snake had announced that they would only be here for a week until the Chuunin Exams. Let us pray that Naruto would survive that week, because the next day will mark the course of his Genin Career for the rest of his life.

----

"Good work catching that cat again," the Hokage said. "I don't exactly know how Tora got into the Hokage Tower."

Through the rest of the week, Team Seven had to walk the Inuzuka dogs, pull weeds for a farmer, help out with the Yamanaka shop alongside Team Ten, put Raid-proof areas in the Aburame household, wrangle deer in the Nara Household, become waiters for the Akimichi BBQ Resturant, and catch Tora around 50 times.

"Now your next D-Rank mission will be…"

"UNACCEPTABLE!" Sasuke yelled. Everyone had stared at him in disbelief. "I mean…I refuse to accept another D-Rank, Hokage-Sama." 'Especially when cats are involved.'

"Yeah," Sakura said. "Can't you give us something harder?"

"I'm going to have to go with Sasuke and Sakura on this one," Naruto said. "I may have gotten to know the other teams well, but I'm getting a little antsy."

Kakashi sighed. 'I knew this day would come.' "I'm going with my students' here. Besides, we did more than enough D-Ranks to get a C-Rank, so you could give us one."

"All right," Hiruzen said. "In fact, we've got a C-Rank available now. Tazuna-san, you can come in now."

An old man came into the room, sake bottle in hand and a little plastered. "These are the people who can protect me? They look unfit to be Genin! I bet the pink-haired one could run at first sight from the enemies that will get me." Sakura growled at that. "And judging from the shout, the black-haired one isn't as stable." Sasuke seethed at the old man.

"Well," Kakashi said, "I'm a Jounin, so does that count?"

"Whatever." With that, the old man had taken a swig from his bottle. "I am the Great Bridge Builder Tazuna, and I need to get back home to Wave pronto."

Naruto gave him a stern eye. 'Do my eyes deceive me or is he drinking because he's hiding something?'

"**YOU'RE NOT ALONE, NARUTO-KUN,**" Rao said. "**SOMETHING TELLS ME THAT THERE'S MORE TO THIS MISSION THAN MEETS THE EYE.**"

"You can count on us, Tazuna-san," Naruto said. "We'll get you back without a scratch."

"That's settled, then," Kakashi said. "Everyone, pack only what you need to survive and meet me at the West Gate at 12:00."

With that said, everyone left…except for Naruto, who immediately left for the gate.

Around 12:00, everyone was there on time. Even Kakashi, who had dragged a half-drunk Tazuna there from the bar.

"It's about time," Naruto said.

"What do you mean, Naruto-baka?" Sakura asked him. "Didn't you see most of Konoha in a couple weeks?"

"Yeah, but this is my first time outside the village, minus the eight years I've been gone. However, I didn't exactly see the sights of this country."

Sasuke was surprised. "Where DID you go?" 'If I can find out how you got that strong, I'll be able to kill you, the cats, and my brother.'

"Trade secret, Teme." Sasuke facefaulted at that response while Naruto was grinning like an idiot. 'I couldn't tell anyone if I wanted to. It would compromise the World Order and make Sasuke look for something in the Archives for Space Travel. I can't exactly afford to expose my intergalactic friends.'

It was mostly a silent walk, minus the history lesson of the Five Shinobi Nations from Kakashi, but when they got to the border between Fire Country and Water Country, Naruto had noticed the puddles.

'As if Snake-sensei's cardboard box wasn't obvious enough,' he thought. 'However, a Ninja's specialty is to gather information on who they're after, whether it be Kakashi-sensei or Tazuna-san. I'd drop a few explosive notes, but it would be too obvious. I'd better play dumb.'

With that, Naruto had "tripped" on a rock. That was the incentive needed for the two enemy Ninja to appear out of the puddles.

"One down," they said, "killing" Kakashi.

"Two down," they said, heading towards Naruto. However, the Chain had missed him, to their surprise.

"**LEAF WHIRLWIND LOTUS!**" Naruto yelled, using a Doppleganger to kick them both. The effect of Naruto's Level 6 Restraints and his weight had broken their backs in tandem. 'Whoops. I didn't mean to do that.'

They were amazed at Naruto's strength, but they got back to the matter at hand. "Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura yelled.

"WHAT!" he yelled, coming out of the bushes. "I was about to step in if things got too hairy, but it seems Naruto and his friend took care of it already."

"Wait," Sasuke said. "What friend? And how did you…" That's when Sasuke saw the logs. 'Forget Itachi, Naruto, and the cats. The log dies first.'

"Grudge going too far?" Naruto asked him, much to Sasuke's surprise. "That's something I'd expect from a parody about Naruto-Sama." The Naruto who said that poofed into something else…

"AHH!" Sakura yelled. "NEKOMATA!"

"Relax, would you?" Naruto asked her. "This is just a friend of mine and one of my Sensei, although the Naruto-Sama is a bit much, Mewtwo."

"I think that was the point," Mewtwo said. "If anything, I'll be checking out why those Ninja attacked you all." With that, he had floated over to the nin and read their minds. 'If only Naruto could be a bit lighter…'

Kakashi, emotionless about the situation, moved over to Tazuna and said, "We need to talk."

As they left, Sakura then asked Naruto something. "Why did he call you Naruto-sama?"

"Because I'm his Trainer," he replied to his dumbstruck teammates. "Mewtwo happens to be one out of 493 creatures called Pokemon and one of the few fighters that didn't make the Third Tournament. Because of that, when we first met, he didn't exactly think too highly of me because I was human. I was only Ten at the time and…"

"Do you think you can teach me how to capture these things?" Sasuke asked him.

'Oh, for the love of…' "IT'S TRIAL AND ERROR, DUMBASS! AND I HATE IT WHEN YOU INTERRUPT ME!"

"DON'T INSULT SASUKE-KUN, YOU IDIOT!" Sakura yelled.

"ALL THREE OF YOU, SHUT UP!" Mewtwo yelled, making his killing intent enough to engulf the area they're in. "Unconscious bodies are hard for normal people ALONE to get information out of, but it's Hell for a guy like me, so SHUT UP!"

Kakashi, returning with Tazuna, had briefed them on everything. Despite all they've been through, they made the decision to continue. Mewtwo had decided to tag along partly to guard Naruto, but mostly to keep Sasuke and Sakura in line. Pokemon are more tune to nature than humans are, even with Rao/Kyuubi sealed inside Naruto, so he can sense the insanity within Sasuke and the cluelessness within Sakura.

'Naruto had saved me from a hell I almost made,' Mewtwo thought. 'I'd be a bad partner…and equal…if I didn't return the favor.'

'Thanks, Mewtwo,' Naruto said. 'I really appreciate it.'

Truth be told, their first meeting didn't exactly go as well as it should have.

(Flashback)

'_Damn it,' Naruto thought. 'Is there a weakness to this guy?'_

_In the arena, Mewtwo had bested most of Naruto's best attacks, even with his Level 3 restraints fully off._

'_He may have been lucky against Ganondorf,' Mewtwo thought, 'but there is no way that he can stand up against someone of my caliber.'_

"_You should give up, human," he said. "Even with the restraints gone, you don't stand a chance against me."_

'_He's right,' Naruto thought. 'There's no way I can beat him. I want to help save him from his own darkness, but…wait a second. THAT'S IT! Kyuubi, I need your power!'_

"_**OF ALL THE TIMES YOU ASK FOR MY POWER,**__" she said, "__**IT HAD TO BE AGAINST A PSYCHIC TYPE POKEMON. ONLY ONE TAIL SHOULD KNOCK HIS ASS TO THE GROUND, NARUTO-KUN. DON'T MISUSE IT.**__"_

'_Thank you,' Naruto thought. "I'm about to show you why we're more alike than you think, human or otherwise."_

_Mewtwo only looked at him in surprise. 'What is he up to?' He then sensed the energy. 'This power…it can be only be matched by Darkrai's own! What are you?'_

"_**FOX WAVE!**__" Naruto yelled, sending a wave of darkness towards the Psychic Clone Pokemon._

"_**REFLEC-AGH!**__" Before Mewtwo could block it, he was engulfed by the darkness of the attack. 'He scratched me? He actually scratched me! This is getting interesting.' "Not bad, human, but you have yet to tap into its full power."_

"_That's the weird thing," Naruto said. "Every time you call me human, I try to restrain hugging you because you're my opponent. It's like you're the only one I've met that only knows me as such."_

"_What are you getting at?"_

_"During the first few years of my life, I was called a lot of things. None of them meant human, but after Snake had rescued me from my hell, I started to make a family that I wanted to protect with my life. However, if you harm a hair on their heads, I won't hesitate to kill you here!" On one hand, he had made a swirling ball of wind infused with demonic energy. "This happens to be the technique I recently mastered weeks ago."_

_Mewtwo grunted. 'I'll just have to match it,' he thought. He then created a Shadow Ball on his hand. "__**SHADOW BALL!**__"_

"_**KITSUNE RASENGAN!**__" Naruto yelled, both of them charging each other._

_Through the dust between them, only one had turned into a trophy, much to everyone's surprise._

_Getting up, Naruto then reactivated Mewtwo's trophy._

"_Why did you do that?" Mewtwo asked him._

"_Because I can see the sadness in your eyes," Naruto replied. "You and I are similar in not knowing our purpose in life. However, you drowned yourself in power while I used it in order to protect others. I'm hoping you would do the same."_

_Mewtwo looked at the blond-haired boy in surprise. Reading his mind, he could see the first four years of his life. 'How could I have been so foolish? Not even Darkrai was that cruel.' "Is there any way I can forgive them?"_

_Naruto then raised his hand towards the Pokemon Clone. "This is a start."_

_With that, the Fox Vessel and the Mew Superclone had formed an alliance, and the crowd went wild._

(End Flashback)

"Earth to Naruto," Kakashi said. "We're at the docks."

Naruto sighed and looked at Mewtwo. 'Is there anyone following us?'

'Two people and a normal rabbit,' the Psychic Pokemon replied. 'However, one of them happens to have similar properties to Articuno.'

'Probably a bloodline user. From what we saw, the two Chuunin happened to be from Kiri, so something must have happened for a Bloodline User that would be out here.'

As they stopped, there was a rustling in the bushes…and Sasuke had thrown his kunai at them, revealing a rabbit that almost crapped itself.

'I was jumpy about a rabbit?' Sasuke asked himself. He then groaned. 'Forget Itachi, Naruto, the cats, AND the log. It's dinner time!' He had an insane look on his face when he thought it.

Naruto visibly flinched at the Uchiha's lack of sanity. 'I didn't even plan that,' he thought. 'Whoever did that must be a master prankster…wait a second.' Naruto inspected the rabbit. 'This must be the rabbit you were talking about, Mewtwo.'

'No kidding,' Mewtwo thought. 'The coat's still white, and even my own would turn color when it's warm…uh oh.'

Kakashi had thought the same thing. "GET DOWN!" Kakashi, Mewtwo, and Naruto yelled. Naruto ducked while Kakashi grabbed Tazuna, Sasuke grabbed Sakura, and Mewtwo teleported out of the radius of the flying Zanbatou.

"So," a murderous voice said, "no wonder the Demon Brothers lost."

Kakashi had recognized that voice. "The demon of the bloody mist," Kakashi thought. "Momochi Zabuza…"

The reactions were instantaneous. Sakura looked like she was about to pee, Sasuke cringed under the killing intent, Tazuna paled, Kakashi growled, Mewtwo sat there while pondering, the second human presence was staring at awe at the blonde, and Naruto himself…

'Oh, please,' Naruto thought. 'Demon of the Bloody Mist? The guy's killing intent is a match to Bowser-teme's own.'

"**THE KOOPA'S?**" Kyuubi asked him. "**NO WONDER IT'S SO PUNY. HOWEVER, YOUR SENSEI HAS BEEN KNOWN AS THE LEGENDARY COPY NINJA…**"

'I hate to interrupt your private conversation with Rao-san, Naruto-Sama,' Mewtwo said, 'but you need to protect your teammates AND your sensei. Something isn't right.'

'Like what?' Naruto asked the superclone.

'Something foul is approaching from the stars.' Naruto's eyes widened. 'If we manage to live, train hard in Chakra Control. Force alone won't save your butt, even with your weapon…'

Naruto is a lucky guy though, because Starkiller's navigation system was out of date.

"God damn it," Starkiller said. "If it wasn't for the fact that this galaxy is full of Force, I would've found him by now!"

However, that would be a future matter. What matters now is whether Naruto's training with various sword masters paid off or he'll be reckless in his techniques.

Only time will tell…

To be continued…

----

(A/n: I decided to start the Wave Arc right now. Originally, I was going to make a filler arc involving something similar to the Four Swords, but…I lacked motivation. That and my brain's still fried after Finals.

Other than that, I added Mewtwo as Naruto's partner in crime. He's going to be filling in for the night shift on pranking Sasuke.

In the Smash World, Snake and Samus are Naruto's adopted parents, so it's going to be obvious that they share enemies and arch-rivals. And Zabuza's a B-Rank missing nin, which means his intent is similar to Bowser when NOT dipped in lava (minus Princess kidnapping).

In the Starkiller Bonus Arc, Wave Arc is officially off the list. However, there will be a few new polls.

Bounty Hunter after Naruto (non-Star Wars based):

Mitsurugi (from Soul Calibur);

Revolver Ocelot (from Metal Gear Solid);

Sylux (from Metroid Prime Hunters);

Sheena Fujibiyashi (from Tales of Symphonia, don't ask…); or

Baby Bonnie Hood (from Darkstalkers).

Mitsurugi and Sheena would be logical, since both of them know Naruto and would fit in the Shinobi World. Revolver Ocelot would probably arrive in a helicopter, but Sylux and B.B. Hood would probably arrive from either Outer Space or Makai and after Naruto for two different reasons (Sylux because he's trying to kill anyone connected to Samus and B.B. Hood because of Kyuubi/Rao). Believe it or not, B.B. Hood is too much of a hot-head to tell the difference between a Demon Vessel and a Darkstalker and Naruto knows Johnathan Talbain's fighting style, so she will try to kill him. As for Sheena, well…reading Two Worlds, Two Ninja by Synica can actually do that to you.

Second new poll:

Naruto's type of Kenjutsu involve both a Light Saber, a Mythic Blade, and various other swords. It's obvious that he's got either Soul Edge or Soul Calibur and a Blue Light Saber, but which style would suit him?

Twin Blade;

Buster Sword;

Gunblade (personal favorite);

Wrist Blades;

Chain Sword;

Claymore;

Zanbatou; or

Katana.

Read and review, and make sure to check out my other chapters to check up on some of the polls I made. Note that I made Zabuza and Haku have a choice in either Konoha or Uzugakure if they're both alive.

Oh, and Sheena from Tales of Symphonia:

Harem or no?)


	9. Doing the Wave part 2

Naruto the Smash Brother.

Chapter 9: Doing the Wave. Demon of the Bloody Mist. Who…or WHAT is Naruto?

----

Back to where we left off, Team Seven, Tazuna, and Mewtwo were staring at the man on the giant cleaver (Zabuza Momochi) in disbelief.

'He must have used the rabbit to apply the Replacement Technique,' Kakashi thought. 'But why a rabbit? I could have used one of my nin-ken.' "Why are you here?" he asked the fellow masked-nin.

"Isn't it obvious?" Zabuza replied. "I'm here for the bridge builder…and possibly that cat-like thing."

Mewtwo had scoffed. "Pitiful human. My allegiance is to Naruto-san alone." 'He would dare use me as a bargaining chip?'

"Stand down, Mewtwo," Naruto said. "This guy doesn't exactly know your kind."

Zabuza was surprised, yet kept his cool. He didn't expect a gaki like him to control such an untamed beast. "You think you can actually defeat me? A bunch of brats playing ninja with a powerful summon to fight in bloodshed for them?"

Kakashi growled. "Team, protect Tazuna!" he yelled. "Zabuza's mine."

"Wait a second, Kakashi," Naruto said, pulling out something. "You're ill-prepared against Zabuza."

Neither the other genin replied, yet Tazuna was dumb-struck at Naruto's attitude.

'He's able to shrug off this intent like nothing,' Tazuna said. 'I knew this kid had balls, but this is ridiculous!'

"Naruto, I doubt you can handle this guy," Kakashi said. "As much as I have faith in your abilities, you've never faced off against an actual Missing Nin before."

"I'll only jump in when you bite off more than you can chew, but I think you'll have to fight on HIS terms." Before Kakashi could respond, Naruto had tossed him a basic Ninja-to. "Make sure to return Issun-bochi without a scratch, okay?"

Kakashi was surprised. "I'll remember to do so…if I get to live." 'Even with the added armament from Naruto, I'll have to use Obito's gift. Zabuza's not known as the Demon of the Bloody Mist from hype alone.' "Other than my student having faith in me, you'll get to know why I'm known as Copy Nin Kakashi." Lifting his headband from his left eye, he had revealed the Sharingan Eye, much to Sasuke's surprise. "Savor this moment while you can, because it will be the last time you'll see it."

'How the hell does he have a Sharingan?' he asked himself. 'He's not an Uchiha…but we don't know our Sensei well enough, so he could have been spared from _his_ wrath.'

"I get to see the Sharingan already?" Zabuza asked him. "That's good, because I know its one weakness. **HIDDEN MIST JUTSU.**" With that, the whole arena was covered in a thick mist. "There are eight vulnerable parts of the human body: The brain, lungs, throat, heart, kidneys, jugular vein, larynx, and liver. Which part would you like to experience first?"

'This killing intent is unbearable,' Sasuke thought. 'It makes me want to kill myself just by BREATHING this air.' As Sasuke lined up a kunai to stab himself…

"SASUKE!" Kakashi yelled, snapping the Uchiha out of his suicidal state. "Don't give up just yet. I won't let my comrades die!"

"Are you sure about that?"

Zabuza, however, had appeared behind them, but Naruto had sliced him in two with his own Kunai, making the clone dissolve into water.

'Water clones?' Naruto asked himself. 'Of course, the masters of Silent Killing are clone users. I sometimes wonder how Grey Fox had managed to do it without Jutsu.' "Nice try," Naruto said, "but you can't kid a kidder." He then turned to Mewtwo. "Protect our flank. We're vulnerable from the rear!"

"Got it," Mewtwo said.

"Who died and made you leader?" Sasuke asked him, fear replaced with anger.

"This is not the time, Sasuke," Naruto said. "Just keep your guard up and make sure that nothing gets past you!"

'The Dobe has a point,' Sasuke thought, preparing his Kunai. 'Our mission would be a failure if we died right now.'

During the fight between Kakashi and Zabuza, the silver-haired Jounin had proven that his sword skills weren't too rusty.

"I didn't exactly expect you to be fresh with this kind of thing," the Demon Mist replied.

"For a minute there," the Copy Nin said, "neither did I." However, the minute of talking was a bit of a folly, and Kakashi was sliced in two, much to the horror of both greenhorn Genin…until he turned into water.

'He was able to copy me within the mist?' Zabuza asked him. In a moment of surprise, Kakashi had slit his throat.

"Game over, Zabuza," Kakashi said. The look of disbelief was present on everyone's faces when the former Mist Jounin had laughed.

"You're right about one thing," he replied. "The game IS over, but not for me." To their surprise, Zabuza had turned into water as well…and had knocked Kakashi into the water.

'Wait a second…' Kakashi thought. 'The water can't be THAT dense…OH NO!"

"**WATER STYLE: WATER PRISON JUTSU!**" With a flick of the wrist, Kakashi was trapped in a sphere of water. "It's only a matter of time that you'll be able to drown under the Water Prison…and then I'll go after your band of brats." With that, Zabuza had created a ton of Water Clones.

'Shit…' Kakashi thought. "TEAM, TAKE TAZUNA AND RUN!"

'He can't be THAT stupid,' Naruto thought. "No way, Kakashi-sensei! We're not leaving you behind!"

"The battle was already over once Zabuza captured me, so take the client and run!"

"And what are the chances that he'll have either a Water Clone or an accomplice tailing us?" Zabuza had flinched at that. He had seen the Water Clones first-hand…

'…but how did the blond gaki know about Haku?' he thought. Zabuza was out on a limb, so he decided to psyche them out. "You should listen to your Sensei," he said, "because you're looking at the reason why they changed the Genin Exams in Kiri."

Mewtwo glared at him. 'He's going to ramble,' he thought. 'That should give Naruto-San enough time to make a plan.'

"But we thought the Genin Exam was the same…" Sakura said.

"Konoha's Genin Exam is just a babied version of what Ninjas really experience. In Kiri, each member of the graduating class had a partner to befriend until the time of the exams where you're forced to kill your partner. Only one boy, who had no ninja skill, had graduated the final year they had that condition…BY KILLING EVERY SINGLE MEMBER OF THAT GRADUATING CLASS!"

"So the Kiri Academy Student who showed no mercy that day…was you?"

"To be a ninja means you have to spill more blood than you can imagine. These brats don't even know how it feels to have the hand of death hovering above them."

That would be true…if they didn't have a cursed life.

"Wrong, No-Brows," Naruto said, surprising him. "While Sasuke and Sakura may not have seen as much pain as I have, they're still ninja. As for me, I've experienced things you can't even begin to fathom." He then turned to Kakashi. "I said I'd step in when you got into this situation, Kakashi-sensei, and Naruto Uzumaki keeps his word!"

Before Kakashi could retort, Naruto had already disappeared towards Zabuza, who had made 20 Water Clones in order to stop him. However, when Naruto destroyed five of them, the other 15 fell under mysterious circumstances, much to the shock of everyone.

'How much has Naruto seen?' Sakura asked herself. "**Judging by how his kunai killed them, I'm guessing enough to make even Sasuke-Kun's skin crawl.**"

'I should be the one!' Sasuke thought to himself. 'How can the dobe wield this much power?'

"Because he earned it," Mewtwo said, surprising them. "Unlike you, Uchiha, Naruto-San has gained his power through his own blood, sweat, and tears. While your clan has the Sharingan, Naruto found a way to bypass it. While the Hyuga have the Byakugan, Naruto can bypass their sight and recover from it. So let me get this through you…DON'T CROSS NARUTO-SAN OR HE WON'T BE THE ONLY ONE WHO GETS TO TEAR YOUR ASS APART!"

"That doesn't answer the question on how he was able to get rid of the Water Clones so easily," Tazuna said to Mewtwo.

"That is a long story, Tazuna, and you'll see it soon enough." 'Normally, I wouldn't show so much faith in humanity, but Naruto-san had treated me like an equal and is a man of his word.' Mewtwo then smirked. 'I wonder how they will react when he grabs it…'

To confirm Mewtwo's assumption, Zabuza and Kakashi were surprised at the sword he was wielding.

Kakashi had smirked. 'You got the deception part down,' he thought. 'I didn't think you would have a sword so foreign to this world in here.'

'I figured the gaki had experience in sword play,' Zabuza thought, 'but he's making Raiga look like an amateur.' "How are you able to get rid of my battalion?"

"The good thing about being me," Naruto said, "is there are so many mes."

It wasn't the Shadow Clone Jutsu, but three clones of Naruto had jumped out of the tree and attacked Zabuza.

"**CLONE KENJUTSU: FOUR SWORDS BARRAGE!**" the four Narutos yelled.

Zabuza had fallen towards the tree behind him. "What kind of clone jutsu is THAT?" Zabuza asked him. 'It CAN'T be the Rin'negan…can it?'

The Naruto in the red jumpsuit growled. "You mistake us as an ordinary Clone Jutsu?"

"Take it easy, Red," Blue Naruto said. "He doesn't know the truth about our existence."

"You could tell him," Green Naruto said.

"And ruin the surprise? Besides, Kakashi's out of the prison and Orange activated us. I think we're stuck with them until we can find a way back in the sword."

"I don't know what happened," Kakashi said, stepping in, "but your opponent is me now."

"How is he going to defeat him?" Green asked his counterparts. "The Sharingan is useless in the mist."

"Watch and learn, noob," Original Naruto said.

"Don't call me a noob!"

"Shut up, noob!" Red Naruto yelled.

After using water jutsu vs water jutsu, Zabuza was then punctured in the neck by an unknown weapon, and a man (?) in a Kiri Hunter mask appeared.

"You were right, Kakashi-san," the masked nin said. "His future IS death."

"You're one of the Hunter Nins from Kiri, right?" Kakashi asked the newcomer.

"Yes. Zabuza's been a thorn in the Mizukage's side, and I was about to step in if you were about to get killed. However, you handled yourselves very well. Now I must turn him in to the Mizukage."

"Hang on a minute," Blue Naruto said. "That body is going to be a bit of a hassle. Why not just burn it and take the head to the Mizukage?"

In surprise, the Hunter Nin disappeared.

"Naruto-baka!" Sakura yelled. "Why did you ask that?"

Red Naruto looked at the pink-haired banshee in confusion. "And you're supposed to be the smart one?" he asked her. "Neither Orange, myself, nor the stupid noob know Ninja politics, but it seemed fishy enough that the weapon used were unorthodox."

"Red's right," Blue said. "Normally, a Hunter Nin would cut off the head and burn the body in order to confirm the kill. And the weapon used were needles, and when thrown in the right spot, it could put the target in a near-death state."

However, Kakashi had fainted after putting his headband over his left eye.

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!" Sakura and Green Naruto yelled.

"He's okay," Mewtwo said. "It's just Chakra exhaustion and shock. Nothing too major."

"Don't tell me we have to drag his ass to a safe house," Red said, groaning. "It was bad enough that we had to carry a drunken fatass who smells like garlic, and now we have to carry someone who smells like blood?"

"Red!" Naruto yelled. "He doesn't smell too much like blood." He then turned to Tazuna with a question on his mind. "Where's the nearest house?"

"Not too far," Tazuna replied. "We're actually close to my place."

Naruto nodded. "Sasuke, I know you felt dead-weight, but can you carry Kakashi?"

"Why are you asking me for help?" he asked him. "Why not one of your clones or your summon creature?"

"Because Red's as irritable as you are, Blue's trying to think of a plan, I don't trust Green well enough, and I don't think Mewtwo would appreciate it if he had to levitate someone who's unconscious."

Sakura was frightened at Naruto's attitude. 'First he brings in a summon creature,' she thought, 'then single-handedly saves Kakashi-sensei, unlocked some kind of bloodline, and is now asking Sasuke-kun for help?' "**Looks like you and I could use the sword.**" 'Yeah, I think Naruto-baka's finally…wait, what?' "**I've been silent about this for a while, but ever since Naruto showed up, we've been seeing Sasuke's attitude go into the negative.**" 'How can you say that?' "**Because we need to defend ourselves. Sasuke won't give us the time of day and Naruto hates us for following such an asshole. If this wasn't enough to change your perspective about reality, then we'll die never knowing the truth. Besides, I think the Blue Naruto's cute with glasses.**"

Sakura couldn't respond to her Inner Self's attitude…but she knew she was right. Ever since Naruto came, she's been seeing Sasuke for what he truly was: an egotistical asshole that sees his village as a stepping stone for power. The reasoning was strengthened when Sasuke had cursed at carrying Kakashi.

'You're right. Maybe I should apologize to Naruto…or all four of him.' "**And maybe get a copy of the Four Sword. If it can do that to Naruto, imagine what it will do for us.**" 'Isn't gaining bonds a bigger part of it?' "**Yes, it is. And from what we've seen, Naruto values friendship more than anyone. I'm starting to think that he CAN become Hokage.**" 'You know…I was just thinking the same thing.'

Mewtwo had smirked. 'Looks like Naruto has the same effect on everyone,' he thought. 'However, only one person does not erase the sins of thousands of others.'

To be continued…

----

(A/n: I know it's shorter than my other chapters, but I was a bit lazy…and rushed. I do know that Zabuza won't only get a rematch from Kakashi, but wants one with Naruto as well.

I'm listing the personalities of the Four Narutos as follows:

The Original Naruto (codenamed Orange) is the main one;

Red happens to be the angry, sometimes-emo, and drunk Naruto;

Blue happens to be the book-smart Naruto; and

Green happens to be the Pokemon trainer and clumsy noob.

I was inspired by Victor Fiori's Four Swords Misadventures for this development. The fat guy who smells like garlic is Wario.

Sakura is showing signs of maturity very early in this story. Possibly because I usually see her as a love-sick fool instead of the stupid bitch everyone else sees her as.

I wonder how Kakashi will react when he sees that the Four Swords did not dispel…

Other than that, read and review.)


	10. Doing the Wave part 3

Naruto the Smash Brother.

Chapter 10: Doing the Wave (part 2). Chakra Control Exercises. The Tale of a Fallen Wave.

----

When Tazuna said he could stay at his house, Naruto was expecting a run-down shack. Instead, Team Seven, the other three Narutos, and Mewtwo are greeted with the sight of a semi-neat inn.

"Father!" a woman yelled, hugging Tazuna. "You're all right! And who are they?"

"These are the ninja I've hired," Tazuna said, sadly, "and one of them has a bit of surprise since…"

"Thank you for letting us stay," Blue Naruto said, bowing.

Red Naruto had whistled at the woman. "You're his daughter? That's hard to believe, considering…"

However, Original Naruto had shut his mouth. "No perverted comments, please," he said. "Sorry about him. He's…well…"

"I get that a lot," the woman said. "My name's Tsunami. My son, Inari is around here somewhere…"

After about a minute of rest, Sakura had brought up the question that was on her mind.

"How did you get that sword?" Sakura asked him.

"It's a long and painful story," Naruto replied, "and I doubt you're going to listen."

"Still hung up about the world order thing?" Red asked him. Naruto gave his clone/counterpart a glare.

"World what?" Sasuke asked them, groaning. 'If they can tell me how the Dobe got his power…' However, a farting noise was heard, and everyone turned to Sasuke. "Pardon me, please." He had rushed to the toilet and all four Narutos had started laughing.

"That was mean," Sakura said.

"But it was funny as hell," Green Naruto said. "Sad thing is, we would've added a little something…extra."

Blue Naruto had realized that part. "Come to think of it, who put the laxative in his system in the first place?"

"Not my idea," Naruto said. 'Rao?'

"**NOT MINE,**" she replied.

Kakashi then got up. "Sounds like the laxative I put in his lunch is taking effect," he said. He then looked at the three Narutos in jumpsuits and the real one. "Don't tell me you put a drug in MY lunch."

"I may be a prankster," Naruto said, "but I'm not stupid. Well, Green might be."

"I would NOT!" Green yelled. "It's a side effect of using the Four Sword."

"The what?" everyone asked them.

Red had growled. "Nice one, noob."

"Don't call me that!"

"Since Green had pointed it out," Blue said, "I might as well explain it. The legend of the Four Sword dates back to ancient Hyrulian times. The Hero of Time had to use it to defeat the Minish Traitor, but the side-effect is that the hero is split into four separate beings with conflicting personalities. For Orange here, he's the original, Red's his anger, I'm his wise man personality, and Green is the naïve one." The aforementioned Green had growled at him. "Basically, we had to defeat a darker version of Orange WITH the Four Sword in order to succeed, and the three of us have been lying in wait. All of us have special traits that are foreign to the ninja world, other than my glasses, which are shown." He had pointed at his specs. "Green here has the ability to summon creatures like Mewtwo while Red…"

"If you mention what happened with the Cucco," Red said, "I will break your glasses."

"What's a Cucco?" Sakura and Kakashi asked them.

"You seen a chicken?" Naruto asked them. Both of them nodded. "The one we had at the time could gain the strength of Kyuubi's 3 tails AND call for help from regular Cuccos."

Red groaned. "I was hungry at the time!"

"The weird part is that it followed us around during our quest to defeat Dark Naruto and Green here had actually wanted to use it for cockfights. However, they're banned in Hyrule because Cucco are violent when harassed."

Neither Sakura nor Kakashi could actually comprehend what the intent felt like.

"An Akamichi's worst nightmare," Kakashi said, chuckling. "Chicken that can actually fight back."

"One more thing," Blue said. "If you tell them that our opponent works for the KFC, they will go berserk. Trust me on this one. We got marked as 'Cock Lovers' because of it."

"Okay…" Kakashi said, not wanting to hear THAT explanation. "Back to business. Unfortunately, Zabuza is…"

"Still alive," Sakura said, cringing. "We know. Blue Naruto had told us that Hunter Nins dispose of the body and take the head as a trophy."

"What are your orders, sensei?" Naruto asked him.

"We start training," Kakashi replied. Another round of farting noises can be heard. "…After Sasuke recovers from his bout of diarrhea."

Naruto smirked. "That was a good one."

"It only activates within a month, and it was there since the Bell Exam."

Both nin were surprised at that.

"How the hell does a laxative last that long?" Blue asked him. "That doesn't seem physically possible."

"That's exactly what I said when I fell victim to it."

"Obito, right?" Naruto asked him. Kakashi had nodded, cringing. "Wish I had met him…"

----

After persuading Kakashi to let Naruto train alone (as a relative term), he, Red, Blue, and Green were in the middle of the forest doing their individual routine.

Red, Blue, and Green may have been part of Naruto, but their chakra difference is glaringly obvious. Red had a lot of uncontrollable chakra, Blue had perfect Chakra Control, and Green…had none to begin with. That didn't mean he couldn't train his Pokemon.

"I'm STILL wondering why you have that belt, Green," Original Naruto said.

"Technically," Green said, "it was YOUR belt when you traversed the Pokemon World. Second, since you're not going to be able to use them anymore, I thought I might take them since you wouldn't let me use Clucky in cockfights."

Original Naruto rolled his eyes. "That's because it's illegal in Hyrule. Pokemon Battles are a little different. Besides, I had to send a message to Grampa Saru about my private 'summoning contract' in order to get permission to use them." Summoning Contract happens to be code-named "the Pocket Monsters Contract" in order to make sure that Mewtwo and Naruto's Pokemon team go through Konoha safely.

Red and Blue were on the trees, practicing their Chakra Control. Since Blue's was perfect, he had to rest before attempting to walk up it again. Red, however, had been marking his progress with the kunai and he had made it to the first branch.

"This Chakra Control thing is pretty hard," Red said, panting.

Blue nodded. "Well, at least it's better than having to deal with a sole clan member who just recently had the runs, as you would put it."

Original Naruto had noticed them finish. "Well, we'd better get back to Tazuna's place," he said. "Along with the note for a private summoning contract, I put down the status of this place AND the Four Sword. Something like this has to be considered a family technique. Oh, and Green couldn't join you because I taught him Taijutsu and he doesn't have any chakra like you two do."

"That makes sense," Blue said, remembering the anomoly that happened when Naruto first wielded the Four Sword. "The Four Sword was supposed to distribute Chakra evenly, but I think the seal screwed up on it giving Red too much chakra, Green enough to survive, and me too little chakra."

"**OH, BLAME EVERYTHING ON ME, BLUE NARUTO,**" Rao said, offended.

'I meant the seal itself, Rao,' Blue Naruto thought. 'Not you.'

'I'm still getting used to all this,' Green Naruto thought. 'We can all communicate with Rao and each other through thought. Could THAT be the seal's doing?'

'No, Green. It's because of the Original's dormant bloodline that we're able to do this. Besides, if we made a fifth body, it would possibly be a girl's because of the mix of the two entities.'

"Wait," Original Naruto said, suddenly. "Did you guys hear that?"

Pausing for a moment, all four Narutos could hear the rustling in the bushes. Green Naruto took out a Pokeball while Blue got the Cane of Byrna and Red the Megaton Hammer. Naruto just took out a kunai.

'Rao, you don't think it's Starkiller, do you?' Naruto thought.

"**IF IT WAS, HE WOULD'VE GONE TO THE INN FIRST,**" she replied. "**IT COULD EITHER BE A BIJU OR A HUMAN…OR A BOUNTY HUNTER FROM ANOTHER WORLD.**"

Before anyone else could arrive, a blur of lavender had sped across them and Naruto's kunai had blocked…a card?

"**PYRE SEAL!**" the woman yelled, using a certain card on him.

"Not today!" Original Naruto yelled while forming a mess of hand seals. "**BUBBLE BOMB JUTSU!**" Turning into a ball, he then splashed the would-be assailant with a bomb made out of water revealing the assailant's…assets?!? Red Naruto passed out through a nosebleed, much to the mortification of his other two clones.

"Shouldn't we help them out?" Green asked Blue, concerned for the original's well-being.

"I'm more concerned about Red here," he replied. "Besides, Naruto's got it under control, if anything."

True to Blue's word, the fight had temporarily stopped and they stood against each other in silent agreement.

"You've gotten better," the woman said.

Naruto smirked. "Same on my end," he replied. "How's life been treating you, Sheena?"

"Other than the fact that we had a bit of an internal issue after the worlds joined, it's been better. Although I'm surprised Emil survived and forgave Lloyd after the attempts to kill him…"

Naruto remembered Emil. Sounded strikingly like Ichigo, but he was a little insane after listening to that Kratos knock-off, Ratotsk, a lot. "Well, that's what you get for listening to a seed of Chaos. Which reminds me, how did you get here? This world's summoning requirements are VERY different from Symphonia's."

"Blame Origin and Maxwell. They helped me get here, but I was stranded without any currency to go on. I had taken a job as bounty hunter to kill a resident demon, but when I found out they were referring to you…well, let's just say that I'm declining their offer."

"Who paid you to kill me?"

Sheena grimaced. "I don't remember the name, but it was a man with silver hair and glasses that worked as a medic-nin."

Naruto groaned. "Well, I can't blame you for going to the wrong place, Sheena-chan," he said, "but we MIGHT want to explain this to Kakashi-Sensei and Grampa Saru, considering they actually care about me."

"Thanks, Naruto-kun," she said. She then noticed the three clones. "Oh, who are these three?"

Before Naruto could explain, Blue Naruto did it for him. "Sorry for the interruption, Sheena-san, but I'm Blue Naruto, the kid with the green jumpsuit is Green Naruto, and the one passed out is Red Naruto. Call us Blue, Green, and Red to avoid confusion with our original."

Green Naruto was surprised at the newcomer's weapon. "Since when did Duel Monsters become weapons?" he asked him. Yeah, in place of Chakra, Green had the ability to summon Duel Monsters with the Shadow Magic gained from Kyuubi.

"Duel what now?" Sheena asked him.

"Never mind…"

Naruto chuckled. "Green's the Monster Trainer and summoner of us four," he explained. "Right now, he's got my old team and the deck Yugi helped me build as well as the ability to bring them to life. He knows you're a summoner, but his methods…are a little different."

"Weren't we going to go back to the Old Man's place?" Blue Naruto asked him.

"Red's still unconscious," Original Naruto said, matter-of-factly, "and I'm not carrying his ass back."

Blue Naruto gave him a wry look. "He's technically you to begin with."

"How about I carry him?" Green asked.

Before Blue could protest, Naruto then said, "Go ahead Green. Consider it weight training because he has the hammer out."

Green nodded and lifted Red up while heading back to the inn, much to everyone's surprise.

"Didn't think he was THAT strong," Blue muttered.

"**THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE DORMANT INSIDE THE KIT,**" Rao said to Blue. "**HIS PHYSICAL STRENGTH HAD DOUBLED.**"

Original Naruto and Sheena sweatdropped. "Now I'm starting to wonder which of you is sane," she said.

"If anyone found out about this, ideas will pop up," he replied. "And believe me, I know a few who will."

----

Back at Tazuna's, Sasuke was GLARING at Naruto...well, all four of the Narutos, really.

'Why is he blaming me for the prank?' the original thought. 'I'm not the one who came up with it.'

"**BECAUSE YOU DO THIS ON A DAILY BASIS, KIT,**" Rao said to him.

"How's your bowels, duck butt?" Red asked after waking up.

Sasuke glared at Red Naruto. "If we weren't teammates, I'd kill you all," he said. Not even HE could believe Naruto could be in four places at once. 'Is this some kind of bloodline the Dobe has?'

Kakashi, however, was conversing with Sheena in private.

"So, someone from Konoha hired you to kill Naruto?" he asked her, perverseness aside.

"He said something about killing the resident demon," she replied, "but I didn't know he was talking about Naruto in particular. Other than that, I'm just here to make sure nothing happens to him. I can only assume you're his teacher?"

Kakashi sighed. "I wish, but the Council wants me to teach Sasuke. Sure, I'd love to teach Naruto some of my techniques and those I've copied from enemy nins, but he's good if he can split into four different people AND give me his ninja-to to face Zabuza. Scratch that, he's even better than I am. He just uses a mask to hide his true skills from everyone."

Sheena nodded. "Yeah, I know someone else like that. He just shows it through a mask of royal pride instead of cheerfulness." When Naruto met Zelos, it turned out that they had a lot in common, only they hid it in different emotions.

When dinner came, everyone watched as Red and Sasuke battled it out through an eating competition.

'That's disgusting,' Sakura thought. "**Even WITH that Sword, I doubt I could be like that pig.**"

Blue, however, was surprised. 'How can they even go this long without breathing?' he asked himself. 'This defies the laws of physics.'

Naruto just sighed. 'And we're supposed to be guests,' he thought. 'At least Sasuke's bowels are back to normal. That way, he can catch up on missed training.'

"What's the deal with this guy?" Sheena asked Mewtwo, referring to Sasuke.

"Short version of the story," Mewtwo said, "Naruto-san had wounded Sasuke's pride during the Taijutsu contest and is now trying to find out his secrets. He's also losing his grip on sanity...or the mask itself, anyways."

"Right. Emir acted the same way to Lloyd."

Green Naruto, however, asked the stupid question. "What happened to the picture?" he asked everyone.

Everything came down to a screeching halt. Because of that, Tazuna had explained why Wave is in a currently morbid state. Apparently, Gato had executed Kaiza to show what happened when his word is defied. The Original Naruto had gone out with a look of anger on his face.

"Shouldn't we stop him?" Sakura asked Kakashi.

"He'll be fine," Red Naruto answered. "He just needs some air, considering the gloomy atmosphere is too much to take."

"I'll have to agree with Red Naruto on this one," Kakashi said. "Naruto can take care of himself."

Sheena took a good look at Sakura's face. On the way back, Naruto had explained that she was Sasuke's fangirl, but the look on her face was basically concern for the blond.

'I think she realized that Sasuke's going crazy,' she thought. 'I wonder...' "Kakashi-san, is it okay if I borrow Haruno-San for a bit?"

Kakashi gave the young woman of Mizuho a wry look. "What for, Fujibiyashi-san?"

"We're just going to talk for a bit. That's all."

Sakura flinched. 'If she's one of Naruto's girls, then why does she want to talk to me?' she asked herself. "**We already stopped bugging Naruto, so I haven't the faintest clue.**" 'Doesn't stop the other girls, though.' "**That, I can agree with you on.**"

No one else saw Red Naruto go for Tazuna's liquor cabinet.

----

Naruto had finished training in the forest, and now he was out of breath. 'You were right, Rao-chan,' Naruto thought. 'Destruction IS good for therapy.'

"**YEAH, BUT YOU'VE BASICALLY DRAINED YOURSELF CLEAN THERE,**" the Nine-Tailed Vixen replied. "**DIDN'T YOU BRING ANYTHING THAT CAN REPLENISH YOUR CHAKRA?**"

'Rao, you know me. I keep a pack of Senzu beans in my scroll.'

"**THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THAT AND A SOLDIER PILL IS THAT IT'S RARE HERE, AND YOU'VE ONLY GOT ENOUGH TO LAST YOUR WHOLE TEAM FOR A MONTH, COUNTING THE OTHER FORMS OF YOU.**"

Naruto couldn't argue with her there. He had just fainted.

"**KIT, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SLEEPING ON THE BATTLEFIELD!?! KIT! KIIIIIIIIT!!!**"

Haku had watched from afar. 'Isn't that the boy Zabuza told me he wanted to face?' she thought (A/n: Yes, she. I don't plan on putting her with Naruto, though. TOO overused, like NaruHina.). 'I might as well wake him up.' Approaching the sleeping Konoha Nin, she then said, "You shouldn't sleep outside in this condition. You'll catch a cold."

"And you should try not to wake a sleeping ninja," he retorted, kunai in his hand. "Then again, if you were an enemy, I wouldn't hesitate." He then got up to see the woman shocked. "Yes, I know you're the Hunter Nin that helped Zabuza, but no, I'm not here to kill you."

'If he knows I'm the Hunter Nin,' she thought, 'why is he not striking?' "Then why are you hesitating?"

"Because Zabuza's boss is not one to be trusted. I know someone like that whose greed knew no bounds, yet he hasn't killed anyone. He DID have a fart that could level a whole forest, though..." 'I couldn't eat garlic for a whole month because of it.' "Other than that, you and I have a lot in common."

"Did your mother die by your father's hands because of a hated bloodline?"

"My mother was killed by my worst enemy and my father died in the Kyuubi attack. I'm just hated because I was considered the fox in their eyes."

Haku sighed. "Then, do you have any precious people out of the many that do?"

"That, I have. Basically my family, friends, admirers, and God. Locally, my old Chuunin-Sensei, the Hokage, and my current Jounin-Sensei as well as a few friends back at the village." 'And a Nine-Tailed Vixen living in the pit of my stomach, but I can't tell anyone yet.' "Yours happens to be Zabuza, if that's what you're referring to." He then took out a bag from his Scroll and gave her a bean. "Give this to Zabuza. This thing can heal all wounds, restore energy, and can make you full for a week. If you want, split it in two so you can feel the same way."

"But why help me?"

"A friend of mine once said that one act of kindness can change the outcome of a whole future. With this in mind, I might be able to prevent something bad from happening, regardless of anything that's going on."

'You are a strange one.'

"Oh, right," Naruto said. "My name's Naruto Uzumaki. Sorry about forgetting about that."

Haku giggled. "My name's Haku." She then bowed. "Thank you for your kindness, Uzumaki-san."

"Tell Zabuza that I might expect a rematch, Haku-san," he replied as she left. "And I've seen princesses that make more convincing boys than you!" He then went back to Tazuna's Inn with her in surprise.

'How did he know I was a girl?' she thought.

Naruto, however, had a different thought in his mind. 'Rao, sorry for keeping you waiting, but is it unnatural that I could sense her ice blood?'

"**ABOUT AS UNNATURAL AS HAVING THE SHARINGAN OR THE BYAKUGAN, KIT,**" she replied, fuming. "**SHE'S GOT AN ADVANCED AFFINITY FUSION WITH WATER AND WIND, FORMING INTO THE ICE BLOODLINE...HOLY CRAP, KIT! SHE'S YOUR COUSIN!!!**"

'No wonder I wasn't attracted to her.' His eyes then turned red with fury. 'Gato, you just made a dangerous enemy, and his name is Senju.'

----

After Naruto got back from training, dinner was a bit...tense. Inari told his sob story, then made the mistake of saying he had a rotten life, and the Original Naruto snapped at him and went to his room.

It wasn't until the next morning that almost everyone was gone...almost.

"LEAVE MY MOTHER ALONE!" he heard Inari yell.

'Oh God,' Naruto thought. 'I OVERSLEPT!'

"**GOOD THING, TOO,**" Rao said, "**BECAUSE GATO MUST HAVE SENT TWO OF HIS SAMURAI IN ORDER TO KIDNAP TSUNAMI.**"

Naruto growled in anger. 'And the others?'

"**I DON'T KNOW, BUT THE OTHER THREE DISAPPEARED BACK INTO THE FOUR SWORD AND NOW THEY'RE DEFENSELESS!**"

'Great. Fine time for them to leave.' He then raced downstars and used the Replacement technique on Inari, distracting the two "swordsmen."

"What the hell?" one of them yelled. "We just got logged!"

"Not just logged," Naruto said, behind them. "You guys are taking a one-way trip to hell! **DOUBLE SPIRAL!**" Both of Naruto's fists had punched them in their vital areas, making them dead before they hit the water. "You okay, Inari?"

"Naruto?" he asked him. "But why..."

"I overslept, plain and simple. Besides, be glad I saved you and your mother." He then realized something. "Is everyone else at the bridge?" Inari nodded in confirmation. "Right. I'll see you when I get back!" He then made a beeline to the bridge in construction. 'I hope I'm not too late...hang on, everyone.'

However, an explosion had stopped him in his tracks.

"WHAT THE!?!" 'Deidara's here ALREADY!?!'

"**THAT AKATSUKI MEMBER DOESN'T USE SHRAPNEL IN HIS BOMBS, KIT!**" Kyuubi yelled. "**IN FACT, NO ONE USES SHRAPNEL IN THIS WORLD!**"

'Shrapnel? But that can only mean...' He then gasped in fear. "Oh shit."

From the dust clouds, a woman in a red hood had appeared with a glimmering blaster. Although you couldn't see her face, she had a maniacal grin.

"Hello, Kyuubi," she said.

'This is not turning out as planned,' Naruto thought.

To be continued...

----

(A/n: Oh crap on a stick. B.B. Hood has made her appearance, and she's gunning for Naruto.

Well, I got a lot of reviews supporting the Sheena inclusion, and I think Naruto should have a few Symphonia summons in his arsenal. I think Aska and Luna are a given, but who else should I let Naruto use?

Undine;

Volt;

Gnome;

Efreet;

Celscius;

Silphy;

Shadow;

Maxwell;

Origin; and

Verius (a nine-tailed Corrine).

I'm gunning for Undine and Celsius myself, but it wouldn't hurt for him to use an unexpected someone.

Now, since Namco became Namco/Bandai, I'm thinking of putting Digimon in the crossover, but it will be Green Naruto/Original Naruto calling the shots. Can't exactly give him an UlForceVeedramon considering that one of my characters (coughSIscough) has it, so I'm going with a (regrettably) obvious choice (I'm pretty sure SOME of you know who I'm talking about. If not...ask someone who does). No, the Digidestined, Tamers, Legendary Warriors, and Savers aren't appearing until the Chuunin Exam. Orochimaru has a LOT of free time researching these things...

As for how the Bounty Hunter who looks like an innocent Red Riding Hood, she's not the ONLY Darkstalker that appeared here (other than Felicia). There's going to be a bit of a backstory behind THIS one, and Naruto knows his version of the Dragon Cannon because of him. However, a certain heiress has an interest in him as well...

Yeah, I used the 'Haku is your Cousin' bit in Rise of the Malestrom, but there's a number of fics that make Naruto gain the Senju bloodline and I thought the ice manipulation was spawned from the same one, so can you blame me?

And the Duel Monsters thing...oh, boy, how do I explain this? Remember the Jump Super Stars thing he mentioned to Kakashi? Well, the duelists competing and visiting taught him how to duel, but it's actually based off of my unposted fic, Naru-Gi-Oh. Suffice to say, the crossover has now extended through the Takahashi clan, but only through Ranma 1/2 and Inuyasha.

Oh, before I forget, Clucky was originally named Cojiro, but I renamed him because I didn't want to rip off Legend of Zelda TOO much. To add another nudge to the Abridged Series, I renamed it from Naruto's pet chicken. This explains why he was able to beat Orochimaru, doesn't it?

Next chapter, the Wave Arc will end, but not exactly like what you would expect in a normal fanfic. Then again, this writer isn't normal either. Read and Review, everyone.)

Harem count:

Midna;

Hinata;

Blaze the Cat;

Rao/Kyuubi;

Felicia;

Yoruichi;

Soi Fong; and

Sheena (Tales of Symphonia).

Decisions made:

Haku is female, but not in the harem.

They will live, but their destination is unknown.

----

Omake 1: Red Naruto's Fear (heavily based off of Four Swords Misadventures).

--

'Damn,' Original Naruto thought. 'I nearly wanted to rip that kid's throat out!'

"**WELL, HE HAD NO IDEA THAT YOU LIVED A ROUGHER LIFE THAN HE DID, NARUTO-KUN,**" Rao said. "**NOW, GET SOME SLEEP. YOU MIGHT NEED IT BECAUSE OF THE EXTRA TRAINING YOU DID.**"

'Way ahead of you,' he thought. He then opened the door to meet...

"DIE, YOU CUCCO BASTARD!" someone yelled, hitting Naruto in the head with a mallet...or a Megaton Hammer. "Wait a minute...cuccos aren't blond..."

"Nice going, Red," Blue Naruto said, growing. "You nearly killed the Original."

"How was I supposed to know he'd be in here? It's not like Super Cuccos appear next door..."

Unknown to everyone, the Super Cucco known as Clucky was lying in wait until the Four Naruto's came out.

End Omake.


	11. Doing the Wave final

Naruto the Smash Brother.

Chapter 11: Doing the Wave (final part)! Naruto vs Bulletta! Battle on the Bridge!

----

(Codec Transmission)

Colonel: Naruto, you look pale. What's going on?

Naruto: I'm staring in the face of death, and she has a red hood with a BFG.

Colonel: Oh, I can only assume that's Bulletta you're facing then?

Naruto: Unfortunately. And I need to get to the bridge before...Oh crap. Missile.

Explosion.

Colonel: Naruto, do you copy?

(mostly static)

Colonel: Naruto!?! NARUTOOOO!

Naruto: I'm fine! What the hell am I supposed to do against her?

Colonel: Stall for time in order to get something. None of our operatives can get to your location right now, so you're on your own.

Naruto: Great.

(End Transmission)

Yeah, Naruto's been using the trees as cover from the gun-toting huntress.

"Come on out, Kyuubi!" she yelled. "I know you survived that blast!"

'Do I LOOK like a two-ton fox to her?!?' he thought. 'She's as biased as the villagers, except with guns and could possibly kill innocent people.'

"**WELL, SHE IS PISSED AT YOU FOR THE INCIDENT WITH TALBAIN.**" Rao said, matter-of-factually.

'Now's not the time to go to memory lane. Right now, I need to get to the bridge without it being destroyed by missiles!'

"**WHY NOT USE AN ASSIST TROPHY?**"

Naruto blinked. 'There's no Assist Trophy that could withstand heavy fire...except maybe Resetti, but he's useless, anyways.'

"**THEN YOU'RE SCREWED, KIT. UNLESS GOD WANTS YOU TO LIVE, SHE'S GOING TO GET THE SHRAPNEL TO PIERCE YOUR HEART AND WE'LL BOTH DIE WHILE YOUR HEAD IS A TROPHY MOUNT.**"

'Oh, THAT'S refreshing!' A missile blast had blown up near him, sending shards of bark flying. 'I'll talk to you later. Right now, I've got a bridge to save.'

Naruto had ran through the forest eluding the missiles that came this way.

'If only God had a merciful bone in his body, he'd save my ass right now!'

"I'm not going to let you get away THAT easily," Bulletta yelled, scouter on her head.

However, there was a Cucco following the two, and it hit her in the head.

"What the hell was that?" she asked herself.

"What the hell was that?" Naruto asked himself, panting.

"**LOOKS LIKE A CHICKEN HIT HER IN THE HEAD...HARD,**" Rao said.

'Chicken...no. It's a Cucco!'

Sure enough, it was Clucky, the Cucco that followed the four Narutos.

'This ought to be good.' "Oh, Clucky..." Naruto said in the singing voice. "THIS WOMAN WORKS FOR THE KFC!"

Bulletta sweatdropped. "What kind of tactic was that!?!" she yelled. "You must be suicidal in order to rely on a CHICKEN for help!"

Suicidal move there, Ms. Hood. With a cock-a-doodle-doo, Clucky had turned Super Saiyan...er, Cucco. Whatever.

'Didn't see THAT coming,' she thought. She then noticed her scouter was beeping rapidly. 'Oh no...this chicken is giving off neutral energy to a demonic level! This must be some kind of Cocktrice! Must...not...look...in...wait. Where's the fox brat?!?'

Yup, Naruto had disappeared.

Nearby, two men in black cloaks with red clouds noticed the pulse and stared at this scene with mild curiosity.

"Deidara," the plant-man said. "What's your scouter say about that chicken's power level?"

Deidara was furious. "It's over 9000!!!" he yelled, breaking the scouter.

"WHAT, 9000!?! That's IMPOSSIBLE! Not even the Leader can go that high!"

(A/n: Let's move on before another meme grows out of control, shall we?)

----

In the battlefield, Kakashi was facing off against Zabuza while Sasuke was up against Haku. Sakura, Sheena, and Mewtwo were guarding Tazuna.

Kakashi and Zabuza felt the power spike. They were immersed in their fight to notice the explosions, but the power spike made them think the worst.

'Is that Rao's power?' Kakashi thought. 'No, it's too pure. Something must be up, and Naruto's the cause of it.'

Zabuza was thinking along the same lines as well. 'Whatever it is, it's got ME shaking in my boots.' "Let's finish this right now, Kakashi!"

"For once, I agree with you."

Mewtwo felt the disturbance. 'That HAS to be Clucky,' he thought. 'Bulletta must be in town.'

Sasuke, however, had just activated his Sharingan. 'How can this guy move faster than me?' he thought. 'Is it because of the Ice Mirrors?'

"Give it up, Uchiha," Haku said. "My Ice Mirrors are stronger than your Fire Jutsu."

"Try this on for size then!" a loud voice yelled. "**EXPLODING FOX BLAST!**" Through a burst of fire, Naruto had broken one of the Ice Mirrors and flipped into the dome. "Sorry I'm late, Sasuke, but an acquaintance of mine showed up and she's hormonal."

'Hormonal?' Sasuke thought. "Dobe, Kakashi can make better excuses than that."

"That was the filtered version, Teme!" That took both fighters by surprise. Naruto noticed Haku in the Ice Mirror. "I'm starting to wish I had a camera. You look like a human pincushion."

"Keep your eyes focused on the battle! She's faster than I am!"

'I am,' Naruto thought. 'I just need to make sure Gato gets here before Bulletta does.' "I will. Just ask me this: Where were you when the two wannabe swordsmen tried to kidnap Tsunami?"

That took Haku by surprise. "Gato sent the two idiots to the Bridge Builder's place!?!" she asked him.

"Yeah, and they were about to do their worst."

Zabuza noticed that too. 'That dirty son of a...' "With this development at hand, we are no longer enemies, Kakashi."

'Huh?' Kakashi thought. He then noticed Naruto explaining what happened. 'Oh, Naruto was back at Tazuna's, but...' "Why not?"

"If Gato sent two of his men to kidnap the daughter, then he wouldn't exactly pay me after this fight."

That's when the man himself had brought a bunch of mercenaries onto the bridge. "How deductive, Zabuza," he said. "Unfortunately, that was the plan all along, although I didn't think about the loose wheels that you would encounter."

"So you're Gato?" Sheena asked him. "I was expecting someone...bigger."

Gato frowned. "WATCH, YOUR TONGUE, BITCH!" he yelled. "Once we're done here, I'm putting you with the rest of the women I keep."

Naruto growled. "Wouldn't make any difference. Big or small, all I see is a midget with a gun hiding behind a bunch of mercenaries because he can't fight for himself. That, and I will kill you if you lay a finger on anyone here."

"And who are you to stop me, brat? All I see are three Genin, two Jounin, a woman who uses cards for weapons, and two FREAKS that wouldn't be of use to me anyways."

'Keep your cool, Naruto,' Mewtwo thought. 'This guy's only trying to piss you off.'

'And it's working,' Naruto thought. 'How long do you think I can psyche him out?'

'Give it a couple minutes.'

Naruto smirked. 'I only need one.' "And I have an escaped bioweapon, a girl whose summons that can piss your pants, a chicken that will kill you once I tell him you work for KFC, AND a hunter with a red hood and a missile launcher that's out for my blood. So I really, really, REALLY think you back off from this island or else you'll get caught in the crossfire."

Everyone was silent. Even Gato was surprised at Naruto's attempt to fudge that quote.

"Uh," Sasuke said, "what was that part about the female hunter wanting to kill you, Dobe?" Everyone face-faulted at that.

'Oh, dear Lord,' Naruto thought. 'Sasuke's thinking of committing suicide.' "She'll kill you as well as me, considering that your eyes aren't accepted EVERYWHERE, Teme."

"You're bluffing," Gato said.

"Am I? Then who's that behind you?" 'Wait...aw, crap!'

Sure enough, Bulletta was battered and bruised, but she still had a weapon on her. "Die, you demon bastards," she said.

'How many lives DOES this woman have?!?' Naruto yelled.

'That's the girl the DOBE was afraid of?' Sasuke thought. 'Her aura...does seem unnatural.'

'A girl with a magnum!?!' Gato thought. 'Impossible!!!' "Who are you?"

"The name..." she said, dropping the magnum and changing into a male, "is Axl."

That, Naruto was relieved at. 'Good, he's a reploid. X is going to be surprised.'

"**KIT, NOW WHILE THEY'RE DISTRACTED!**" Rao yelled.

'Got it.' "Mewtwo, Protect!"

"Understood," Mewtwo said, making a barrier to protect the team.

'Damn it!' Gato yelled. "MEN, GET THEM!"

"Oh no, you don't!" Zabuza yelled, rushing through the crowd. "You're mine, Gato!"

Naruto rushed underneath the now-dissolved mirrors and joined Zabuza. "Wait for me, No-Brows!" he yelled. "I've got a score to settle with this guy!"

"How do you have a grudge against Gato, gaki?"

"Because your apprentice happens to be my cousin, and he was planning to do the unspeakable with her and Sheena."

Zabuza understood. "Take him out, gaki!"

"I'll cover you both," Axl said, guns at the ready.

"Don't think of leaving me behind," Kakashi said, using Shunshin.

"Haku," Sheena said, motioning to the ice maiden, "I have an idea on how to give these guys a cold reception."

Haku was surprised at that. "You can use Ice Attacks as well?" she asked.

"More like I know someone who does."

While the two women are ready for a joint attack, the other four were kicking ass and taking names.

Gato feared for his life. 'These ninja...they can't be for real! I'll kill them all!' However, he was stopped by a stab in the heart...by Naruto's blade.

"Dine in hell...you fat bastard," Naruto said. He then threw the body off the bridge.

Axl groaned. "There goes my hit," he said. He then realized something. 'That kid...he has Minato's eyes...' "Hey, kid!" Naruto turned around. "You look kind of familiar. Have we met before?"

"No, but X is waiting back at Konoha," he replied, taking out a nearby mercenary. "I just happen to be related to your guys' last keeper."

"Not surprising. You two DO look alike." The reploid then hit another mercenary in the head.

No, the four didn't start it. Apparently, an idiot declared that since Gato was dead, they were free to raid the village.

However, things were getting colder as Haku and Sheena put the finishing touches on their Combo.

"**COMBO ATTACK!**" both girls yelled. "**CELSIUS'S HOUSE OF MIRRORS!**"

The mercenaries were in surprise when they were trapped inside an ice house with their reflections involved. The four within the battle had bolted after they heard the voice, and Naruto recognized the summon immediately.

"That's one unusual summon," Kakashi said, taking note of the feminine form of the ice maiden.

"That would be Celsius," Naruto said. "She happens to be a summon native to Symphonia, so it would explain the increased chill factor."

"She's an ICE summon?" Zabuza asked him. Naruto nodded. "Oh, boy. Looks like Gama Sennin wouldn't try to touch her."

"Agreed," Kakashi said. "If she had attacked Konoha, Gamabunta would've went back to his realm instantly. Frogs ARE cold-blooded, after all."

Naruto frowned. "I know what you're thinking, Kakashi-sensei, and no, she doesn't have a contract like the summons here do. The only way you can remotely get something like that is if you have a lasting bond with the pact-holder."

The mirror house had disappeared, showing the other mercenaries' frozen bodies. It was sickening, but these men pushed their luck by moving in the house itself.

"Looks like my work here is done," Celsius said, disgusted with the scene before her. "It's nice to see you again, Naruto, even though we haven't spent time in battle together." With that, she had disappeared in a flash of dark blue light.

'Once again,' Kakashi said, 'I'm proud to be your teacher, Naruto.'

'The gaki managed to woo a female summon,' Zabuza thought. 'Is he some kind of walking aphrodisiac? Then again, he DID say he was Haku's cousin, so he must lean towards the ice element a bit.'

'That was odd,' Naruto said. 'Isn't she supposed to be the Ice Queen of the summons?'

"**SOMETIMES THE ELEMENT DOESN'T MEAN PERSONALITY, NARUTO-KUN,**" Rao added. "**BESIDES, EVEN IF SHE DID HAVE INTEREST IN YOU, IT WOULDN'T BE PHYSICAL.**"

Naruto sweatdropped, then paled. 'Oh crap,' he thought.

"What's wrong?" Axl asked him.

"I forgot about Bulletta," he said.

"Who's Bulletta?" Sheena asked, dangerously.

"From the way he spoke about her," Mewtwo said, "it's not an ex-girlfriend."

"More like a psychopathic bitch I met during my training trip," he said, "and she'll take any job that involves bloodlines, Summons, and the Tailed Beasts with no discrimination whatsoever. Heck, with what she has in her picnic basket, she could eradicate all the countries' Blood Clans in a single blow."

"Sounds like someone that would help the Mizukage," Zabuza said. "And that's a WOMAN?!?" Haku, Sakura, and Sheena glared at him for that. "I didn't mean to offend anyone!"

"Well, not all of them are as murderous as she is," Naruto said. He then noticed the Super Cucco fluttering in, right beside Naruto. "And this is the guy that took her out."

"Oh, THIS was the Super Cucco your other self was talking about?" Kakashi asked him. Naruto nodded. "Better warn the Akimichi clan that this chicken's not for eating."

'Understatement of the century,' Mewtwo thought. 'Then again, Naruto DID have the habit of befriending the weirdest people.'

----

"You're not coming with us?" Naruto asked Haku. It had been a week since the Battle on the Bridge. Haku and Naruto had spent some time together as family, the pleasure slaves in his old HQ were freed, and everyone had celebrated the liberation of Wave. Now, Haku and Naruto were exchanging goodbyes.

"As surprising as that is," Haku said, "Zabuza and I are considered traitors to the Mizukage. However, he DID have a safehouse with another Kage, just...it's not Konoha."

Naruto nodded. "Alright, but keep in touch. I don't want my cousin to fall prey to another Bloodline War."

"I will, Naruto. Just make sure you keep your friends to heart." With that, he joined Zabuza on a boat that led to parts unknown.

After saying their goodbyes to Wave, Team Seven (plus a summoner, a Pokemon, a Reploid, and a chicken) had made their way to Konoha.

'I don't know how,' Sasuke thought, 'but I will find a way to surpass you, Dobe. Even if it means I have to break a few laws to do it.'

Sakura sighed. 'And I never got to ask him to train me,' she thought. "**Well, there's always next time.**"

Naruto groaned. 'How am I supposed to explain to Grampa Saru about THIS situation?' he asked Rao.

"**THIS IS THE HOKAGE YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT,**" she replied. "**AND I'M PRETTY SURE THAT THEY WILL BE REASONABLE ABOUT THIS. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU'RE BRINGING THE GUN-TOTING BITCH HOME.**"

'I hear you there. Just what did Clucky DO to her, anyways?'

Back in the forest, Bulletta was sprawled on the ground, battered and bruised.

'I'll get you next time, Kyuubi,' she thought. 'And your little chicken, too.'

"You do realize your dress is ripped, yeah," Deidara said, bruised as well. The response...

"BOOT TO DA HEAD!"

KICK!

"OW!"

Yeah…everything was stable…for the time being.

To be continued…

----

Omake 2: Naruto's Burning Heart!

--

Gato feared for his life. He knew that his mercenaries had been implanted with the "special steroid," but he didn't THINK about who he'd face when it was involved. "Who…who are you?" he asked Naruto.

"Someone who's trained by the best," Naruto said, "and you're about to meet your end, Gato!"

What looked like a Henshin transformation engulfed Naruto. Six tails had blazed from his back, his gauntles spread over his hands, and a crest had appeared on his right hand.

'What is this power?' Kakashi thought. 'It can't be Rao…can it?'

'This gaki's full of surprises,' Zabuza thought.

'That crest…' Gato thought, fearing for his life. "You're…you're…"

"This hand of mine is burning red!" Naruto yelled. "Its loud cry tells me to regain justice! **ERUPTING BURNING FINGER!!!**" Sticking his hand into Gato's stomach, he then lifted the fat man, much to everyone's surprise. "And now…**HEAT END!**" Gato then turned into a pile of…scrap metal!?!

"Was he some kind of Maverick?" Axl asked Naruto in confusion.

"Just a man who got involved with the wrong type of people," he replied. "And his men had to suffer the consequences of his actions, too." That comment was basically noted by the Mercenaries dissolving into nothingness. Gato…whatever he was…had been the main being that spawned the DG Cells turning his workers into mindless slaves.

"What was that?" Kakashi asked the young man.

"That was the power of the King of Hearts," they heard a stranger say. Everyone turned to see a man in his mid-twenties with a red cloak and headband with a similar crest to Naruto's. "Naruto!"

Naruto was surprised. "Domon-Sensei!" He then bowed in respect. "Forgive me, but I had to do it. I swore on my blood that I'd protect the old man with my life."

"It's all right. I just didn't expect it to spread to THIS world as well. Now…" He then threw Naruto his headband. "THE SCHOOL OF THE UNDEFEATED OF THE EAST!"

Naruto knew this drill by heart as he grabbed his sensei's headband. "THE WIND OF THE KING!"he yelled.

"ZENSHIN!" Domon yelled, making punch motions.

"KERSUU!" Naruto yelled, doing the same.

"TEMPA KYORAN!" they both yelled, exchanging punches.

At once, their fists had collided, making a high intensity spark.

"LOOK," they both yelled. "**THE EAST IS BURNING RED!**"

Kakashi was slightly impressed and relieved at the same time. 'Well, it's a lot less disturbing than Gai and Lee's hugging fest,' he thought.

Zabuza was impressed. 'To be trained by the King of Hearts himself,' he thought. 'The kid's got the power to change the whole world.'

Sasuke, however, was pissed beyond all comprehension. 'How does the Dobe know a Fire jutsu that I don't?' he thought. 'I'm an Uchiha! The fire techniques should be part of my clan alone! And who the hell is this guy? King of Hearts, my ass!'

Domon noticed the killing intent coming from Sasuke. "What's with him?" he asked Naruto.

"Guy's just pissed because I knew something he didn't," he replied. "Unfortunately, he can't exactly learn without stealing our techniques."

Domon knew what he meant. "He's one of THOSE fighters?" Naruto nodded. "Odd coincidence. I ran into one a couple days ago."

That's when Sasuke made a beeline at Domon. "WHERE IS HE!?!" he yelled, foaming at the mouth. "WHERE'S ITACHI!?! I'LL KILL HIM! I'LL KILL THAT FUCKING WEASEL IF IT'S THE LAST THING I…"

"Sleep," Domon said, pushing on a pressure point. Sasuke was out cold at that moment.

----

(A/n: Yeah, the Exploding Fox Finger was based off of G-Gundam. Seriously, though, I think I made Sasuke go mental at that last one. Worst case scenario, the Uchiha would have killed himself attempting that, because there can be only ONE King of Hearts.

Other than that, the Wave arc has ended…and the Chuunin Exams arc is starting. Otherwise, I COULD make some fillers…some of you might want to know HOW Naruto's as strong as he is today.

Oh, right now, Naruto's at a Level Seven restraint and if all of it is released…let's just say that his body wouldn't handle the sudden fluxuation of power and he would go nuclear on Konoha…and all surrounding areas. He STILL can't beat anyone like Madara, Orochimaru, or any of the other SEVEN Biju (Shukaku and Rao don't count for obvious reasons), but he CAN knock the crap out of Kabuto, Gaara, Danzo, all of ROOT, the Sound Four, Hidan, Kakuzu, Deidara, Sasori, Zetsu, Kisame, Pein, Konan, and Itachi.

Yeah, Deidara just proved he was a guy right then and there, but Bulletta happens to be over 18 (or 16 in Japan). Her Lolita figure just covers it up. To put it simply, Madara now wants Clucky thinking that it's the Shichibi no Suzaku (Seven-Tailed Phoenix) in chicken form. Yeah, good luck with that, Tobi. Cuccos are NOT to be f***ed with. Deidara and Zetsu know that first-hand.

Other than that, Read and Review. Flame me, and you get three choices:

You can either get the shit knocked out of you by Super Cuccos;

Suffer an Erupting Burning Finger; or

Celsius would invite you to her House of Mirrors.

All three choices happen to be hazardous to your health.)


	12. Never Trust Sand People

Naruto of the Smash.

Chapter 12: Reunions, Old Friends, and New Troubles.

----

In the Third Hokage's office, he had already finished his paperwork. Now, he's facing Team Seven (with a few extra members) telling them about their first A-Rank (it had been moved from a C-Rank thanks to Zabuza).

"This is most distressing," he said after listening to their reports. "Sakura, Sasuke, you can leave."

Sasuke fumed, but he couldn't disrespect the Hokage, so he left. Sakura followed him, but not in the fangirl gaze she had when she became a ninja.

'We need to talk to Ino,' Sakura thought. "**Warning her about Sasuke's change?**" 'Yup. The Sasuke we know is losing itself…or it's a mask like Naruto's cluelessness.' "**I doubt she'll listen, though. Shikamaru and Chouji might be shocked at you, but we STILL have to talk to Naruto about that sword.**" 'No kidding. He could have a minor copy, but I don't want to lose you through some kind of possession.' "**Don't worry about me. I may be part of you, but I'm your guardian when Ino gets you with the Mind Transfer Jutsu.**"

Mewtwo, as a psychic Pokemon, had overheard their conversation. 'I should talk to Naruto-san about this,' he thought.

Only Kakashi, Mewtwo, Naruto, Sheena, Axl, and Clucky stayed.

"Is it true?" Sarutobi asked Naruto.

"Is what true?" he replied. "The part about the Four Sword, the Super Cucco, or the woman with foreign weapons that would probably kill us before Akatsuki can get ahold of us?"

Sarutobi blinked. 'Looks like a lot HAS happened to him while he was gone,' he thought. "I meant has part of the Senju Bloodline been eradicated in Kiri?"

"Yeah. I met the only survivor, but she and Zabuza were on their way to an island that's surrounded by Whirlpools. If anything, they were heading to Uzugakure, which is where my Mother was, right?"

"Yes, but I'm not sure how he found out about that place…"

"I can explain, Hokage-san," Axl said. "To those who wield bloodlines in Kiri, Uzugakure is known as the Promised Land. However, only a few captains know the way without actually sinking into the whirlpools guarding the place, and I believe Tazuna was one of them."

Kakashi was surprised. "So, Zabuza's going there because he knew it would be a safe haven for Haku?"

"Makes sense to me," Naruto said. "Zabuza DID treat her like his own daughter, but that was because they were on the road a lot."

Sarutobi nodded. "I'll have to make contact with the Rasenkage later," he said. "Right now, the status of Sheena, Mewtwo, Axl, and your pet chicken happen to be under the Uzumaki clan."

Sheena sighed in relief. 'Then he doesn't have to know about the hit I declined,' she thought.

"Now, everyone but Kakashi and Naruto are dismissed," Both Nin blinked in surprise. "I need to speak with them about these…developments."

Mewtwo teleported out of the room, Sheena had used Shadow (the summon) to phase out, and Axl turned into a random ANBU and walked out the door.

"Now, what's this about a bounty hunter wanting your head, Naruto?"

Naruto gulped. "Basically, she has a red hood, a picnic basket with foreign weapons in it, and a missile launcher that can pierce through anything. Don't be fooled by her innocent appearance. She's as deadly as Kyuubi would be, except less concentrated and can destroy innocents in the process."

"**OH, PLEASE,**" Rao said to Naruto. "**THE BITCH WOULDN'T LAY A FINGER ON ME EVEN IF SHE HAD SILVER! YOU, HOWEVER, NEED TO TRAIN HARDER IN ORDER TO BE MISSILE-PROOF.**"

'Thanks for the sentiment, Rao, but do I LOOK like I'm made of Metal?'

"**THE METAL BOX COULD HAVE HELPED.**"

Kakashi frowned. "Hokage-san, Naruto's telling the truth. Although Axl had the ability to take the appearance of an opponent, Naruto somehow ran into that woman and has the bits of shrapnel in his arm to prove it."

"Do you have a picture?" Sarutobi asked them.

"I do," Naruto said, giving him the picture. He was surprised at the appearance of the woman, but moreso of the date it was taken. "She's older than she looks, Old Man, just…she's very deadly and works with stuff no ninja here can comprehend."

"This woman will be listed as a Triple-S Class threat in the Bingo Books, then," he replied. "Now, if there's anything else you would like to tell me, then go ahead and make note of it."

"That's all, Hokage-sama," Kakashi said.

"Very well, then. You're both dismissed."

Kakashi and Naruto disappeared through a whirlwind of leaves.

Sarutobi frowned. 'Great…more paperwork and a danger no one can defend against. What is with you and trouble, Naruto-kun?'

----

When Naruto got back to the Uzumaki House, he was surprised at how much it changed.

'It looks bigger than normal,' he thought. 'Rao, you don't think…'

"**LOOKS LIKE YOUR HAREM WAS BUSY,**" she replied.

Naruto frowned at that. 'They're not my harem. They're just close friends who I'm attracted to.'

"**SO, THEY'RE YOUR HAREM. DO WE HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS WALTZ AGAIN, OR ARE YOU GOING TO CHECK IT OUT?**"

Naruto groaned, and entered the house to see that it turned into an actual clan compound.

"You like it, Naruto-kun?" he heard the familiar Twili voice say. Midna had hugged him from behind.

"It looks like a mansion than a house, Midna-hime," he replied. "How did you get the lumber to expand this place…or do I not want to know?"

"The Hokage had let us use some spare wood he wasn't using. Apparently, it was once a headquarters for something…I don't know what it was, but he said it needed to go."

(Cutaway to the former ROOT HQ)

Homura, Koharu, and Danzo were surprised. What was once a good headquarters had disappeared, much to their shock.

"Why did the meeting place disappear?" Danzo asked them.

"Hokage's orders," Homura said.

"DAMN YOU, SARUTOBI!"

(End Cutaway)

"So, what is it?" he asked the former Twilight Princess.

Before she could respond, Felicia (in cat form) had pounced Naruto before turning back into a human form.

"What happened to you?" she asked the whiskered young man. "You look like you went face-first into a missile launcher and survived."

'I'm not that unlucky, Felicity-chan,' Naruto thought. "In a way…I kind of did."

Now, the catgirl was starting to get worried. "You ran into Bulletta, didn't you?"

"Yeah, and Clucky saved my ass before I became blood on the grass." 'That was a stupid rhyme.'

"That explains why this Cucco is here," Yoruichi said, noticing the chicken. "How are we going to feed it?"

"I…haven't planned that far ahead," Naruto said, "but I WAS planning to keep him away from the Akimichi."

"I can see why," Blaze said. "His power's dormant, but as high as mine when I turn into Burning Blaze."

Naruto sighed. "Was anyone here for me when I was away?"

Everyone who was there shrugged.

"Great. If you'll excuse me, I'll be getting a nice long rest."

He was stopped by all four women in the vicinity. "Not just yet," Yoruichi said.

"We're going to have a little fun before you get to rest," Midna added.

Naruto gulped. 'Either I'm lucky or someone's laughing at me right now.'

----

Outside of Konoha's gates, what looked like a Genin Team with a Jounin sensei had walked into the village itself. However, their attire happens to be foreign to the villagers...heck, they're not even from this world in particular, but no one there cares.

The first 'Genin' had a black jacket with a blue-and-red shirt with shoes that had zippers on them, and his hair resembled that of one of Naruto's old acquaintances, only brown in nature.

The second was a girl that was wearing similar attire to her teammate's, only pink in nature. She also had long red hair.

The final 'Genin teammate' had silver hair that spanned past his yellow jacket. He also had blue-green eyes that were mixed with both purity and impurity.

Their sensei had long crimson hair and green eyes, but he was also wearing a Jounin Vest that resembled Konoha's own, but with chakram pads where the spiral usually was.

The first Genin noticed the uncertainty. "This place feels...different," he said.

"No kidding," the silver-haired kid said. "I'm starting to wonder why this wasn't on the King's radar in the first place, considering there's darkness within everyone's heart."

That question would be answered when our hero was limping down the street.

"Ah, I forgot about his condition."

"No kidding," the girl said. "Looks like being separated from the Darkness has toned your senses to a minimum, Riku."

"It's been a long time, okay, Kairi? Besides, the Darkness within him has subsided a bit, but I still wonder if he's pulling enough pranks to keep us on our toes."

"Either way," their Sensei said, "he could help us out. After all, it IS his homeworld."

"**KIT, OLD FRIENDS AT 2:00,**" Rao said, motioning him towards the "team."

Naruto noticed it as well. 'What are THEY doing here?' he thought. 'From what Sarutobi told me, this place has been free from Heartless for ten years, so there's no reason for them to be here.'

"**YOU HAVE FORGOTTEN THAT THE OLD MAN DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THEY WERE CALLED IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND THANKS TO MY BRETHREN AND MYSELF, THE HEARTLESS AND UNBIRTHS ARE AFRAID TO TRIFLE WITH HIGHER FORMS OF DARKNESS. YOU HAVE ME TO THANK FOR KEEPING YOUR HEART SAFE, NARUTO-KUN.**"

Naruto nodded. 'Let's see what they're here for...' He then walked over to the team arriving. "You do realize that you guys need a passport in order to enter Konoha, right?"

"Odd coincidence," the red-haired man said. "We're here for the Chuunin Exams, and I'm just registering my team from...well, Namigakure."

Naruto smirked. "Nice try, Axel. I was just IN Nami for a month, and had I known of a Ninja Academy there, Namigakure, as you called it, would've been well-defended against Gatou."

Axel sighed. "Can't blame someone for trying, even if they don't exist. Nice to see you again, Naruto."

"Likewise, you guys."

"By any chance did anyone make it here before we did?" the brown-haired boy asked him.

"Other than Lady Death with the Red Hood, no, Sora. Which reminds me, if you see her, stay on the defensive. For some odd reason, she stole some of Tony Stark's weaponry pre-Iron Man, and I was on the brunt end of the Jericho Cluster."

Axel and Riku flinched. On different occasions, they had met up with Bulletta, and it wasn't pretty.

Naruto nodded. Nobodies and Users of Darkness were on the Darkhunter list as well as Human Sacrifices like himself, and if it wasn't for Clucky, he would've put the whole village in danger. "So, what brings you guys here?"

Riku sighed. "Is there any place we can talk in private?" he asked his fellow Darkness user. "We don't want anyone to know of our origins just yet."

"Yeah," he replied, "but you're going to need an audience with the Hokage, considering I only told him about my trip from a certain point of view."

Sora chuckled. "Nice one. Was that from Yoda?" Naruto nodded. "Great. So, where IS the Hokage, anyways?"

"Follow me." The resident Human Sacrifice led the psuedo-team to the Hokage Tower.

----

The Hokage was surprised that Naruto brought MORE strange visitors from other worlds, but more-so when he heard the stories about the Heartless, the Nobodies, and Organization XIII.

"Looks like your training trip extended through not just Pliskin's Jurisdiction, Naruto," he said. "Still, I HAVE heard of the Keyblade, it's just been a long time that I've seen a trio in action before."

"That explains why this world isn't in danger of any Heartless," Sora said. "Other than Naruto carrying a form of darkness himself."

"Yes, the Kyuubi IS a force to be reckoned with, but the Keyhole you're referring to happens to be sealed a LONG time ago."

"That's not what we're here for," Riku interjected. "Apparently, someone from this world is siding with one of our enemies after finding an otherworldly power. We're just here to neutralize it before it spreads to other unprotected worlds." Sora, Kairi, and Axel nodded at that.

Sarutobi took a long puff at his pipe. "Even so, it's best if you make your appearance as traveling mercenaries under my jurisdiction. If people knew there were mercenaries, they would try to get a hit on Naruto here."

"That would explain the engulfing darkness," Axel said. "All of their hatred is directed at him because of the 'you-know-what,' right?" Sarutobi nodded. "That's screwed up, man. REALLY screwed up."

"There's also the sanity issue with my teammate," Naruto said, interjecting. "Sasuke's been trying to find out how I was able to know this many people outside of Konoha and, knowing the Civilian Council, he's trying to get me to teach him under THEIR orders."

"And you're not trying to break the World Order," Kairi said. Naruto nodded in confirmation, considering that he's angry at them already.

"The only ones who know are Kakashi-Sensei, Iruka-Sensei, and Grampa Saru, and THEY'RE okay with it."

"I'm right here, you know," Sarutobi said. Naruto sheepishly chuckled while the otherworlders sweat-dropped. "As of which, I'm enlisting you four under the protection of the Uzumaki clan."

"Actually," Sora said, embarassed, "it's really eight."

Sarutobi didn't understand what he meant, but Naruto did. 'Oh, he's referring to Roxas, Namine, and Xion…but who's the eighth one?' he thought.

"**DON'T TELL ME YOU FORGOT ABOUT THE TRIP TO NEVADA ALREADY…**" Rao said.

'Nevada…oh, you're referring to the one with the pumpkins, right?'

"**NO, THE ONE WITH THE STICK FIGURES AND THE CAMERA.**" Rao was sarcastic, by the way. "**BETTER EXPLAIN IT TO THE OLD MAN BEFORE HE GETS AN ANEURYSM.**"

'Right.' "It's a long story that involves the training trip," Naruto said. "I also met someone there…although she's a bit of a flirt."

The Professor of Jutsu nodded, knowing Naruto's secrecy about the trip. "But what about the other three?" he asked him. "It's not like they'll appear out of thin air…"

"Actually," a ghostly voice said, "we are…sort of."

To the surprise of everyone in the room, a young man with blond hair, a young woman with light blond, and another girl with blue hair had appeared next to Sora, Kairi, and Riku.

"Guys, I know it's great to see you again," Naruto said, "but we have to stop with the sudden appearances. The old man's about to suffer from a heart attack."

"Sorry," the young man said. "Force of habit."

"Hokage-san," Sora said, scratching his head in embarrassment, "meet Roxas, Namine, and Xion. They're basically our…well, other Personas, so to speak."

"This is most surprising," the old Hokage said, plainly. "Well, at least it answers my question, considering that we're having quite the gathering."

"Wait," Riku said. "Gathering? Naruto, don't tell me…"

Naruto shook his head. "I may be loud, but I'm not stupid," he replied. "They just started popping up after I became a Ninja in the first place. Besides, one can only keep it intact for so long."

"True, but there's something the King neglected to mention," Roxas said. "I can't put my finger on it, but…" In shocking realization, the Key of Destiny remembered one of the trips he and Axel made while they were with the Organization. "Axel, you remember the time we went to Nerima?"

"Don't get me started on that, Roxas!" Axel yelled. To the looks of the others, the Flurry of the Dancing Flames sighed and explained. "Well, let's just say that due to the increasing Darkness and Chaotic Nature, Nerima was basically a breeding ground for Heartless and Nobodies, all of them centered on hatred for an exact someone."

"It also made the whole Organization look like they crapped their pants…except for Demyx, because he actually did that."

Sora was surprised. If anything can scare a Nobody like that, it must have been dangerous. "Who was the guy they hated?" he asked them.

"The guy that was irrelevant to the mission," Xion said, "yet vital to it at the same time. Ranma Saotome, I believe?"

Naruto recognized the name. "Oh, Ranma-sensei?" he asked them. "Yeah, he had a TON of enemies, and some of them spawned from guys he hadn't met before. But why not take Panda-Baka?"

"Well, for one," Axel said, "the guy was too stupid for his own good, and from what I can see, making Nobodies out of these guys would result in making lesser ones, or the sub-servants. Mine happened to be Assassins while Roxas's were Samurai. Finally, the two corresponding incidents nicknamed Saffron and Wedding Crash made the crap hit the fan and the World Order actually forbade, F-O-R-B-A-D-E, other-worlders from stepping foot onto that world for sanity reasons. Got it memorized?"

"If that's the case," Riku said, "then how did Naruto MEET Ranma in the first place?"

Naruto knew the answer…and so did Axel, Roxas, and Xion, considering they've met him before. "Liftoff by mallet," all four of them replied.

"I kind of met him outside the Smash Mansion after he landed," Naruto said, sheepishly.

Sarutobi shook his head. "While it's interesting to hear," he said, "I'm actually delaying a meeting with the Council right now, but I'll mark in you all as visitors from another nation. In the meantime, you…eight…are dismissed." With that notion, everyone left for town in their own way. 'I'm getting too old for this shit…but it IS rather amusing.'

----

On the way to the Ramen Stand Naruto goes to (the others with him were given a tour of Konoha), something had caught his senses.

'Oh, COME ON!' he yelled inwardly. 'At least Snake's original with THAT disguise.' "Konohamaru, rocks aren't square."

The box 'eeped' and burst into smoke…with three kids shown in there.

"Udon, you used too much gunpowder again," the kid with the spiked hair said. He then turned to Naruto and smirked. "Looks like you found us again, Boss."

Naruto smirked. "Well, intense training can enhance your senses," he replied. "That, and I know someone who does it on a daily basis. So, what do you guys want?"

"Aren't you going to play Ninja with us?" Naruto's eyes widened…mostly from surprise.

"A ninja playing 'Ninja'?" they heard a female voice ask them. It was Sakura, apparently, but she changed her look to suit that of a real Kunoichi's. "I'd make a comment about that, but I forgot where the Yamanaka Flower Shop is."

Naruto was surprised. "Sakura, did you actually train yourself?" he asked her.

"No," she said. "I'm training under Fujibiyashi-sensei in order to learn how to be a true Kunoichi." "**I'm starting to wonder how Naruto even MEETS these women!**" Inner Sakura said.

"Hey Boss," Konohamaru said, interrupting the conversation. "Is she your…" In emphasis, Konohamaru held up his pinky.

"She's just a teammate," Naruto said, shrugging. 'Although I can't help but wonder why she's pushing herself this hard…'

Before Rao could make a retort, the Hokage's Grandson basically broke the straw on the camel's back.

"Well, at least you have good taste. There's no WAY that I can see you date someone like HER."

There was an abrupt silence…except for Sakura's rising Killing Intent. "**Forget finding Ino. This kid's going to pay!**"

"Konohamaru," Naruto said, "run. Now."

With that said, the four of them ran from Sakura because of the flaring temper she was giving, but Konohamaru had ran into something…or someone.

"What the hell?" the man in the weird cat outfit and face paint said. "What gives, you little midget!"

"Kankuro," the sandy blond-haired woman said, "put him down or else we'll get into trouble."

"Just a second, Temari. The guy ruined my outfit."

Before Kankuro could reply, a shiruken had cut them off.

"What the heck?"

"I suggest you put the kid down," Naruto said, appearing in front of the two. "Wars have started over less, anyways."

Kankuro did so, but only because Konohamaru kicked him in the shin. Taking a good look at the newcomer, he scoffed. 'This guy's more of a joke than a shinobi,' he thought. 'Still, is he holding back?'

'Well, the pink-haired one just got her first dose of training,' Temari thought, 'but the guy with the blond hair…if it weren't for the marks, he'd look like a younger version of Konoha's Yondaime.' "Sorry about my brother," she said. "He can be very…tempermental." 'Unlike another sibling I know, and HE'S going to be pissed.'

"I can see that," Naruto said, making idle conversation. "What is he, some kind of…gay clown or something?"

"**ARE YOU STALLING AGAIN?**" Rao asked, ignoring the fact that Kankuro's getting angry. "**BECAUSE IF YOU ARE, I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.**"

'And I know you know what they're hiding,' Naruto replied. 'Besides, after looking at Crowler, I had to make that comment sometime. I wonder…what smells like sand and blood at the same time?'

"**ONE OF THE NINE BIJU, NARUTO-KUN. AND THIS ONE'S BASICALLY A PSYCHO.**"

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't kill you for the Gay Clown comment," Kankuro said, reaching for his pack.

"For an apology, I'll give you three," Naruto said. "One, the kid you tried to kill is the Hokage's Grandson, so it would have sparked a civil war between Konoha and Suna, if your hitai-ate is any indication. Two, my other teammate's in the tree right now, waiting to strike. Three, and one that's vital to your safety, the guy with the gourd NEXT to my teammate would be angry at you…and possibly try to kill you."

That shocked both Suna-Nins and Sasuke. Before anyone could reply, a sandstorm brewed between them, revealing the nin in question. To the surprise of the locals, the two Suna nins were scared shittless from the boy's aura.

"Kankuro," he said, "you're an embarrassment to the village."

Kankuro was petrified…mostly. "It's not my fault, Gaara. They started it…"

Gaara growled. "Shut up, or I'll kill you." He turned to Naruto. "I apologize for my teammate's behavior."

'Well, I was TRYING to get a look at you,' Naruto thought. "I'm used to it, although you guys aren't exactly used to mountain life."

"That's right," Sakura said. "You guys are Suna-nin, right?"

Temari scowled. "Boy, are you a greenhorn," she replied. "We're here because of the Chuunin Exams hosted in Konoha."

"Kankuro," Gaara said, "Temari. Baki's waiting for us back at the hotel room."

Before they could leave, Sasuke decided to make himself known. "Why leave without introducing yourself?" he asked them.

"Not interested," the sand-user replied, shocking Sasuke. "However, the blond catches my interest."

'Why is it always the dead-last?' Sasuke thought. 'I am an Uchiha.' Yeah, you can see where his thoughts are going.

"Naruto Uzumaki," Naruto replied. "And you are?"

There was a short pause…then the man spoke. "Sabaku no Gaara. I will look forward to facing you in the exams, Naruto Uzumaki." The three nin left in a veil of sand.

Sasuke gave Naruto a glare. "Why you?" he asked him.

"I'm not at liberty to ask that question, teme," Naruto replied. "But if you want, you'll have to wait until we face each other in the exams…IF Kakashi-Sensei would let us."

Before Sasuke could antagonize him any further, Naruto replaced himself with a log.

'I wonder if it's too late to rearrange my kill list,' Sasuke thought.

The Chuunin Exams are going to be hit by a hurricane…and his name is Naruto Uzumaki.

To be continued…

----

Omake 3: Naruto vs Gaara…revamped.

--

"This is interesting," Gaara said, Sand Armor breaking. "This is interesting…UZUMAKI NARUTO!"

Sure enough, Naruto could see the sand from the gourd forming into a body.

"Well this is fine and dandy," Naruto said. 'He's turning into the Ichibi. Not good. Kyuubi, any ideas?'

"**FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE, NARUTO-KUN!**" Rao replied. "**USE A SUMMON TO COUNTERACT THE GIANT PHASE!**"

'Okay…let's just hope this works.'

"**DESERT COFFIN!**" Gaara yelled, engulfing Naruto.

Before Gaara could attempt the crushing method…

"**SUMMONING JUTSU!**" Naruto yelled.

To everyone's surprise, it wasn't Gamabunta…or Rao for that matter.

It was a giant eyeball…no, scratch that. It was a giant PUFF-ball, pun intended. One with markings over it like an artifact from an ancient civilization.

It was the Pokemopolis Jigglypuff, aka, Gigalypuff.

"**NICE GOING, KIT,**" Rao said. "**YOU'VE DOOMED US ALL.**"

'Gaara's already asleep, Rao.'

"What in God's name is THAT thing!?!" Sasuke asked himself. 'As if Naruto had enough tricks in his bag ALREADY, he's turning into a clown with his balloon…thing.'

Shukaku was laughing. "You think you can stop me with a giant puffball-like thing!" he yelled. "It's not like it will crush me with that club!"

Gigallypuff was angry at that, but it took out the "club" and…well, you know how Godzilla entered a city? Well, apparently, the Hidden Village of Konoha was misinterpreted as a stage because of the invasion in progress, and…it sang.

For the humans, the effect was instantaneous. Temari, Kankuro, Sasuke, Naruto and Pakkun fell asleep instantly because of their close proximity (Gaara was already asleep and Sakura was knocked unconscious). Later on, both the invading Suna/Oto Shinobi and some of the Konoha nin were feeling the effects. Even Orochimaru and Sarutobi couldn't resist falling asleep mid-battle.

"No…I just…got out…" But apparently, not even Shukaku could stay awake.

That event marked one of the strangest moments in Shinobi history as one of its more…peaceful victories.

Unfortunately, Gigalypuff had marked the Hokage Monument after the song ended, and naturally, they all blamed Naruto the next day.

----

(A/n: Lame, I know, but I was in temporal Writer's Block.

If anyone got the reference of the Omake, you get a cookie. Seriously, why can't ALL wars end like that?

Also, the "Gay Clown" line spawned from YuGiOh the Abridged Series. Seriously, with the face-paint, Kankuro would pass of as a gay Ventriloquist, but they don't know about the puppets…yet.

I probably should mention this now. I'm not crossing over with any TV Shows or books. Apparently, Square-Enix has a manga out called Soul Eater, which takes place in an academy in Nevada. Since there's a "Six-Degrees" crossover involved, I kind of added their resident 'Blair Witch' to the Harem (and I used quotes to emphasize that. The name's within the pun).

Now that I think about it, I also alluded to Ranma ½ with Axel, Roxas, and Xion having a mission that ended horribly and Naruto meeting Ranma outside Nerima…well, considering Kazuki's married to Rumiko, you'll get the idea. And it takes place DURING a 'moment' involving Organization XIII in fandom view, making it filler.

Suggestions are welcome, harem or otherwise. Considering the serious nature of the Chuunin Exam arc, Sasuke won't be pranked as much (which is a bummer because it's what made this fic gold in the first place), but during the time he WOULD be pranked, he'll get it.

Oh, and if anyone asks, Naruto met Konohamaru during the month-long break sometime after he and Hiashi had that talk.

Until then, read and review.)


	13. The Color of Sasuke's Underwear

Naruto of the Smash.

Chapter 13: Chuunin Exams Start! The First Test is a…WHAT!!!

----

Naruto groaned as he woke up the next morning. Considering that the sun was rising, it was about six in the morning, but he was still bruised from last night.

The reason why he was like that was because of the sleeping cat with a stereotypical witch's hat on.

'I didn't even know Blair could be that flexible,' he thought.

"**WELL, IT PROVED SOMETHING,**" Rao said. "**ALTHOUGH YOU CAN HEAL FROM CUTS AND BROKEN BONES, BRUISES ARE STILL CONSIDERED MINOR.**"

Naruto groaned. 'Better get ready for today. But first, has everything been set up?'

"**FOR THE EXAM, YES…**"

Before Naruto could retort, a scream of anger can be heard from the Uchiha Complex…again.

"**OH, THAT. SERIOUSLY, THOUGH, THESE EXAMS ARE NO JOKE.**" There was a bit of silence. "**WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO THE UCHIHA BRAT THIS TIME?**"

'You'll see…'

On the way out, he ran into Sakura, who was still uncertain about the whole thing. Sasuke joined afterward, GLARING at Naruto the whole trip.

"What happened to your pants?" Sakura asked Sasuke. "**I've heard of bad hair days, but those pants look worn.**"

"Let's just say that I'm going to double-lock my closet after this is over," he replied. 'As well as fox-proof it.'

Naruto shook his head. "We're here," he said. 'And your pants are going to be the LEAST of your worries, Uchiha-Teme.'

"**DID YOU RAID HIS…**"

'Yes, I did, and I also got my hands on some…pink tye-dye.'

"**GOOD WORK, MY YOUNG PADAWAN. WHICH REMINDS ME, DOES THE UCHIHA WEAR BOXERS OR BRIEFS?**"

'Tighty-whities…well, not anymore.'

The conversation was halted by the arrival on the second floor. There was a bit of a crowd facing the door to the classroom, and the cause was that it was being blocked by two Genin…or if they can be CALLED that…blocking room…301?

'Okay, I don't know who is the worst on these things,' Naruto thought. 'I'm pretty sure Konohamaru's more convincing, but Snake's is incognito unless someone picks up the box.'

Before he could convince his teammates to move on…

"Drop the Genjutsu," Sasuke said, in a bravado tone.

"How did you know it was a Genjutsu?" one of the Genin asked him.

"It's simple enough for Sakura to sense it," he replied.

Normally, Sakura would blush at a compliment from Sasuke, but her feelings were conflicted at the time.

"So," the other Genin said, "you can see through it…but are you tough enough to bypass us?" Before Sasuke could retaliate against the kick, a familiar spandex-clad Genin had stopped the supposed fight from taking place.

"Way to blow our cover, Lee," the girl with the buns said. "Wasn't it your idea for us to hide our true skills?"

Lee was embarrassed, but he noticed Naruto trying to sneak out. "If it isn't my Eternal Rival!"

'Busted,' the blond-haired Ninja thought. "Hey, Lee," he said. "Sorry if I didn't join you, but I've had some…interesting developments arrive in the past few days."

"No kidding," Neji said. "After the fight, you basically dropped off the radar. What happened?"

Before Naruto could reply, Sasuke interjected. "Naruto, how do you know these guys…and why does the guy with the outfit call you his 'Eternal Rival'?"

"I had a match with Hyuuga-san while taking shelter in the rain," Naruto replied. "As for Lee..."

"I call Naruto my Eternal Rival because he can be a good ninja without using chakra," Lee said, embarassed. "You should see his Taijutsu. Capoeira, was it?"

"Capo-what?" Sakura asked him.

"It's a mix of kicking, break-dancing, and grace that's a foot version of the Gentle Fist," Naruto said, sighing. "It's also foreign to the Continents for personal reasons."

The rage Sasuke had for Naruto turned into one of revelation. 'Okay, so Naruto has a freak with giant eyebrows who considers him a rival,' he said. 'Suddenly, I'm not as envious of him as I was the past few months.'

"You're Sasuke Uchiha, am I correct?" Lee asked Sasuke.

'Oh boy,' Naruto thought. 'Looks like Sasuke's going to get his ass handed to him. And I've seen Lee fight without his weights before, so it's going to be more embarassing once he finds out…'

Sasuke gave out a scowl. "You know the Uchiha name?" he asked Lee.

"I challenge you to a match!" Lee yelled.

"Go ahead, Sasuke," Naruto said. "But make it quick. The exams start in a half-hour."

"This will end in fifteen minutes, dobe." 'Plus, it will give me the opportunity to use my bloodline.'

What the Uchiha didn't know was that Naruto had planned this, minus Lee's interference. Hence the amused look the young man tried to hide.

Sasuke, being more of a punching bag rather than a good opponent, had activated his Sharingan…and noticed something was amiss.

'Wait,' he thought. 'This guy's not using any chakra. How is it possible for him to…wait. Naruto didn't use any chakra during the fight we had…but his was suppressed! This guy…' "What happened to your Chakra?" he asked Lee.

"That's the thing," Lee said. "My techniques are pure Taijutsu, and I only have enough to keep me alive. And although it's an honor to see the famed Sharingan, I'm afraid we're running out of time, so I'll finish this quickly!"

That's when Lee attempted to use the Whirlwind Lotus…only when a kunai had stopped them in place, the pants of the Last Uchiha…were ripped to shreds.

There were mixed reactions. Sakura's was basically that of mild surprise, Tenten's was amusement, Neji's was a mix of disgust and amusement, Lee's was that of complete astonishment, and Naruto's…on the floor. Laughing his ass off, but not for the ripped pants.

"NARUTO!" Sasuke yelled. "I'M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!"

Sasuke's underwear…were briefs, but it wasn't the choice that set him off. It was the color itself that made Sakura's hair look darker.

Yes, it was pink. Bubblegum pink to be precise.

Someone could just point and yell "Look everyone! Sasuke Uchiha wears Pink Underwear" at this moment.

"Naruto," Sakura said, growling, "you at LEAST brought him a spare pair of pants."

Getting up, Naruto reached into his sealed scroll and took out a spare pair. "To execute a good prank," Naruto said, "you have to remember an aspect of comedy that's vital: Timing. Got it memorized?" He was quoting Axel at that moment.

Sasuke just swiped the pants before anyone from his class (other than Sakura) would notice. "When the exam is over," he said, "I'm gunning for you, dobe."

Naruto scoffed. "Good luck on THAT one, girlpants," he said.

"Guys," Sakura said, "the Chuunin Exams?"

"Hang on a second," Naruto said. He then waved his hand in front of the crowd. "You never saw Sasuke wearing Pink Underwear."

In an eerie fashion, the crowd said the same thing, unanimously.

"Move along," Naruto said. With that, Team Gai (after Gai gave Lee a lesson) and Team Seven went into the exam room, avoiding Kakashi, who was wondering what had happened.

"What just happened?" he asked Gai.

"That's what I'm trying to figure out myself," the spandex-clad Jounin replied. "It seems your student is capable of manipulating minds."

Kakashi groaned. "I already knew THAT. What happened BEFORE he used the Jedi Mind Trick?"

Gai was surprised. "Oh, Naruto pranked Sasuke again."

No surprise there. "By any chance did it involve animal waste?"

"I think your student got off easy. Either that, or I don't know my own strength."

"The Pink Underwear prank, then." Kakashi groaned. "Maybe it was a bad idea to give him a list of pranks both parents did." To answer to the confused look on Gai's face, he then said, "Minato-sensei did the same prank to Fugaku, only it was during a council meeting. However, the Jedi Mind Trick was Kushina's work of art at the time."

"Should we call the Naras again?"

"From what I can see, one's already there." Gai nodded, remembering the meeting concerning the exams.

----

Sasuke was livid, to say the least. Although he was relieved that Naruto had erased their memories, he was STILL wearing the pink underwear, and out of them, five genin (including a Hyuuga, his own teammate, and the guy that he lost to) and a Jounin-Sensei had been out of firing range.

'Naruto's back on the top of my kill list,' he thought.

"Sasuke-kun!" they heard someone yell. A blond-haired woman with a ponytail and green eyes hugged him from behind. "I'm so glad to see you."

Sakura may have cut ties with her, but she still cared for her friend. "Ino, step away from Sasuke," she said. "It's better for your health."

"Don't tell me you're still after him…"

"Actually, I got to see him for what he truly was, but that's not why I said that."

Ino still wasn't convinced.

"Ino, you might as well step away," Shikamaru said. "If anything, attention from a fangirl is the LAST thing he needs after what just happened."

"Fine," Ino said, growling. "And I'm pretty sure it's Naruto's fault."

'You have no idea,' Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura thought.

'From the looks on your faces,' Shikamaru thought, 'it's basically a re-enactment.'

"Looks like the gang's all here," Kiba said, entering the room. "Especially Mr. High and Mighty himself."

"Kiba," Sasuke said, "I don't have time for your empty threats right now."

"Don't mind him," Naruto said. "How's Hinata doing?"

In response, Naruto got a full rendition of an Amazon Glomp.

"That answers my question."

"Hey, Naruto-kun," Hinata said. "Nice work on the calling card."

Naruto was chuckling. "Well, timing is everything, my dear."

"Enough about the prank already!" Sasuke yelled.

"What prank?" Ino asked him. "Did it involve Audrey again?"

Everyone gave her a blank look.

"You mean the flytrap that doubles as a guard dog?" Naruto asked her. "No."

"Wait," Shikamaru said. "You have a fly-trap that's named after the main monster in that horror movie Asuma-sensei has?"

"Yeah, although it doesn't eat people…which reminds me…" He then turned to Chouji. "You know about Clucky, right?"

"You mean your attack chicken?" the Akimichi asked him. "We don't eat pets. If we did, we'd have a feud with the Inuzuka."

"Actually," Kiba said, "I'm quite surprised. That thing made even Kuromaru piss himself."

"You know," an unfamiliar voice said, "you rookies should be a LOT quieter."

Sasuke glared at the newcomer, forgetting Naruto's collection of…pets…at the moment. "And you are?" he asked the man.

"Where are my manners? I go by Kabuto Yakushi, and I have vital information."

Naruto glared at him because of the appearance alone. Silver hair with glasses. 'That's the guy that Sheena refused the hit from,' he thought. 'Why does he smell like snake?'

"**HE'S PROBABLY WORKING FOR OROCHIMARU, NARUTO-KUN,**" Rao said. "**IF ANYTHING, THIS GUY KNOWS MORE THAN HE LETS ON.**"

"Is this your second time?" Sakura asked him.

"Seventh actually," Kabuto said.

"You suck," Kiba said, bluntly.

"That may be true, but I have information about every competitor in the Chunnin Exams."

That caught Sasuke's interest. "Every competitor?" Kabuto nodded at that. "If so, can you show me the stats of Subaku no Gaara, Rock Lee, and Naruto Uzumaki?"

Naruto grimaced. 'This cannot be good,' he thought.

Kabuto sighed. "You know their names already," he said. Pulling out three cards, he then went through the information. "Subaku no Gaara. 20 C-Ranks, eight B-Ranks, and, the kicker, One A-Rank, all without a scratch. His teammates are Temari and Kankuro, who are also his siblings."

That made everyone tense.

'Looks like I might accept his challenge,' Naruto thought.

"Rock Lee," Kabuto continued. "Apparently, no skill in Ninjutsu or Genjutsu, but his Taijutsu is off the charts. Teammates are Neji Hyuuga and Tenten and his Sensei's Gai Maito, the Beautiful Green Beast of Konoha." He then took out the last one. "And finally, Naruto Uzumaki." He then took a good look. "That's strange."

"What's strange?" Sasuke asked him, glaring.

"It only shows his name, age, teammates, Missions, and jutsu chart, but nothing else."

'Thank God,' Naruto thought. 'I thought I might rip the card in two.'

Kabuto slightly glared at the young Uzumaki. 'Looks like we've got a wild card on our hands here…' "Anyone else?"

"Yeah," Naruto said. "Who's the girl with the Kumo hitai-ate?"

"Oh, her." Kabuto then flipped through the card list. "Yugito Nii. She's basically given around 15 C-Ranks, 4 B-Ranks, and 2 A-Ranks. Her specialty involves Lightning Jutsu, but she uses an original technique called the Neko Shunshin Jutsu, or the Cat Flicker Jutsu."

'Well, that's useful enough,' he thought. 'Rao, I think we've got another Gaara in the room.'

"**WELL, HER KI'S MORE FOCUSED ON HER TEAMMATES,**" Rao said. "**EITHER WAY, I THINK WE'VE GOT A BIJU THAT'S STRONGER THAN THE SAND-NIN'S. NIBI, I PRESUME?**"

'Gaara and Yugito. Looks like I've got my work cut out for me.'

Before anyone could ponder, a voice yelled, "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN, BRATS!"

In a hurry, everyone found a seat.

"Now, my name is Morino Ibiki," the man said. "Welcome to the first part of the Chuunin Exam."

In the midst of everything, Naruto was paying attention to the man while looking at the other Demon Vessel with concerned eyes, but was shocked at the basis of the First Exam.

'A written test?' he thought. 'Dear God, I SUCK at those!'

"Now, you'll start off with ten points. If you miss one question, you lose two points. If you're caught cheating, you lose a point. If you're caught cheating five times, you're kicked out of the exam, your teammates going along for the ride. The Tenth Question will be revealed before the last fifteen minutes of the exam. That is…if you can make it by then. Now…" That's when the minute hand of the clock hit the 12 mark. "BEGIN!"

Now, Naruto may have been crafty, but he wasn't all-seeing. Doesn't mean he couldn't read underneath the underneath. 'Wait, doesn't cheating result in a full zero in normal exams?' he thought.

"**HE DOESN'T KNOW ABOUT THE LINK WE HAVE,**" Rao said. Naruto gave out a blank stare. "**WELL, HE DOES KNOW, BUT HE'S INTERROGATED THOSE WHO ATTACKED YOU DURING THE FESTIVAL.**"

'Doesn't answer the question. He's giving me five chances to cheat. From what Iruka-Sensei told me, cheating results in a full zero during the Genin Exam. You don't think…'

"**I COULD HELP WITH THAT.**"

'Right. Tell me what you know about these questions.'

"**ALL OF THEM ARE SIMILAR TO STRATEGIES USED IN MY ACCIDENTAL ATTACK. DECIPHERING THE EQUATIONS IS THE HARD PART.**"

After about forty-five minutes (and Naruto thinking he was getting hit by the kunai), Ibiki then took attention.

"Pencils down, maggots!" he yelled. Everyone did so. "Now, before I give out the tenth question, you must choose whether or not to take it!"

That brought a bit of surprise to everyone.

"If you refuse to take it, you'll take your teammates with you, but if you take it and choose the wrong answer…YOU ARE FORBIDDEN TO EVER TAKE THE CHUUNIN EXAMS AGAIN!"

That shocked everyone to the core.

"What kind of question is that?" Temari asked him.

"You're just unlucky that I'm proctoring," he replied.

Naruto knew the answer to THAT one already. 'He's basically asking us whether or not we'll die,' he thought.

"**JUST LIKE A MISSION, KIT,**" Rao said. "**HOWEVER, YOU'VE GOT ENOUGH CONFIDENCE TO BYPASS THE MAN'S THREAT. ALTHOUGH YOU MAY WANT TO GET SOME TIPS FROM HIM IN INTERROGATION AND INFORM HIM OF THE SPY LATER.**"

The blond ninja rose his hand, much to the surprise of Sasuke and Sakura (who was about to do it herself)…and slammed it onto the desk, halting all activity in the room.

"DO YOU THINK I GIVE A CRAP ON WHETHER A QUESTION DETERMINES MY FATE!?!" he yelled. "EVEN IF I'M A GENIN FOREVER, I'LL FIND A WAY TO BECOME HOKAGE, AND NOT EVEN GUYS LIKE YOU WILL STAND IN MY WAY!!!"

Everyone was surprised at his bravado.

'Kid's got balls the size of church bells,' Temari thought. 'Then again, anyone who can stand up to Gaara would be crazy.'

'Typical Naruto,' Sakura thought. 'He just kept us in the Chuunin Exam.' "**You were thinking of quitting and then training yourself over the next six months, were you?**" 'Mostly, but Naruto shot that idea down like the Naras with their deer. Also, Sasuke's killing intent subsided.'

Sasuke, however, smirked. 'Looks like Itachi's back to number one,' he thought. 'Even though Naruto kept us in the exam, I still want to kill him for turning all of my underwear pink.' Yeah, he was still insane…mostly.

"You sure you want to continue?" Ibiki asked him. "Know the risks you're taking here."

"I never break my word," Naruto replied.

"If that's the case…" They then waited for the conclusion, but the surprise was this next statement: "…YOU ALL PASS!" Ibiki, although he didn't show it, was impressed at Naruto's pep talk. 'Sounds like that Pliskin guy taught him interrogation, although he didn't restrain his voice.'

As Ibiki had explained the reason why he said they passed, there was a crash coming from the window. From the ball, four kunai had spread it out, revealing a banner that said 'Anko Mitarashi, Second Exam Proctor, has arrived.'

'Just what this exam needs,' Sakura thought. 'Another Naruto.' "**She's hiding her true pain. If she were Naruto's age, they'd be the best of friends.**"

Anko then did a headcount. "26 Teams?" she asked Ibiki. "Looks like you let them off easy."

"Not likely," Ibiki said. "We've just got some spiritied ones today."

"Well, by the time of the second exam, they'll be cut in half." She then turned to the teams and said, "If you want to see what the Second Exam is like, then follow me."

After the teams left, Ibiki then started collecting papers…yet stopped at one in particular.

_Ibiki-san,_

_Nice job with the killer intent. The exam paper itself had me going. However, there's something you should know: That Yakushi guy knows too much. Only indication of treason I could smell is that he has the odor of a snake. Also, you've got three Jinchuriiki in the exam: Myself, Gaara, and Yugito from Kumo. I doubt Yugito would start something, but leave that factor to me. After all, I AM stronger…well, my tenant's the strongest._

Ibiki smirked. 'Looks like you'll make an excellent tracker nin,' he thought. 'I might have to report this to the Hokage, though.'

----

Outside the Academy, Anko led the participating Genin to a weird-shaped forest that only looked scary.

"Alright, maggots!" she yelled. "This is Traning Ground 44, also known as the Forest of Death. Your Second Exam is a simple retrieval mission."

'That's not what everyone else thinks,' Naruto thought.

This exam just got a lot harder…

To be continued…

----

(A/n: Long time, no see. Well, sorry about not updating this story, but college and writer's block caught up with me. Best bet for me would be to re-read the other twelve chapters, because I kind of rushed the ending.

The term 'Amazon Glomp' came from Ranma ½ (copyright Rumiko Takahashi).

The joke about Sasuke wearing pink underwear didn't come from any anime in particular. I got the idea from Doug where the pink underwear joke was mentioned twice, but mixing whites with red seem to have that kind of effect.

I'm not exactly in the mood for an omake right now. I've been playing Banjo-Tooie for a while and am now up to Grunty Industries, which is an annoying level…

See ya later!)


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